Yes, I Was the Twat Talking at the Back
I fucking hate it when people go to gigs and talk all the way through the bastard things. If you don’t want to pay any fucking attention to the songs, then piss off to another fucking pub. This is Edinburgh, there are thousands of places to go, so why don’t you just piss off somewhere else? Secondly, it’s just plain fucking rude.
So what could be more mortifying than to find myself at the Kays Lavelle gig at the Village in Leith last Friday, actually being the one talking too loud all the way through the fucking show. It wasn’t my fault, or at least to a certain extent it wasn’t. At least, there were mitigating circumstances anyway. Basically, because we ended up talking to this really nice couple outside, they talked to us inside, which is fine. Except that they talked really loud, were far too nice to tell to piss off, and very difficult to just quietly shuffle away from.
So basically, I am a coward and found it easier to be rude to Euan who was at least four metres away instead of the person a foot away chattering in my left ear, for reasons of basic proximity. Pathetic excuse isn’t it?
Anyway, I think the band had other more pressing problems, with some deranged old bag, a bottle of Buckie and a fistful of Es down, cavorted somewhat unpleasantly in front of them. You know when not-even-slightly-sexy-not-even-a-little-bit people try and do sexy dancing? It was like that. Actually it was worse – imagine someone who has clearly spent a lifetime jamming her wrinkled body with drugs and booze and nicotine, is probably pushing forty but looks nearly sixty, it at once saggy, emaciated, pale, malnourished, smothered in makeup, and with a crooked lear that would put the fear of god into the penis of even the most diseased gigolo? Now imagine trying to play heartfelt, emotional music with this gargoyle gyrating threateningly at you from a distance of mere feet away – I bet Euan never wished more sincerely for a grand piano in his life.
Anyway, the talky people left halfway through the Kays set, so I was able to enjoy the rest of it with minimal humiliation. Despite their fears for their stripped down lineup, just guitar and piano with Graham the guitarist playing a little drums from time to time, I thought they sounded excellent. There was something a little harsher about the guitar sound, for being so naked, and the general silence in the room served only to emphasise every droplet of piano. Once I’d managed to get my head out of my arse and actually listen to the bloody show, I really enjoyed it. I think Euan has a bigger, more anthemic sound in mind for the band, but I liked their spare set at the Village: there was lots of empty space to let the chords breathe.
It was a great night in general, actually. The Village is a really nice pub, and there are very, very few venues in Edinburgh that are nice places to be irrespective of the music. The importance of this is that indie kids – mostly blokes – will never be able to get girls along to Henry’s, because it’s a shit bar to hang out in if you aren’t really there for the music. And if we ever want to get big audiences for independent music in this city we have to reach out beyond the devoted fans because there just aren’t enough of us to go around. We need to get the people involved who are only kind of interested. So there. Rant over.
Check out Dylan’s excellent pictures here.
The Kays Lavelle – Swanfields
Hothouse Flowers – Shut Up and Listen
The Wedding Present – Always the Quiet One
The Coathangers – Shut Tha Fuck Up
Excellent – the joys of Leith! She wasn’t handing out business cards by any chance? the Village is a grand wee pub, and even though i have spent many a joyous night in Henry’s and have a great deal of affection for the place, without the bands, it is a dump!
Will have to make a concerted effort to catch the Kays next time round. I found out last night that the two chaps who used to own The Village – Alistair and Ian aka Dolly – now own the local pub in my small East Lothian, erm, village. And marvellous chaps they are too.
Oh, is that Euan?! He never mentioned he has a beard, hmmm. And what does he sing about? Is this track fairly representative, if so, it’s brilliant! Sorry, I feel I should know the answer to that already. Do fill us newbies in please! xoxo.
she was alright, she kind of made it easy for me to chat between songs cause I’m usually quiet/shit – but during songs she was a bit annoying. her friend though shouted that I looked like pete doherty during the set and then outside after the gig told me she meant it as a good thing as she was just out of the prison and all her friends in prison would love me……..
………the kays lavelle scottish womens prison tour coming right up.
*must find a way to get arrested in Scotland immediately
that’s not me singing – matthew chose the one song I don’t sing. I’m the backing vocals on that track. which, is not about swans or fields.
generally I sing about a world that has lost its heartbeat………so miserable. yes miserable will do.
