Song, by Toad

Christ marketing people depress me. Their unbridled cynicism and the tawdry, dollar-tinted spectacles through which they view the world just sucks all the will to live right out of me.

The whores responsible for peddling the new Spiderman flick have decided to jam the soundtrack full of cool indie bands (or reasonably cool ones at least – my Mum might well have been able to name them, which rather dampens my enthusiasm) in order to give the movie that edgy cachet the predictable storylines and silly costumes inherent in superhero movies have slowly drained away over the last couple of movies. Step right up The Killers, The Flaming Lips (meh), Jet, Snow (guffaw) Patrol and a couple of more interesting selections, namely Wolfmother, Sounds Under Radio and The Walkmen.

Now, we all know that this is just not a soundtrack. What are the odds of more than one of these songs featuring prominently in the film, other than the closing credits? Absolutely zip, that’s what. This is a half decent compilation album being used as a marketing tool. And why does this bother me so? Well because good soundtracks can be iconic, that’s why.

Remember The Big Chill? What a film, and what a soundtrack. Although interestingly, the marketing people slightly fucked that one as well. Instead of making it a perfect movie soundtrack they tried to pitch a Motown nostalgia mix, leaving off the superlative tracks by The Stones and The Band that would have contrasted so perfectly with the more upbeat Motown feel of the rest of the songs. But the music played a pivotal role in that movie and deserved to become a famous soundtrack. A Life Less Ordinary? Good film, lots of songs, good soundtrack, and deservedly so. The Piano? Not my taste, but famous for the music in the movie. Even the rather pointless High Fidelity had a right to make a decent soundtrack album as the music was an important part of the film, but generally no more than one or two judiciously placed and well used tunes are needed to have a real impact in a movie.

Now, I bear Spiderman no ill will, for sure. I thought the first couple of movies were pretty superior efforts, as preposterous superhero nonsense goes, and enjoyed them immensely. And this compilation isn’t a bad album as it goes, so I don’t mind rewarding them for their annoying cynicism by talking about it. I’m not linking to it though, it’s not that good.

What continues to demoralise me is the depressingly hollow money-grubbing of these commercial types. You get the impression they would think nothing of selling the advertising space on their own daughters’ foreheads, should there be an extra fifty pence in it for them somewhere. Just dismal, depressing, awful awful people.

The Spiderman Theme Yes, the real one!

And the two missing songs from The Big Chill soundtrack. The two best ones, too:

The Band – The Weight
The Rolling Stones – You Can’t Always Get What You Want

This is what these people do to Spiderman. Doesn’t the poor little blighter look sad? Shame on them: