Limping About Like a Cripple
Yes, I’m afraid so my Toadlings. I seem to have pulled a muscle in my back so at the moment I am shuffling about like I’ve just shat an angry porcupine.
It is, believe me, excruciating. I can’t even find a comfortable position to lie and watch telly, so god knows how the bloody hell I’m going to sleep tonight. Mind you, there I was feeling sorry for myself when it occurred to me that The Band had a splendid song called Up On Cripple Creek which, assuming a certain enjoyment of tasteless and slightly black humour (and let’s face it, you wouldn’t still be here otherwise), seemed rather appropriate.
The Band – Up On Cripple Creek
The Raveonettes – My Boyfriend’s Back Not the greatest song, but that ambiguous apostrophe was just too good to be missed.
Tom Waits – Walking Spanish If that’s what you want to call it.
Jackson Browne – Walking Slow
The Lemonheads – No Backbone
Get well soon.
Not crippled physically, but the end of the term is in sight, the kids are hyper and all us teachers are exhausted… : )
Ed
oh dear, a crippled toad. what could be sadder to behold?
seriously, though, you need ice. 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off, several times a day. it’s never too late for ice, and it really works. and ibruprofen.
Police on My Back by The Clash might be a good addition
You know Wendy, I don’t have that one. Shame on me, mind you there’s nothing more dangerous than a man with a credit card and time on his hands…!
ibuprofen, i mean.
I’m sorry to hear that you are incommoded. Ibuprofen is one way. Gin is another. Or perhaps laughter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgyynyzQ308
Or this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzi18X_H7Yk
Or maybe this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkS9oF-DFMA
There’s just so much beauty out there. Gray skies are gonna clear up, so put on a happy face. Oh! Forgot where I was there for a moment.
Well hooray for you lot and your fine community spirit bringing a bit of cheer into the life of a malingering toad, awash with self-pity.
a man of your age is entitled to a long spot of malingering. I’m just past a similar spell of indolence caused by a broken rib. codeine and bourbon did wonders for my mood …
get well soon.
Codeine and Bourbon – brilliant. I imagine many a great record owes its genius to this particular combination!
Jesus fucking wept C&B! Being touched up by Clowns for Jesus when too old and infirm to get away or set about them with your walking stick is pretty much why they invented euthanasia.
Or pissing yourself while the electric blanket is on.
Dearest Matthew, it sounds to me like you’re merely lonely, and that you long for touch. I think a half-hour or so of some non-verbal clowning would do wonders for you. And if that doesn’t work, just think of the abused Chapman brothers and how they braved those confounded pirates, all so they could honor HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD, double-dutch style! I had no idea things were so bad in Asia.
The abused Chapman Brothers. Not abused even close to enough. Perhaps if the pirates had been kind enough to cut their fucking arms off we’d have been spared the ecclesiastical skipping spectacular.
And Jesus does not read this blog. Know why?
‘Jesus tried to rock, he tried and he tried,
But you can’t rock when you’re bein’ crucified.’
My Dad taught me that little gem, bless him.
Jesus tried to rock, as hard as he could,
But you can’t rock when you’re nailed to wood.’
Snigger. I’m going to hell really, aren’t I. No two ways about that one I suspect.