Euan, you’ve picked up another groupie.
Not quite such a scary one though. Just.
i don’t like scary groupies. they scare me.
dylan – you up for taking some pics at our october edinburgh gigs?? should be full band and one show is a trampoline show.
You need that blog site, Dylan. Could get yourself a regular gig, here.
they are excellent photos. will even buy you a few pints and a sausage supper as payment!
What the fuck is TWoTH doing all the way up there? I could swear I locked the cupboard.
lol. love the story.
=w=
healthryder.blogspot.com
I hope you didn’t mention that you have a blog to these two or, not only were you rude to Euan, but you also were now second hand rude to the people who have recently become aware that you were forcing your way through a conversation secretly wishing they’d shut up.
Toad-plomacy strikes again.
Ah, ribbit.
DC, that really, really isn’t nice. Behave or she’ll probably cut your balls off.
I haven’t been rude about them – they were really nice. In fact, had they not been so nice I’d have cut the conversation short almost instantly.
It’s OK, Toad. She has a tube pushed through ther keyhole for air.
JUST! oh… twat, bugger off all of ye!
nearly went to this gig (mainly to see the lovely andy tucker and his dead beat club).
i would probably have introduced myself to you if i had been there.
by telling you to shut the fuck up.
obviously.
It wasn’t, to be fair, actually me doing much of the talking.
ok.
actually i had the same thing happen to me at the Green Man this year.
i think drugs were involved but i did my best and contorted my face into a smile that – despite the effects of charlie – any fool would have understood meant “yes, quite, now shut the fuck up”.
she didn’t.
so i told her in no uncertain terms that she had to be quiet.
(but only in my mind to avoid confrontation).
meh
I bet that taught the silly old mare!
damn right
*strikes gansta pose*
*weeps*
oh and here’s the missing “g” from gangsta
On a roll with the indomitable forces of gig etiquette!
matthew is used to being told to shut the fuck up.
poor tart – i liked having a groupie. oh well. back to the prison tour planning.
oh and matthew – if that woman has read this blog – you’ve probably been green lit. nice work
Why is there a picture of James Blunt along with this story? Hoho
oh no you didn’t keith!
I’m still here for you Euan xx
In my defence, I have a skinful of whisky inside me… but you’ve got to admit, the hair, beard, suit jacket (the man has been known to wear a blazer or two) and the mic (he sings too, I’m told) build a strong case against you Euan.
Actually, have you seen the models he’s been shagging? It’s possibly not a bad thing…
I think Keith makes an excellent point, Euan. Maybe you should alter your style and cut out the prison charm offensive – go more for the middle aged housewives. What a lovely young man, and so polite.
mmmm, i’m not sure what is more offenise/repulsive – looking like pete doherty or looking like james blunt. and for the record keith – doherty was at it with kate moss who when I was younger was one of my favourite women in the world – probably still is but soooooo tainted by the whole doherty affair.
anyways, thank you for pointing out what a lovely young man i am matthew.
talking of lovely, got horse feathers first album. excellent stuff.
ps – elbow won the mercury music prize. that made me smile.
Me too. Perhaps not my favourite album of the year, but probably my favourite on that shortlist.
yeah – i actually love in rainbows but think elbow deserve it more than anyone. they are and have been for a long time – though it may not be apparent – the biggest influence on my song writing. love that band.
I was surprised that I liked In Rainbows too.
I’d downloaded it when it came out but never actually got round to listening to it, until one rainy morning stuck on the bus in traffic I decided I might as well give it a whirl.
And yes, I was surprised to find myself really enjoying it.
Especially since, in my opinion, they had until that point released nothing but interminable musical wanking of the most pointlessly self-indulgent order since OK Computer.
I did not like In Rainbows at all. I found nothing there to feel much of much about one way or another. Elbow, on the other hand, released another cracking album, and it’s about time they got a big fat pat on the back for it.
So to clear that up; my opinion of Radiohead’s discography is:
-Pablo Honey: An adequate début.
-The Bends: Fucking amazing
-OK Computer: Fucking amazing
-Kid A blah blah fucking blah then some other wankfest albums came along totally tuned out don’t care: Load of arse
-In Rainbows: Really rather good, actually
I completely disagree with that assessment.
