Gin and Crumpets
Late last week Dylan was trying to be a smart arse by once again reminding everyone of a joke he found extremely funny about nine months ago but which everyone else forgot more or less within half an hour. That joke? Bringing some ASDA Smart Price Gin to our Christmas party (first Saturday in December, for those of you planning that far ahead). Because I like gin, you see. Nice gin. Like Tanqueray. And this was cheap and rough. Ha ha. See? Get it? Yes, that’s what I thought too. Hilarious.
What he ended up doing though, in looking for a picture of this foul fluid, was stumbling across a blog called Gin and Crumpets which is fucking brilliant. It’s about gin and food and restaurants and gin and cakes and gin, so you can see the obvious appeal. And, having crashed her party with our Christmas-party-shitty-gin-related shenanigans it then, in a magnificent coincidence, turns out that Ms. Gin & Crumpets herself is actually a fan of the Edinburgh DIY music scene. Which is weird. But great. And weird.
Anyhow, pop along and read the blog. I am handily linking to the gin section, but there’s a lot more to it than that: the turn of phrase is brilliant, the photos are oddly artless and still somehow gorgeous. And in general it is just a nice place. There are other reasons for mentioning it of course, and those reasons are in the title of the blog itself: gin, and of course crumpets.
Firstly, I feel like I owe gin an apology. Neil and I drank a bottle of Caol Ila and a bottle of Ardbeg between us on Sunday night and, apart from the brain-crushing hangover, I felt rather grubby the next day: like I’d cheated on a lover who had nurtured me through years of heartache. Do not worry, my juniper mistress, I may have dallied for an evening, but you are still my true love. Fear not, for you have not been abandoned.
Secondly, there are the crumpets. I fucking love crumpets. Growing up in Austria you simply do not get crumpets, so when we came to England to visit my English grandparents (the others are Dutch-Canadian) I remember watching cricket, Wimbledon, Neighbours and eating crumpets. I still rarely ever eat crumpets now, but for some reason they seem like the ultimate treat: toasted to the point of becoming slightly crispy on the top, but still soft in the middle, and drenched in so much butter it could stop your heart from across the room. There were a few oddly nostalgic things about visiting England in those days, stuff like digestive biscuits with cheddar and apples or beans on toast – things we just couldn’t get at home – but crumpets were then and remain one of my favourites.
And that, is pretty much that. Don’t know what brought that aimless ramble on, but there you go. It can’t be insightful, cutting edge cultural commentary every day, you know.
The Victorian English Gentlemen’s Club – Ban the Gin
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Dylan? Trying to be a smart arse?? I don’t believe you!!
Yes, I was flabberghasted too. Especially the bit where he kept going on and on about it because he felt under-applauded for some particular joke or other. Unheard of! Next you’ll be telling me there’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy.
Dylan? trying? nah!
Poor chap. Less Dylan-baiting and more crumpets, I think.
i do love crumpets…….they are the best any time snack…..hot and buttery……and on mine i love loads of Marmite!
re-Dylan baiting, until it is outlawed this blood sport is still legal…..mainly just cos he bites so readily.
I love crumpets too. Hot and buttery is the best way Tom agreed. And whiskey. I am impressed that you and Neil are alive after a 2 bottle session tho Matthew. Well done for living.
Aw, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me. As a consequence I am going to relentless stalk you until you agree to be my gin slave. That seems like a proportional response, doesn’t it?
Very funny blog – I’m enjoying reading it.
Gin slave? Not if there’s going to be so
much as the merest sniff of that ASDA pish ever again. Stick to the Tanqueray though, and I’m sold.
Euan – for the record, a whole bottle of spirits of an evening is not happening again. To get back on the gin, I horsed a whole bottle of Blackwoods at the house gig and Christ on a bike I felt dubious the next day. Never again.
Firstly, the Smart Price gin thing at your party was well funny, and by the end of the night you had still drained the bottle!
Secondly, no-one who puts marmite on a crumpet is going to scare me with their hamfisted and clumsy efforts at piss taking.
And thirdly, has anyone actually seen Neil since Sunday?
Hot and buttery is the best way
No, cold and dry. Straight out of the packet. Mmm..
With marmite on.
see what i mean……hooked!
Actually, even funnier than the Smart Price gin, were the bottles of ready mixed advocaat Snowballs I brought round for Mrs. Toad!
Comedy gold.
To be fair to Dylan, I do actually remember him being funny once. It may have been
last April, but I think it probably did happen.
And for the record, I never touched the Smart Price gin. I think. It all gets rather hazy after about three.
i think we all got spiked by it Matthew…….it was more than rank!
That pub the Fox & Anchor G&C reviewed looks brilliant.
Let’s go there!
A Toad & Crumpets night out!
I can piss smoke rings.
i can piss piss
Is DC locked in the freezer again?
Someone go and help him out..
Ooh, that pub on G&C looks great.
I wish we had a slew of decent gastropubs in edinburgh (with the emphasis on the pub more slightly than the gastro – I agree re balsamic on chips).
Thanks god for the Kings Wark.
And The Shore (except not so much since it got poshed up and I know its nicer and the toilet is clean and seats comfy instead of cracked bentwood but I’m just saying I liked it before better and there was more fish on the menu).
The Compass is nice too.
Is that it?
Roseleaf is worth a should, and as I’m such an eternally crippled bastard, it is about the only place I can walk to from my flat.
On the whisky front Mr Toad, this mule, for one, is so very proud. However, henceforth, you must refer to Ardbeg as ‘The Badger’, which is not simply a needless extension of animal nicknames, but just happens to be an anagram.
Also, completely unrelated as my posts on your site generally are, the greatest anagram of all time?:
French footballer and L’oreal model DAVID GINOLA (see, it is a gin reference after all) can be rearranged to spell VAGINA DILDO.
*Roseleaf is worth a shout, not a should.
ooh, G&C mentions a brunch club as well, I’d like to be in a brunch club.
Of course, I’m more 3-4pm brunch as opposed to the 11-12am sort. but lundin or luntea don’t sound as good.
The Dogs, not really a pub mind, but still bloody awesome pub type grub
Gin slave! The mind boggles! I already love this new stalker of yours, Matthew. Tell her to email me if she needs tips.
Now explain a crumpet cause they come in the grocery store here and they’re awful flat ugly things with holes in them, yuk.
Crumpet comes in your grocery store? No wonder you’re panting 24/7, Tart.
they’re awful flat ugly things with holes in them
Yup.
Apart from not awful. I love crumpets.
I remember reading about the Asda Smart Price gin crack.
I’m sure I do. It was posted on these pages, right?
There you go, Dylan: Some people hang on your every word.
It’s not something to be proud of, Gav.
yes, googling “crumpet” images with your safe filter off does enlighten you a bit… but I do want those files DC, so stop kissin up and get to work over there oxox
Dylan, surely there’s better vehicles for butter and jam?
I’ve just given myself an uncontrollable fit of the giggles reading the Flaming Pears recipe.
I’m going to have to do some proper work now to calm down a bit!
Dylan, surely there’s better vehicles for butter and jam?
Oh my, Tart, is that a proposition?!
i think i’m being sick
“Madness masquerading as pudding”
Yup, Dylan, that’ll be the giggles alright!
Did Gin in any way influence the misspellings that caused the broken links to the tom waits track that I now really really want to listen to?