Five Friday Favourites
I am still so boiling with a combination of rage and digust after yesterday that I can barely think of anything fun at the moment. You know when you’re in the kind of mood where you get really irritated because your bus was on time and you might have missed it because the bastard thing has been so late so consistently for the last two months that you never for a second thought it would actually appear when it was actuall timetabled to appear. Fucking bastard bus.
I am out of money, too. The reason? Banking crisis? Credit crunch? Unusually expensive month? No, I’ve been out on the sauce too much and I’ve spent it all. And now I am angry at the world because of it.
On the plus side, Sam Amidon will be playing Edinburgh on the 10th November, which is amazingly exciting. I am trying to talk a couple of mates of mine into supporting him, but we will see. There’s also a secret show at a party next week, taking place in a gorgeous old Edinburgh venue that is being brought back to life by a couple of lovely girls. One of them, Ruth, comments on this site from time to time. The official launch party is going to be in early November, but this will be an amazing warm-up, and the chance to have a look around the place as a work in progress. So any curious Edinburgh types should email me (address on the contact page) and we should be able to get you in, provided there aren’t loads and loads of you.
Now for the fun bit: de-lurk and say hello, people! This is the time of the week where no wit, no specialist knowledge and no old in-jokes matter: everyone is encouraged to chip in. Respond to the question with five words or five paragrahs, it’s up to you, but please do feel free to respond and end the week with something trivial, silly and enjoyable. Oh, and anyone who wants to suggest next Friday’s five should email me at the usual address – it’s harder than you’d think.
1. What single item would you like to shove up the collective arse of Columbia Records?
2. Cover Columbia Records in jam and throw them to the…
3. Suggest something relaxing to help me get over my Columbia Rage.
4. How many units of alcohol tonight, and which sort?
5. Name something banal you’re going to do this weekend.
Deer Tick – Ashamed
Lincoln – Great Wall of China
Just for Tart, we have three rough old bastards:
Riff-Raff – I Wanna Be a Cosmonaut Billy Bragg before he was Billy Bragg.
The Nipple Erectors – So Pissed Off Shane MacGowan before he was in the Pogues.[
The Radiators – Television Screen Phil Chevron before he became the Pogues’ rhythm guitarist.
1. A nest of angry hornets.
2. Spiders. No, no, those anaethesiologists whose anaesthetic leaves patients awake during surgery. No, rats, really really hungry rats. Or how about the killer whales who fling baby seals about for a hour or so before killing them. Or fucking Alzheimer’s. Or those flesh-eating viruses. Or tapeworms. Grrr… I HATE THOSE FUCKERS SO FUCKING MUCH!
3. “Cool wet grass, cool wet grass…”
4. 10 units, probably beer.
5. Sort out the dirty clothes in the bedroom. Do the laundry. Collect the car from the garage. We rock, man.
1) Bob Dylan’s wit.
2) Spurs fans
3) The music of the Wallflowers.
4) none.
5) Brush les dents.
Jeez, I fel almost like I’mresponsible for your rage Matthew. OK, my go…
1. Something sharp andrusty, for good measure -a four pronged fork.
2. A nest of angry hornets, red ants and wasps.
3. Solid Air LP by John Martyn
4. Quit drinking, and if you don’t do soft drinks…actually, used to love Guinness
5. Washing, washing up, mark schoolwork, even 17 Seconds Towers cannot be a giled palace of sin at all times…
1) this is an universal thing for anybody that exerts to much power and control over something/one for no apparent gain – i would get a A4 sheet of paper shove it up their arse and pull it out fast giving them some nasty paper cuts.
2) into the Mariana Trench
3) have a wank Matty boy
4) 24 units of assorted malt whiskies
5) wake up tomorrow with a sore head, kiss my lady goodbye as she is going to see her granny then read the Saturday papers.
Aye, Ed, all your fault. Nothing to do with the DMCA or Columbia at all.
Paper cuts, Tom, nice one. That would sting.
1. Their back catalogue, all the way back to the 78s.
2. Bloggers, apparently.
3. A walk/ride/run in the countryside; nothing like fresh air and exercise to clear the head – I used to head out to Pentlands after a shit week.
4. Probably 4-5, depending on company; Ringwoods.
5. Clean all the crud off my bike; mind you, that’s been on the agenda for the last 3 weekends, so we’ll see.
He he, Matthew, i thought so!
1. Anything they share their name with.
You know… the space shuttle… the central American country. (I know – spelling – but who cares about spelling when it’s going up your arse?!)
2. Can’t top Nic’s response. Let’s have at them!
3. Hopi ear candles
4. If you’re still counting you haven’t had enough yet.
5. Clean the flat.
With or without the massage?
Oh, with, if you can.
This really doesn’t have anything to do with ear candles at all, does it? You’re just recommending a nice relaxing massage.
And they aren’t Hopi, by the way. That’s another marketing myth.
Right, King’s Wark, lunch, beer. Bonus.
There’s a thing in ben goldacre’s “Bad Science’ book (which I’ve just read this week) about the relationship between ‘Hopi Ear Candles’ and ‘Complete Bollocks’.
1. King Kong’s thumb dipped in crushed and mashed Scotch Bonnet chillies.
2. Asami, from ‘Audition’. I bloody love Audition and I particularly like the fact that she’s such a strangely likable character, that the film lets you empathise with her and understand why she might want to do these things. It’s that cheery smile as she says ‘Right foot next’. You should go and watch it straight away.
