1. Worst DIY disaster. – trip to IKEA wherein I bought shelves which were never hung (still hidden behind the sofa), spent $50 on cookies and jam, got insulted by not-so-handsome store help for ramming giant cart into him on the way out, lost car in parking lot (for over an hour, roamed with key fob in hand, endlessly clicking, sobbing in the cold, harsh, windy night), and vowed to never return (still haven’t, two years later). Let’s not mention it again, ok?
2. Stupidest thing you’ve said on a first date. – “Oh, him? Don’t worry, he usually sleeps through this.” (ok, it was only my roommate, who was snoring in next room, but date didn’t know and thought it was my husband and grabbed clothes, ran out the door and never came back, whereupon I burst out laughing, actually waking said roommate who had a good laugh with me and eventually became ex-bf.)
3. Total cooking failure. – moi? please!
4. Stupidest thing you’ve said to your boss. – I once narc’ed on a co-worker who was driving me crazy and told boss’ wife that she was being called a cunt (very much worse over here) by what she thought was her favorite employee, which only really made me look more like one (cunt that is). Amazingly, they all forgave me, but I attribute that to the fact that I daily changed clothes in the locker room downstairs along with everyone else (I was the only female employee – the exhibitionism goes way back.)
5. Comedy falling down moment. – hmmm this one is hard, I’m pretty graceful actually… and low center of balance being so short! I guess being at RiotFest a few weeks ago was the most falling down I did in my life, but that was more because I was shoved, and it was pretty comedic to those around me It’s always funny to see the little middle-aged lady get knocked down by the 7 ft., angry, wannabe-punker as he plows his way through the crowd. Some cutie picked me up off the floor each time, so it was kinda worth it.

Matthew, if you were a superhero I’m quite sure gin would be your kryptonite!

It made me laugh though…

Wilf, ask Mrs. Toad about me accidentally falling into surprisingly deep pools of water. I too have a track record.

2. Oh pretty much anything I say on any date is stupid. Best one, though not on a date, was to an American girl who upon finding out I was Scottish asked me to “say something Scottish”. Mind went blank, and I replied with “get in ma belly” in the style of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. She was unimpressed.

3. Again no cooking disasters, but did put a pair of jeans in an oven to dry since I needed them for that night and had no other fast drying technology available. You can see where this is going can’t you? Yes, jeans went on fire when i forgot about them. I still wore them to the pub that night, even with large holes and scorch marks.

4. When working in a supermarket we changed ownership and a new manager came in. Straight off he took a dislike to me, mostly because he thought I was useless at my job and I’d regularly do better than anyone else in my department, proving him wrong. We had “clear the air” talks at one point which turned into something from a comedy film, as he said “you don’t like me, i don’t like you” to which I, being a smartarse, answered that I didn’t have a problem with him. He reitterated that he didn’t like me then, to which my response was “well it’s hardly my fault you are a c**t is it?”. I left that job shortly after.

5. Oh, many, though these days I’m good at keeping my balance. Have walked into things, fallen into roadworks and off walls. Most amusing – to everyone who saw it, but not much fun for me – was leaping over what seemed to be a small wall, not knowing till i was over it that there was a drop of about 10 foot behind it. Happily only my dignity was wounded.

2. apparently see I are scientist.s reply !!! They were nice dancers mind !

3. Once cooked Christmas pud by placing the plastic container it was in into a pan of hot water and left it far far to long. I was left with no pudding !!! and a very smelly flat.

4. probably said yes i’ll do that when I really wanted to say fuck right off.

5. Lots of drunken falling on my arse but the most memorable was 1/2 an hour into a long days walking with H and a friend. Whilst trying to jump a small river I managing to slip and end up sat in said river up to my waist. Had to spend the next few hours walking in very wet pants, nice

2. Slagging off Zero 7 early on in our relationship may not have been a good move; nearly got dumped – but my wife married me anyway.

3. Oh Lord…making someone a cup of tea when I was sixteen and on work experience which had washing up liquid was not an inspired move.

4. Any occasion when I have been honest has usually landed me in hot water.

5. Singing in a very solemn piece of classical music at Canterbury Cathedral as a student my trousers fell down. It was a requiem but everyone was pissing themselves laughing!