Song, by Toad

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark, if just for this. Although she is a fucking MILF!
2. This is so very close, but I think rice pud just wins out – especially if there are lovely burnt bits on top.
3. Mike Myers – Wayne’s World is fucking stupid, but I still love it. Ditto large parts of Austin Powers actually, although I should know better.
4. She should stare at pictures of her own gurning puss until the sheer repellent horror of it melts the flesh from her bones. Talentless whore.
5. It’s football. You can’t play in fucking pink.

1. Raiders of the lost Ark. I thought the last one was better than some people did (I thought the Wild Ones bit in the diner was great) and at the very least I got righteously indignant at people who thought it was just silly because of the aliens. Yeah, and the arc of the covenant and the holy grail are much more sensible than aliens.
2. Custard. I have taken to making proper custard myself although nearly stopped after the second time I did it it went horribly wrong. Although rice pudding is very nice too, with a bit of nutmet infused through it and lots of sultanas.
3. Ben Elton – who I wrote something about once upon a time which went when I deleted my old place and who is something of a prize wanker but who I still quite enjoy if only in the moment itself.
4. I quite like Drew Barrymore sometimes (donnie darko, the wedding singer, curious george – alright that was a cartoon but she was still nice in it and it was a very nice simple cartoon, alright, my six year old girl loved it anyway).
5. Coventry City’s chocolate brown affair

1. The one with Sean Connery of course, especially when he boffs the same bird as Indy.

2. Custard. Bread and butter pudding with custard, treacle tart and custard, apple crumble and custard. none of your Tiramisu shit or fruit piled up with coulis and chocolate. Good british stodge deserts with a coating of creamy dairy fat. Yum.

3. Peter Kay – its a bit crap but I like his old fashioned schtick. Russell Brand on the other hand, for all his modernity and popularity, I want to beat to death slowly with a red hot tire iron. No rush, I can take 48 hours out of my schedule.

4. Wrap her in a towel, take her into the middle of the woods and wait till the aliens take her away (note to Eliot, get it right next time asshole)

5. http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/sport/afl/hawthorn-shock-wasteful-cats-to-claim-flag/2008/09/27/1222217578776.html. Punch up, or is he asking him to go down on him? The clothes say it all. its a head job.

Oh yeah and putting romantic shit on your post does not get you off the hook for stumbling in at 4am pished as a brewery pond newt.

Our marriage: drunken 4am stumbling and some romantic shit. Take note, kids.

1. Temple of Doom for sure. Any film that has somebody getting their heart pulled out by hand is worth its weight in gold……….talking of hearts being pulled out…….that’ll do nicely for number 4.

2. Don’t like either. Dylan bought me a custard tart the other day and I had to give it to the wife. Very nice of him but I don’t like custard. And I don’t like rice pudding either. it’s sickly. my mum used to make it and I used to be forced to eat it – yuck.

3. I’d have to say Will Ferrell. Doing the same films over and over and over should get boring. But it doesn’t for me.

4. See point 1. although, she has nice boobs so maybe the heart could be extracted via the back so those treasures were not destroyed.

5. http://www.uniformsexpress.com – take your pic from this selection……..sorry C&B it’s still wrong.

alternatively I agree with Matthew – http://www.football-shirts.co.uk/fans/partick-thistle-away-kit-0809_1557

uniformSEXpress.com? Snigger.

1. Blade Runner was my Indiana Jones. Not sure if that makes me more or less nerdy.

2. Custard. I mean really. Rice Pudding? Rice? Pudding?

3. Will Ferrel is a good shout. Or maybe Tom Greene. C’mon – when he makes his mum cry? Genius.

4. Drew Barrymore is a strong role model for women everywhere as she’s been able to establish herself as a successful actress and producer, despite having a troubled childhood in the media spotlight. Plus, she’s super hot.

5. All sport is fucking boring. But last night Rob St John told me about this episode of peanuts that was created to help teach kids how to deal with bereavement. It sounds awesome.

“Plus, she’s super hot”

I would rather fuck an angry crocodile in the mouth.

