I Blame My Bloody Mother
You are tremendously influenced by the music you hear when you’re really young, and this often means that you are cruelly brainwashed by the music your parents listen to. My Dad was very, very high cred – Tom Waits, Bob Dylan, The Band, The Holy Modal Rounders, The Boss, early Elton John, The McGarrigles and all sorts of other brilliant stuff. He also, in later years, brought The Pogues, The Men They Couldn’t Hang and The Waterboys into my life.
On my Mother’s side, however, lies a terrible secret: pop. The terrifying matriarch of Toad Hall mercilessly guided and nurtured my inner pop slut, leaving the Dylan and Waits of my Dad to rub shoulders with Erasure, Depeche Mode, ABC, Eurythmics, Bronski Beat, Cyndi Lauper and *gulp* Tina Turner. Yes, Tina Turner.
In fact, I was discussing this recently with some blog pals, and I am not entirely certain that my first three gigs ever weren’t Tina Turner gigs. Once even with Bryan Adams. And they wonder why we hate them.
Actually, the thing is, no matter how much you try, it’s very difficult to hate this stuff from your formative years. Either I have absorbed these malign influences so entirely that they have become part of me, or I have always had an inner pop slut and my bloody mother just teased it out to keep me from getting too wound up in my own self-importance (a difficult and highly necessary job).
Either way, yes my first three gigs were Tina Turner, no I can’t even force myself to listen to these songs and hate them, and no Tina Turner wasn’t even the worst of it. And Mum, if you come on this thread and even breathe the names Rick Astley, Los Lobos or Michael Bolton you’re fucking dead.
Tina Turner – I Can’t Stand the Rain
Tina Turner – Private Dancer
Tina Turner – Let’s Stay Together
Toad, my Mum liked Rick Astley too.
And still goes on about Kylie’s video for ‘I Should Be So Lucky.’
As for Tina – it could have been a lot, lot worse. What about ‘Nutbush City Limits’ or ‘River Deep Mountain High’ though, instead?
And remember, ‘Private Dancer’ was apparently a Dire Straits offcut (the thoght of horrible headband Knopfler singing this is a deeply disturbing one). I think the problem is not her voice, which is fab, certainly not her, but more the problem of the 80s production. For example, I Can’t Stand The Rain doesn’t need those bloody melodramatic keyboards.
80s production – mmmm! Yes, the swooning synths they loved so much then haven’t really aged well, have they. And the earlier Tina stuff I just didn’t hear, so it pretty much starts with this lot.
Oh, and I forgot Alison Moyet. Although Alf isn’t a bad album by any means.
Oh, please. You should be quite proud. Tina Turner in her prime was a true pioneer. She was Janis Joplin’s idol. MY first concert was fucking Loverboy. It’s pretty sad when your first band’s primary influence was Foreigner. And to my undying shame I cannot make myself hate “Turn Me Loose.”
Ah the memories. my mum was the same , every time we’d get in the car in the tina turner tape would go.
Hey, Tina Turner is nothing to ashamed of – OK, her later stuff is not so good, but in the 60’s she was an absolute god. Much as i dislike Ike, Check out some of their performances on youtube – they are incredible
You do know that Los Lobos and Tom Waits are fans of each other and have worked with each other, right?
At least your mom didn’t love Tony Orlando & Dawn.
omg, you have no idea how it warms my heart to see that j from heart on a stick is reading the toad! my two favorite wickedly funny writers in all of blogland have found each other. you probably think i’m insane, but it really does please me immensely. : )
Oh goodness, you should hear Ike and Tina’s version of “All I Could Do Was Cry” – that woman could SING!
My first concert was Blink 182, though I think seeing Bryan Adams even as an opener makes you a winner there…
Look, you bloody lot, I’m not denying that the woman can sing.
I am talking about the 80s material with all that went with it. Ed absolutely nailed it when he mentioned the melodramatic synths. That sort of pompous, overblown melodrama infests virtually all 80s music. Even songs which are at their heart really rather good, like Private Dancer, can’t shake it. And the ‘moody, big-haired, gazing sadly out a rainy window’ sax. Gah!
I find myself imagining The Detroit Cobras covering Tina now. That might be quite good actually!
J – Tom also loved Chuck E Weiss, whose music I really don’t like that much at all.
This is the first time I’ve visited your blog. It’s refreshing to see humour in music writing. Pop – particularly of the cheesy 80s variety – is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone needs some ear candy sometimes.
Oy vey. I can’t believe you mentioned the tremendously talented Los Lobos — have you heard anything other than ‘La Bamba?’ — in the same breath as that oxygen thief Rick Astley and screeching Michael Bolton. Los Lobos toured with Dylan; Rick Astley was mocked in song by Mojo Nixon; Michael Bolton did a duet with that fraud Kenny G. Yeah, those are similar. Toad, Toad, Toad — is it lonely down there in the dark?
I must confess you are absolutely spot on – I have no idea about anything Los Lobos have done other than La Bamba. That one song was my only ever contact with their music and I have not gone back to dig any further. Duly chastened by all you lot then I will promise to behave myself and explore further.