Make the Vrrrroosh Noises
I think it’s one of my favourite things about Star Wars – or indeed anything – that Ewan McGregor had to be told to stop making the Vrrroosh noises during filming for The Phantom Menace (see here, towards the end of the first section).
There’s something about that pointless little factoid which makes me giggle, pretty much every time I remember it. Partly, it makes McGregor himself seem like one of us. He’s already talked about how starstruck he was to be involved with the Star Wars films in the first place, but it’s one thing to say it, and quite another to have your childish glee hung out there for all to see. I know nothing about McGregor at all, actually, but I don’t think I want to know anything beyond that one fact, because it makes him something of a hero to me, honestly. I can just imagine the weary voices of the crew every time he did it as well – that dragged out, two-syllable admonishment pronunciation of his name: “Yoo-WUN, fucksake.”
Vrrroosh! You tool! Brilliant.
In other news, Jesus H. Foxx have a couple of demos up from their recent recording escapades. These can be downloaded from their new blog, and enjoyed with a cup of tea and a nice biscuit.
And in yet more hilarious news, Parliament has finally realised that all this money Prince Charles and his band of deluded halfwits insist we spend on homeopathy is basically a total waste of everyone’s fucking time. I tend to think of the National Lottery as a tax on the inability to do basic statistics, and homeopathy is very similar, in that it is at root simply a tax on ignorance.
Basically, there are no ingredients in homeopathic remedies, and they have been repeatedly shown to do absolutely nothing at all. If you buy them, you are being scammed, pure and simple. Like a great many religous beliefs it is easy to wave your hands and ignore it and pass it off with tolerant statements like ‘oh it does no harm’, but it does. Homeopathy is harmless enough in most circumstances, I would agree… unless you are actually suffering from something. If you actually have a disease then this sort of childish nonsense actually does have plenty of potential to cause real harm. Certainly the placebo effect is powerful, so simply believing that you are being given medicine can have a strong benefit, even if you aren’t, but there are two very serious consequences which result from failing to challenge this sort of mumbo-jumbo.
Firstly, it distances us from the real world, from observable, actual effects, and things which actually happen. It damages our ability to actually do good and to progress medicine and to heal people, because that only happens when we study and test medicine using controlled, randomised, double-blind trials, and then throw out the shit which doesn’t work. Giving charlatans who peddle no more than wishful thinking some sort of hocus-pocus shield to hide behind gives large pharmaceutical companies the same get out of jail free card as well. Most of the people who sell you all this alternative bobbins are actually owned by large pharma companies anyway and, frankly, published, peer-reviewed and controlled trials are the only defence any of us has against their avarice. It’s also the only defence we have against wishful thinking, and against the flaws of what we humans rather vainly call our common sense. Or, to put it another way, it’s the only way to tell if something actually fucking works.
Secondly, the more money we waste on shit which simply doesn’t do anything, such as homeopathy, the less we have to spend on employing doctors and nurses, buying actual medicine and other trivial little things like that. Money is a precious commodity in the NHS, and it’s one thing for some idiotic middle-class fuckwit to waste their own money on nicely shaken bottles of water and sugar pills, but it isn’t just their own money which they are wasting.
I would agree with a lot of the critiques of modern medicine, most obviously its corruption by the large companies who seek to profit from its exploitation, but if you think that in any way invalidates its achievements then you are quite simply an idiot. Do you really want to go back to a time when life expectancy was about fortyish and when a simple dental problem could kill you? Do you want Polio back? How about Smallpox? Fucking idiots.
So, from Ewan McGregor making the Vrrroosh noise, to new Jesus H. Foxx songs, to homepaths finally being told to fuck off back to playschool, all in a single post. I have a hangover, and I need a sandwich.
Star Wars Theme
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Is this all to do with me comparing you to Obi Wan Kenobi last night?!
Vrrroosh.
I don’t quite get the intense vitriol that gets thrown at homeopathy. While it’s certainly obsolete, it’s streets ahead of bleeding and leeches, and is an important part of the development of modern medicine.
It’s present fashionability just seems to be the misapplication to a medical paradigm of the retro-fetishist impulse that usually gets attached to cars, record players and the like. Though I suppose I’d be rather pissed off if the Antique Automobile Club got a chunk of the public transport budget.
The reason I throw vitriol at homeopathy is nothing to do with a retro-fetishist impulse (though talk to me about the amount of crimplene in my wardrobe). It’s because they don’t work. They don’t do a fucking thing. Sure, there may be a placebo effect, but is it really for the NHS to be providing £X million in funding to maintain the illusion of science around this nonsense, when they could give out sugar pills without homeopathic labelling that’d have the same effect?
Homeopaths prey on the desperate. I’ve friends with chronic illnesses or who are trying to get pregnant. They fork out money for appointments with these quacks and for little pilules of nothing but sugar. The pills aren’t going to help their Crohn’s disease or make them produce more eggs. At most, it might make them feel a bit better, by feeling that they’re being listened to properly. But this is money that they’d be better off spending on a nice holiday in the sunshine. The NHS shouldn’t be legitimising snake oil.
Fuck, don’t I sound po-faced.
To be fair Matthew, for those of us that live in the states that penultimate paragraph remain accurate all the way through.
Communist.
troll troll fucking troll
That is one of the best things I have ever heard anywhere, ever.