Wow, given your eloquent turn of phrase just there, i’m not sure this will make sense but thank you for your kind words, Matthew!! Hope you enjoyed the food!

1 – the one they get monkey brains for dinner – that made me laugh (I’ve no real idea about Indiana Jones, but that stands out!)

2. Custard, without a doubt.

3. sorry Mrs Toad – i really like Russell Brand, please don’t hurt him… or me for that matter!

4. I’m not sure DB needs to die to be honest, but for arguments sake, under the plane in Donnie Darko’s bedroom and the lovely Jake Gyllenhaal survives

5. Sorry about the link but i’m technically dumb – Ian Poulter should be burned in all he wears

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/02_04/PoulterGarmsPA_468×416.jpg

That link actually worked – i am secretly a technical genius!!

1. The Empire Strikes Back
2. Rice Pudding. Cold. Straight from the tin.
3. Newman and Baddiel when they do the History Today sketches. “That’s you that is..” Childish as fuck but it just absolutely destroys me.
4. I’d lock her in a room with Rod Stewart, put Black Kids on the stereo and see how long she lasted.
5. I love the kit worn by French rugby club Stade Français. You have to be pretty hard to play rugby union in one of the world’s top leagues, such as the French Top 14; but it takes a special kind of hardman to run out in a top decorated extravagently with pink lilies.

1) Raiders of the Lost Arc. If only because of the moment in the market where they guy flashes his sword and Jones just shoots him. A perfect moment ruined only by all the idiot Trying-So-Hard-To-Be-Film-Buffs that tell the story of how it came about ad bloody nausea.

2) Rice pudding every time. All things are better in pudding form. Steak, rice, bread, friut, chocolate. Pudding is great and rice pudding is the King of puddings. Rememeber when you used to have pudding everyday in Pre-School. Fantastic. And you had an hour nap time in the middle of day. Pudding and naps. In fact, I’m pretty sure my life has been on a steady decline since pre-school. Bugger.

3) Stephen Colbert. This guy gets a little poor at times but I will always love him for this cringe fest, and for making Bush’s arse pucker like a frightened hedgehog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qa-4E8ZDj9s

4) Rig one of those Clockwork Orange machines and force her to watch her own film in a loop. That should do it. And it will hurt too.

5) One link iis the worst uniform ever, the other is an odd google image that I came across looking for the worst uniform ever.
http://www.tristarproductions.com/Sales/Images/Baseball/Astros/RyanN-8×10-Rainbow.jpg
http://businessimagegroup.com/presidentialimages.com/images/Reagan/reagan-lifeguard_A-9_400.jpg

What a cock Izzy’s golfer is!

That sentence doesn’t sound like what it’s supposed to sound like.

1) Raiders of the Lost Arc. If only because of the moment in the market where they guy flashes his sword and Jones just shoots him. A perfect moment ruined only by all the idiot Trying-So-Hard-To-Be-Film-Buffs that tell the story of how it came about ad bloody nausea.

Ooh! Ooh! It’s because he had diarrhoea!

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Really, how often do sequels improve things? The most recent one was an incoherent travesty.

2. Custard. Far more convenient for camping.

3. Seinfeld. Gives me the irrits, but I still laugh.

4. Nah, can’t work up much bile towards Drew.

5. Sports uniforms look silly. Period. If I had to pick a particular pet peeve: spandex cycling gear.

can’t believe you dissed poults.

I think his success is purely down to diversionary tactics…

Nic you bastard. My eyes are fucking burning after that!

It was actually far worse (better?) than what I expected to find when I went looking.

Wait a second Bart. Are you bloody high? Drew Barrymore is a role model for talentless self indulgent brats who ego maniacally believe that their art takes no study and ride the wealth and connections of their parents to the top without ever displaying a single second of respect for their craft or the people whose opportunities they rob because they went to acting school rather than popping out of a couple of hollywood players. Does she feel a moment of guilt because she get

You are wrong, but more importantly, forgiving a practice that suppresses the voice of artist and encourages the mediocrity that is spreading through the arts even as we speak. I am shocked to hear such an opinion expressed on a site dedicated to the promotion of hard working talented people.

