Best Comment Ever
I always remember the snivelling acolytes of the cool kids at school being so horrified when you showed indifference to the glowing aura of dazzling beauty emanating from the posteriors of their deities that there was only one response: you must be jealous.
Aye, right, spot on you fucking psychological genius. Christ almighty, are you that heartbroken by someone showing a lack of respect for your personal heroes that you have to whine like a jilted baby? The answer is yes, of course. Yesterday someone left a great comment on my post about Scarlett Johansson’s merciless butchering of Tom Waits’ back catalogue which was pretty much in that exact same vein. It was perfect – a little gem of spurned, wounded madness and I thought I had to share. No rambling, no idiotic screed, perfectly concise and absolutely brilliant. No need to mock the old dear any more of course, but I though you might find this funny:
I actually love Tom Waits AND Scarlet’s covers, especially “Falling Down.” There is absolutely no reason for you to bash someone personally because they didn’t cover a beloved song of yours to your liking or because you’re bitter about not being famous.
She’s quite right. I am unforgivably bitter about not being famous. Because I’ve done, erm… nothing worthy of fame really. But then, that doesn’t seem to discourage many people. And it couldn’t possibly be because I think Scarlett Johansson can’t fucking sing and that our pathetic toadying to celebrity means no-one had the balls to tell her, could it? No no, that would be entirely implausible. Can anyone sense that I’m in a bit of a mood today?
And what better song:
The Magnetic Fields – Famous
She’s right though, isn’t she? It is a jealously guarded precious that we have tucked under out jumpers & held like a found kitten. This music we so love. We absolutely hate (yes, strong, but justified) people messing with our formulae. Some pointless fanny vehicle comes along & dares to pick up a beloved’s songbook & have the shiny balls to interpret them across the length of an album? The fucking rapist scum.
Maybe, in relaity, it don’t get to such fever pitch, but for the blindly devoted lifestyle magazine pinball brains amongst us (who have deified these worthless career opportunists beyond human-propelled reproach) we might as well be saying really nasty stuff about their moms & a cattle prod shaped dildo.
They are naive at best. At worst, they leave comments on blogs.
Why not bash someone personally when feeling bitter? What the fuck else are you supposed to do when raddled with self hate and ire, go out and lick Andrex puppies?
I suppose we all have to “respect” Scarlett becuse she has “put herself out there” stretching beyond her “core competencies’ and engaged in “self challenge?”.
Group fucking hug.
Its still a blah album that slithered into existence along a greasy skidmark of mutually congratulatory patronage and vanity.
She wouldn’t get slagged so hard, even by Waits fans such as myself, if she hadn’t done an ENTIRE album of Waits covers. That’s just begging for ridicule.
Here’s something to (possibly) cheer you up:
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/50823-tom-waits-extends-glitter-and-doom-tour
Ach I don’t mind being slagged for hating it, and I can’t bring myself to defend the fact that I hate it either. It was just such a nicely phrased comment I thought everyone needed to see it.
And let’s face it, if Vernon Kay is famous…
Oh, and Sarah, I did indeed notice that. Euan emailed me about it yesterday and I will be camping outside the box office next Tuesday in order to get tickets. Whatever the fuck it takes!
so you camp outside and I’ll pop up and join you in the que in the morning yeah?!
That may cause fights!
Can we shoehorn C&B’s “towering edifice of shite” line in here somewhere again?
I think it’ll fit in rather nicely.