Lindsay Lohan is a Hero
I don’t usually offer fashion advice on this website, but I feel I might just dip my toe in those shark-infested waters for a change because this is just brilliant.
Now, I am guessing not everyone who reads this site is as depressingly shallow as I am so I am going throw this question open to the audience: what exactly would you think of a girl who wore leggings with pads on the knees? Exactly. What else is there to think? Would you even have to buy her a drink first, or do you reckon you could get away with just whipping it out in the middle of a crowded pub, because I’d be surprised if the girl in question was going to be picky enough to demand a bit of attention first. Or even basic civility.
The leggings in question can be viewed here. Yes, you read that correctly, they go by the name of Mr. President. But surely no amount of ironic nomenclature can make up for the fact that you are basically suggesting that a girl walk around in public dressed in a manner that pretty much says ‘I swallow on the first date. Maybe even in the first quarter of an hour if you’re lucky’. I’ve known some pretty easy women in my time, but even the most loose-winged of them all liked to keep up some sort of basic pretence for at least a few hours.
The irony of it all is that these garments of horror were designed by World Championship Sperm Guzzler Lindsay Lohan, who has pretty much abandoned the world of pork swords for the world of beef curtains these days, and somehow that is way less sexy than you’d think. Either she designed these things a while ago or she is delivering something of a coded warning to her girlfriend Samantha Wotshername not to get too comfortable, because she could be off at any minute, fellating the next random stranger who catches her eye – much like the old days.
Either way, leggings with knee-pads! Are you fucking joking? That’s crazy talk.
The Decemberists – A Cautionary Song
Gavin Friday – Baltimore Whores
Honeytrap – Follies in Great Cities
I’ve been waiting for a while for this one, and it doesn’t disappoint. I have one quibble, and I’ll get it out of the way nice and early so I can concentrate on the good stuff: the new version of Death Before the Silver Screen is not a patch on the original. So there.
As for the rest of the album, bloody marvellous. Big Dan has honed his tortured wail to a fine point, and Little Dan’s violin is a ray of sunshine. It all sounds subtly different from what I was expecting, as did their labelmates the Sequins on their debut release last year.
Expectations aside, there are just a stack of great songs on this record. Get the Male Back, the Healer, Song for Nona, Broken Viol… ah fuck it, never mind, they’re all great. Really, they are. All except that reworking of Death Before the Silver Screen.
I’ve thrown a few comparisons at Honeytrap over the last year, trying to find one that would stick, and funnily enough the latest one that springs to mind is early 90s indie. Violin aside, there’s something about this sound that really reminds me of my first couple of years at Uni back in 1993/4, don’t ask me why. Ballard Down in particular really reminds me of this era, so perhaps it’s time to start making ironic Best of the 90s compilations – after all, the 80s furore seems to have finally died a death.
For all the groups using violin at the moment, I think Honeytrap count as one of the most innovative. They are essentially a guitar-based indie band, with the violin bringing new and occasionally bizarre inflections to what is basically a guitar indie record, rather than attempting to define the music all by itself. But enough review – it’s fucking great, this. Nothing like what I was expecting and everything I was hoping for. Buy one.
Honeytrap – Eleven
Honeytrap – The Healer