Matthew, I would like to revise my answer to number 4). Lock her in a room with me, a noose and sturdy beam. I’ll get her to do it for us.

Yes Dylan. Yes it is. Thanks.

She produced Donnie Darko, and her backing pretty much got the film financed.

Plus, she’s hot.

I appreciate her contribution to Donnie Darko immensely. It’s a fantastic movie, one of my favourites.

I also think she’s an entertaining comedienne.

But cute? She looks like Ron Perlman.

No. Surely not. Drew fucking Barrymore? She’s a talentless clown who looks like she’s had her face bashing in with a shovel, and if only it were true.

Christ, to steal someone else’s phrase, if I was trapped in a burning car and she came running over to rescue me, I’d probably lock the fucking doors.

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark is so obviously the answer. Fucking Nazis getting their faces melted is one of the truly heroic images of my youth.

2. Custard, preferably inside an eclair.

3. Gilbert Gottfried, when he’s allowed to be filthy.

4. I also really like Drew Barrymore. She was sooo hot in ET. (Sorry).

5. Chicago White Sox, 1976. Baseball must never be played in shorts, although the faux collar has a certain whimsical charm.

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2005/10/20/sports/20veeck.7.jpg

I can forgive the kiddie-fancying far easier than any sort of credit for he laughable acting abilities. She’s a fucking brain-dead retard with a depressingly bizarre impression that she is attractive, which she isn’t, and I can’t fucking stand her.

1) Never watched any of the Indiana Jones movies so i’ll say The Empire Strikes Back.
2) Custard
3) michael macintyre
4) no she doesn’t
5) Football
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKdETq7ZGgQ
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/oct/03/newcastleunited.premierleague

last night was class….

Wow, she made Donnie Darko? One film to show for 30 years in the industry. Good thing those jobs weren’t given to someone with actual talent, or we may have had two good films. Ever had a relative of a boss promoted over you. Ever had your job demeaned because of nepotism? Because next time it happen and you feel upset, go home and watch Fever Pitch (the American Version). It’ll cheer you right up. Not so the actress who didn’t make it because Drew’s Dad got her the roll, but you’ll feel better.

i didn’t really think about number 5….just in case anyone goes thats not a silly strip….anyway…it’ll make you smile..

Sorry Matthew

I’m going to banish myself from leaving messages on this blog until I’m posting about an album I like and can say something positive.

Drew Barrymore….why get so upset about her?

get upset over some proper plonker….

Good point Tom

I drafted and erased four answers to that question all of which descended into rants. No point. Nepotism exists, and there it is. She’s a hack, and there it is.

All of which distracts from the real point of this post which is that pudding is ace. It makes me happy. So I’m going to eat some. And forget about… about…er…Mmmm pudding.

She’s fucking dreadful. It needs to be said, and said vehemently, so go for it if you so choose. That said, Tom is right. Perhaps time to breathe deeply and have a beer and play Sunset Tree by the Mountain Goats and get over it.

Next week’s five is going to be five reasons to hate Drew Barrymore – I’ll just copy and paste this thread – job done!

Oh the rage about poor Drew! I’m amused.

1. Totally agreed on the Nazi face burn off, C&B you rock, as usual.
2. Custard, bread pudding to be exact (does that mean I should answer pudding? You Europeans have me so confused sometimes) but bread and eggs and milk and sliced almonds and craisins (dried cranberries) and nutmeg and sugar and cinnamon, yum!
3. I hope this is not seen as brown nosing (yes nasty jokes welcome) but I do adore Billy Connolly. How can one not love a man who successfully makes fun of the Women’s Movement?
4. Well I think Drew is quite pretty. But I’ll allow for her death due to pure stupidity and vapidity, so roll her naked in honey and leave her to the ants I say.
5. Perhaps this might get me banned but Matthew you never said what kind of sport it had to be… so here’s my favorite sports uniform, and some eyecandy for your friday. xoxo

And you all thought we went to American football games to see the guys? Pfffft

Actually Tart, I have no idea why anyone goes to American football games, guys, girls or otherwise.

