Hate: billy bragg willard grant conspiracy yo la tengo
by Matthew
3 comments
Toad 2.0
Make Killer Satnavs Illegal! Now! Right?
I barely know what to say about this little news gem. Apparently a Killer Satnav! has tried to slaughter a poor innocent (and formidably caked in slap) student when it directed her across a train track that was only marked by, um, let’s see, the presence of train tracks, a level crossing sign, a great big fucking barrier and a sign saying in plain English only to open the gate and proceed if there were a green light in evidence – see image above.
The poor little lamb had this to say:
“I put my complete trust in the sat nav and it led me right into the path of a speeding train,”
A bit sympathy for the little poppet must be due (I am really trying here, stop sniggering) because it was dark and raining at the time, but I can’t help but detect a faint whiff of the Darwin Awards drifting through the Welsh countryside air this morning. Under this rather specious line of reasoning, when scraping an old granny off her bonnet in the centre of town, she would presumably have had this canny riposte: ‘But officer, what was I supposed to do? The traffic lights were red, but my Satnav said I should continue straight on.’ It’s a bit like driving straight into the Thames if you arrive at Tower Bridge only to find it raised.
For those of you in America who wish to engage in a little reverse sniggering about the quality of the press in this country after our continuous gales of incredulous hilarity at Fox News and the laughable CNN, try popping over here and reading the breathless outrage of one of the UK’s most odious organs, the Daily Mail. Jesus wept, honestly.
In honour of the fabulously vacuous (and strangely orange, if you follow that Daily Mail link) Paula Ceely, I present a couple of little ditties this incident brought to mind.
And stop sniggering at the back. Poor lass.
Billy Bragg – Train Train It’s one of his most hated songs, according to his fanclub, but I love the guitar in this track.
Willard Grant Conspiracy – South End of a North Bound Train
Yo La Tengo – Speeding Motorcycle
And if I could find a song by a band called iDONOTLiKETRAiNS I would post that too, but I can’t.
As a fundamentalist left-wing media supremacist I thump my fist on the table and insist that Satnavs are an insidious tool in the right wing conspiracy to control our lives for the benefit of the major corporations and this is only the latest manifestation of their ungodly, sorry, far-right Christian obsession with controlling and monitoring our everday mov…
…anyone still here? Good…
..evements until we are forced into a dystopian, 1984-esque model of obedience and consumerism and provide only willing subjects to their ongoing bid to control the globe by utter subjugation of 90% of the population into the dual role of meek production and obedient consumption of the goods of their tools of dominance and we serve only as grist to the great mill of global capitalism, to the unimaginable enrichment of the very few and the utter desolation of us all, unless we can strike against their tools of oppression and control as perfectly embodied by those EVIL EVIL Satnavs!
Are you with me brothers and sisters?
Alright, how about a cup of tea and nice biscuit instead then?
Matthew, because of you I have heard about The Indelicates and Popup. I managed to get all the Indelicates that i want but I can’t find popup anywhere. can you repost? Lucy is such a great song.
I refuse to believe anyone could be that stupid. I will instead believe that there is a vast, anti-sat nav conspiracy in the oligarchical left-wing media conspiracy.