In Rainbows, Hail to the Thief, Eraser: flat and pointless.
Kid A was pretty excellent, and Amnesiac wasn’t bad either.
Kid A is brilliant.
and for the record – not all of hail to the thief is pointless. there’s a few cracking tunes on that. same applies to eraser.
Quite possibly. I tried quite hard to get into both albums and failed, so I may well have missed a couple of songs that would have been better in isolation.
Did I ever tell you about when I bumped into Thom Yorke on Rose Street?
actually bumped into him or you just saw him from afar?
Physically collided with the guy on the corner of Rose and Hanover during the festival last year.
He’s like a little pixie!
and did you politely stop him and tell him how you hate everything since OK Computer (excluding In Rainbows)??
Quite pleased for Elbow also. Though I’d have taken In Rainbows quite happily too. Probably not connected with an album as much as I have with Seldom Seen Kid in quite a while. Really enjoyed listening to it and reading the lyrics in the sleeve notes on the first night. It actually felt like a proper experience, like albums should do I suppose.
Still no where near Asleep in the Back though!
If there was such a thing as a “Gig Review Of The Year” then that would be a surefire contender. I think I can identify the dainty disco dancer from the description. Scary.
No, just sort of mumbled “Oops. Sorry, mate..” and carried on, and he sort of did the same thing.
It was only a moment afterwards that I thought “Fuck me, that was Thom Yorke!”.
As he walked away I could tell he was thinking “Fuck me, that was Dylan!”
kevin – do you mean that you can relate and picture the person, or that you know the person for real?!! if the second option – matthew you are screwed!
keith – asleep in the back is still on my top ten albums. love it to death.
Kevin, not a friend of yours I hope. Even weighing six stone or so, she still looked intimidating!
I do have a photo of her.
It didn’t come out well enough to make the final cut of the photo album from the night – but you can identify the individuals concerned.
do i look scared in the photo?
If its the same lass she’s a well kent face around deepest Leith. You may be sad to find out that I havent got her phone number.
Actually, I am relieved. It makes an imminent chibbing seem fractionally less likely.
gutted. absolutely gutted. i love deepest darkest leith but she scared me, actually know, she amused me, her pete doherty loving friend scared me.
why can’t i spell when I write on this page??? I mean no, not know! And to think I did well in English.
Retard.
Mr. Fisk bumped, literally, with a headbone thwack, into Thom Yorke some time back too &, apparently, according to Fisk, Yorke was a seriously rude cunt about it. As a result the ever judgemental Fisk holds a grudge against him & Radiohead to this day & will not, on principle, listen to any of their music & deems it all shite.
that’s silly. that’s like my wife and mogwai – just cause they made those t-shirts about blur being shite, and just because I bought one of those said t-shirts she refuses to listen to them, come to see them live or acknowledge that they exist even.
it’s like saying, I saw the lead singer of hot hot heat in san francisco and he seemed like a really pleasant guy so on principle I have bought all their albums. which is a lie. cause frankly they are shit.
plus I thought it was luke from the kooks – not that that would change my opinion of their musical ability!
I bumped into Euan from the Kays Lavelle and he was a right b…
…….bloody polite young fellow who you’d be proud to introduce to either your middle aged mother or a prison inmate.
I didn’t say it wasn’t fucking ridiculous, Euan. That’s just Fisk for you. He just doesn’t take too kindly to ‘stars’ holidaying up their arse.
just reading some of this pish……great gig by the way…..a couple of things…..the slapper and her entourage said you (Euan) looked like Travis!!! i dunno if they meant all of them rolled up into one….and i’ll guess we’ll never know……the sparse guitar sound might have something to do with the brand spanking new guitar that Mr Anderson’s girlfriend Leigh bought for him. what a lucky fool he is.
Radiohead….House of Cards….listen…..then swallow your nonesense…..
later
69! Oh, the filth!
no – they said I sounded like Travis. which is infinitely worse.
Travis are my fucking heroes.
Euan, yes it would be a pleasure to take some photos at the October gigs. Thank you for the offer!
delayed response man.
) you’re welcome.