Oh God Tart, and I’d just calmed down too. You brought up the one thing in the world boils my blood that more than rich people using connections to promote their talentless family: Cheerleaders.

Fuck cheerleading. What do you do sir? I’m a journalist. I use my pen to shine the light of truth and inform the public. And you ma’am? I am a Doctor, I use my extensive knowledge to help the sick. And you ma’am? I dress up in a tiny skirt and tell men they’re, like totally awesome, and so so strong.

If I had a daughter I would, and I’m not joking here, honestly I’m not, I’d rather she came hope at 16 pregnant than expressing a desire to be cheer leader. At least pregnancy allows you to maintain self respect.

Also I really like listing ships.

No, Drew Barrymore isn’t dreadul.

Unfortunately, she just looks like a Routemaster bus.

She’s actually in Donnie Darko and she does a fine job, as she did in E.T. and, erm, some other movies.

It’s the other movies that are the problem. Absolutely every single last one of them makes me want to drown her in a paddling pool.

That Luminaire sign is ace. Sadly the couple sold on love’s young dream stood just to the right of it were unable to understand it’s message. Broken Records were indeed very good, too.

Did someone mention The Mountain Goats? I got here as quickly as I could.

1)Raiders all the way. For one, it has Alfred Molina before he had any fame at all, and he gets covered in tarantulas and spikes through the face in the first 5 minutes. For another, it has Karen Allen before she had that fixed Botox expression on her face that she walks around with now. God, how shit was Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? I’m gettting depressed just thinking about it.

2)Custard.

3)Bob Saget. Only because it’s hilarious to see Danny Tanner say ‘fuck’ with such relish.

4)I don’t like her, but I’d rather see Cameron Diaz expire. Maybe a suicide pact?

5)There have already been too many hilarious suggestions for me to even try to compete. Plus I’m awful at sports and never enjoyed watching them, either.

Dylan

If you shat in a plastic bag and left it in hollywood for 20 years it would be in two good films. The Wedding Singer for fuckssake! Poison Ivy? I’d be more likely to jeopardize my marriage by sexually assaulting a teddy bear than that blotchy looking tart. Come one! 50 First Dates? Riding in Cars With Boys? Music and Fucking Lyrics? She made Hugh Grant look pained! Duplex???

Also the eddy Bear thing happened. I’m not proud of it.

Ben,

It was because he had diarrhoea!

Haha!

“Feel bad yet? You should.”

Couldn’t let you away with this any longer.

You lead that poor girl like a lamb to the slaughter.
Shame on you.
Shame i say!
Given the nature of the original post you must have had more than an inkling that the response to these tracks would be mostly negative otherwise you would have treated them like any other songs that passed under your radar.
All the folks who posted did was react as per.

SO, HA!

If you shat in a plastic bag and left it in hollywood for 20 years it would be in two good films.

I’ve spent years wishing I was this funny. You bastard.

Mr. Bear, actually I do feel rather guilty but I definitely thought opinion would be more evenly split. It’s not edgy indie, but I think One Spring Away is a terrifically catchy pop song and I really didn’t expect people to be quite so universally negative. I did expect some strong opinions though, so maybe I am a little guilty there.

I’m not joking or exaggerating though – I do genuinely like the song and I really did think a few more people would agree with me. That’s the risk you run releasing music though – if people hate it then they are going to say so. If you don’t like it, then only pass out CD-Rs to your friends.

Glad I’m not the only one. I had to tell this young chap to kindly talk elsewhere during a Silver Jews gig. Sadly, I wished I had done it earlier in the night but during my all time favorite SJ song Tenesse, I overheared the aforementioned chap say that he’s never hear of the band and doesn’t like them.
As a musician playing quiet(ish) music it is a real pain to listen to people discussing ‘Ugly Betty’ or other tiresome subject matters whilst trying to play.

Exactly – it’s not like there aren’t enough other places to drink. Just fuck off somewhere else.