3. Read ‘Bad Science’ which will make you annoyed in all sorts of different ways but enjoyably so.
4. Probably none, although I will try and make up for it tomorrow, and certainly during the next week.
5. Food shopping, cooking, blah blah blah. The usual saturday.
Bad Science is an absolute definite for me. Really looking forward to that.
1. A hard wire brush.
2. Half starved pigs.
3. Basket weaving.
4. Not enough.
5. Worm my dog.
Oh of course – pigs! You genius, I’d forgotten what nasty bastards they could be.
It really is the perfect solution I feel. Either that or a billygoat. They’ll eat bloody anything.
1. I would like to shove the Bob Dylan ‘Tell Tale Signs’ “bootleg” ‘special edition’ box set they have the temerity to charge £90 for up there please.
2. The four million wasps of Itching Down.
3. A nice cup of tea and a bit of a sit down.
4. Plesae do not mention alchohol to me at present.
5. Pop around with a duster, queenily.
OMFG, I’m so flabbergasted to be:
a. mentioned on the first page (!)
b. recipient to three, three songs that I adore, — you have been reading my comments, you silly old goat!
c. overjoyed to know that old-school-punk is still the cure for unbridled rage, whew!
ok, the list…
1. immediately this sprung to mind, not only because it is humongous and sharp around the edges but also because it attempt to re-create the big bang! hehehhe, can you just imagine? Oh we’re an evil bunch.
2. bears of course, being a Chicago girl.
3. There’s really only one answer and you yourself once gave it away. Well, ok more than once but that time was tops!
4. However many she says, dearie.
5. Mrs. Tart and I are having a lie in on Sunday, grading school papers with some of your good music xoxoxo
But Tart, surely a Toadcast lifts any activity it accompanies above the realms of banality?
Toadcasts? Banal? Chicken in a fucking basket woman, how very dare you?
Hmm, music appears to be down. In fact I can’t connect to Dreamhost at all. They’d better be having technical issues and not fucking me about.
1. chinas annual waste
2. angry jam haters
3. a bath
4. loads, rum
5. digging my girlfriends granny a pond (no doubt in the cold fife rain)
actually the pond probably won’t be banal, just plain old shit.
I never said it was a toadcast, nic! And a lie in with the little woman is finger licking good but no chicken involved, oi! :-p (sorry it’s Friday, I’m gearing up)
1. The Himalayas. Of course, you’d have to remove their heads first.
2. Pigs, definitely.
3. Potter about the garden for a bit. Or go for a drift in a park.
4. few, gin.
5. Essays, studying for exams
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not all out to get you, Matthew.
1) Pine cones. Worked for John McCain.
2) The Congo. See how they like globalization and corporations then.
3) Listen to detective stories on the radio and play with my dogs. Hmm, I think a little bit of rock and roll died when I wrote that.
4) Working so I can’t.
5) Work, work, work. Clean up house because of dogs. Work.
1. glasvegas
2. a big giant pool of ozzy jellyfish and throw in glasvegas for good measure too please.
3. turn the lights low in the flat and stick on ocean songs by dirty 3.
4. not drinking tonight. well, don’t plan to.
5. I actuall have no idea what i’m doing this weekend at all. which is a nice feeling.
Fancy a pint tonight, Euan?
maybe. give me a shout later on. bit skint until tuesday.
revised number 4. potentially 4 or 5 pints of lager all paid for on dylans tab.
Of course, Euan, it would be my pleasure to put four or five pints of lager on my tab for you.
No problem.
1. The pigs (to make them very angry) then….
2. remove them and show them the jam…..
3. A nice cup of gin and a sit down
4. Many. In the form of Midnight Sun porter. Mmmmmmm.
5. Cooking breakfast for the hungover people of West Yorkshire. I’m working.
Apologies Tart : a fresh Toadcast is the usual Sunday morning soundtrack in this neck of the woods you see, so I jumped to conclusions.
hi ho, hi ho, off to the pub we go…
‘So any curious Edinburgh types should email me@
Well, by my reckoning you should get close on 600,000 e-mails…..
To your questions:-
(1) A broken CD of the Glasvegas debut with loads of sharp pointy bits
(2) A starving bear
(3) Knowing you, go out on to the 5-a-side pitch and nail some fucker against the boards. Or have a wank. Or both. But not at the same time
(4) None
(5) oh, no-one will beat this. Getting ona train tomorrowmorning to head to Dundee and take in Lochee United v Buckie Thistle in the 2nd round of the Scottish Cup. I expect to drink at least the equivalent of one bottle of vodka over the course of the day.
Glass fibre loft insulation should do it.
Robert Peston, watch their stock tumble.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=44277632
7, 11, 13,… units of fucking gorgeous malbec.
Get far too fucking drunk tomorrow night, get told to fuck off by my wife and wake up on the sofa.
1. What single item would you like to shove up the collective arse of Columbia Records?
http://thirdroar.com/paintings/2003-04-Fist/FIST-websmall.jpg
2. Cover Columbia Records in jam and throw them to the…
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b311/handsomehec/NOW.jpg
3. Suggest something relaxing to help me get over my Columbia Rage.
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n116/texaszero/pooping.jpg
4. How many units of alcohol tonight, and which sort?
http://sitemaker.umich.edu/pchakrab.dt/files/bourbon.jpg
5. Name something banal you’re going to do this weekend.
Count my arm. … One.
I like how C&B’s photos are pretty much interchangeable between the different questions.