EVER!
Something just struck me on that Star Wars page:
Ewan McGregor mouthed his own lightsaber noises before being asked to ‘leave it to the professionals’
There are professional lightsaber noise-makers? Holy crap am I ever in the wrong field!
I have the Lightsaber app for my iPhone.
It does the ‘idle hum’.
Yes, that sound is officially called ‘idle hum’. You know the one I mean.
Incidentally Matthew you may want to go back to your Friday five and change your answer to the question concerning upsetting your parents to “writing posts like this”.
Why do they hate Star Wars?
“Homeopaths prey on the desperate.” too true.
Brilliant post though. From eternity to here in one fell swoop.
I chickened out of calling Radio 4′s “You and Yours” this morning and getting involved in their debate on this, so I’m going to unzip my pique here instead. Over the last week or so, there have been a number of discussions on this topic in the realm of TV/radio/newspapers, the vast majority of which have approached it with what I can only assume is a confused ignorance. On every occasion, there has been at least one member of any given panel who has not bothered to check what the word “homeopathy” actually means, and has given their opinion on it while seemingly confusing it with standard western herbalism (allopathic). Compounding my frustration, it would appear that noone else on these shows is knowledgable enough in these discussions to call them up on it. Even the bloody Guardian managed an entire column which sprayed withering damnation on homeopathy, whilst showing little to no understanding of what it actually IS.
I suspect that if homeopathy was understood clearly, properly – most would agree it is not worthy of any sort of backing. A bit like the BNP.
Yeah, that one happens to me from time to time as well. It’s not unusual when this topic comes up for people to start defending herbalism, acupuncture and all sorts, which are all largely, if not quite entirely, beside the point.
Whenever I hear discussion of homeopathic medicine I always think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGIbOGu8q0
Any post that links me to something like this…
“The very rare Great Lightsaber, similar to a standard lightsaber, had focusing crystals and a power supply producing a blade up to 300 centimeters in length. ”
…is ok by me.
My kids have toy lightsabers which make the “idle hum” at rest, go “vroosh” when swung about, and go “tzzzkkt” when beaten against a 6-year-old. Modern technology is a wonder.
Dara O’Briain is also rather excellent on this topic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIaV8swc-fo
Not lightsabers.
I’m sorry I called you a troll, Chutney. But I’m not sorry I said you look like Will Champion.
i fucking fucking fucking hate homeopathy. the amount of idiots that come into my working asking about it is unbelievable. “oh yeah, you got stung by a bee? take this very very very very watered down bee venom and sugar, that should sort you right out”
twats.
the memory of water my fucking arse.
I kinda like Coldplay…so thats ok….don’t let the cool kids on here know that tho!
You are a very brave soul for saying that RCC. Admission is the first step to getting better.
Do the iPhone apps that make the ‘idle hum’ noise take into consideration other iPhones that have the same app that are nearby?
Cause that would make me consider buying an iPhone
They also do the swoosh and clash noises, so if you had two iPhones close to each other, the fun would possibly never end.
Ewan McGregor will forever hold a place in my heart for struggling so manfully through those last three Star Wars films. He actually comes across as one of the coolest characters despite not appearing in a single good scene. Bless you Ewan. You tried.
He does have one cool scene, Ben. Was it at the start of the second movie where they chase the villain assassin through ‘downtown’ erm… home planet, and end up losing their quarry as he disappears into a bar. Anakin frustratedly says “Now what?!” and Obi Wan coolly replies “I don’t know about you, but I’m going for a drink..”
no one noticed! whoop
What, about you and Coldplay?
Everyone noticed. We’re just not surprised.
THEWIND – Is that you, Wind?
Wow, a post about lightsabers and homeopathy bashing… good work fella… SBT podcast time for me now whilst playing civilisation II
If you haven’t read ‘bad science’ yet I highly recommend it – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Science_%28book%29
Missed you at the Forest last week but sent a shout out to you and your blog which went down well with the crowd
Hope all is well
Robin
http://www.robingrey.com
Ewan McGregor. Carrying of the Jedi equivalent of saying “I’m away to get get pisched wee mon. Then I’m going to get ma hole!”
Love to have seen Hayden act his way past that.
And yes RCC, everyone noticed the Cold Play incident.
- “What now, Obi Wan?! We’ve lost our man!!”
– “Ah’m gettin pished on heavy and gettin a chipsteak supper on the way hame.. Away an fuck yersel wee man!”
hey now
Can’t a Jedi enjoy a nice chipsteak supper after a couple of pints?!
I’m sure he could – if he had any idea what the fuck one was.
I sense you doubt the power of The Force, my young padawan.
I would pay good money for George Lucas to go back and change at least one of Obi-Wan’s post-killing-someone-comments to “Get te shite”.
Or: “That’s you telt, ya fat bastart!”
Telt? Haha!!! I think I love Scotland a little.
Best thing ever done about star wars ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI
Happy good times. The only thing that’s worse than homeopathy is episode 1. The guy in the video shall explain why…
That series of videos is absolutely fucking brilliant!
Queen Ah Ma Darlin’
Fucking genius!
“why would they land their invasion force in the woods on the far side of the planet?”
Touche!
That whole thing was an hour of the best YouTubeage I have ever seen – such a lot of work has gone into that outrage, it’s pure poetry!