Friday Wants to be in Broken Records
It’s just a pity I can’t play the bass guitar, or mine too could be a life of not having as cool a beard as Ian, being a bit scared that Andy Keeney actually might be dangerous, wishing I could play as many instruments as Rory or getting that stare from Jamie when I did something wrong.
What the fuck am I talking about, you ask? Well our dear friends Broken Records are looking for a new bass guitar player. Gill (the nice man in the picture above) has departed to set up his own business, and as much as the band are thrilled for him (as am I) and wish him the best of luck, it does mean they need a new bass player. Here is the classified ad they sent me (I’m starting to feel like a bit of a lonely hearts club):
Broken Records are looking for new full-time member to join us on the bass guitar. We’ve just finished work on our new album scheduled for release in the Autumn on 4AD and will be touring the UK and internationally to coincide with this. If you’re interested then get in touch at brokenrecordsband *at* gmail.com and tell us a bit about yourself (if we don’t know you already!): previous experience, what music you like, contact details, etc. We are looking for someone to primarily play bass, but a good proficiency on the guitar will be useful too, and let us know if you play any other instruments. A love of Hüsker Dü and Peter, Paul and Mary not essential.
So there you go, all joking aside, Broken Records need a new bass players, and if you would like the job, get in touch.
And as for the Friday Fives, well Fridays are always the days for a de-lurking amnesty, so please stick your noses out of the woodwork and say hello. Stick your noses out of the woodwork? What the fuck does that even mean? Ignore me. Answer the five questions. Talk pish afterwards. The usual.
1. Which band would you most like to join?
2. Favourite bass player of all time.
3. If you were quitting a successful rock ‘n’ roll band, what would it be to do?
4. What one spiteful comeback would you direct at press/fans/band mates (careful!)?
5. Which band would you most like to storm off from in a massive flounce?
Broken Records – Lies (Early Demo)
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Broken Records – And They All Fell Into the Sea (Toad Session)
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Broken Records – All So Tired (From Out On the Water acoustic EP)
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Broken Records – Nearly Home (From debut When the Earth Begins to Part)
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Broken Records – Aleko (Live at the Toad New Year’s House Gig)
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1. I think either one that got lots of babes, or a band like Florence and the fucking Machine, so I could crash the tour bus into a fucking ravine.
2. Sophie Honeytrap. That guitar, man, that guitar!
3. Be anti-rock, so probably spending more time at the allotment or something like that.
4. “Yeah? Yeah? Well maybe if I’d been allowed to sing we wouldn’t have been so shit in the first place.”
Although actually that’s not true at all, because my singing is woeful. This question is actually really hard, isn’t it. I think Bart will win this one.
5. Probably someone who thinks they’re really cool, just so I could tell them how fuckinnnnnng booorinnnnnng they really were. Razorlight at the peak of their fame could have done with this – not sure who deserves it the most now.
First!
Not entirely surprisingly.
1. Múm always look like being on stage is the most fun ever. So them please!
2. Annie from Elastica
3. Take over the world with my array of devilishly small spoons
4. If you ever thought I possessed any tiny smidgeon of musical talent, you really are far more stupid than I deserved.
5. Eagleowl. Because I can’t imagine any of them getting angry, and I would love to try.
Second! Yey for being back in the UK!
Or maybe My Latest Novel for number 5, then I could tell them it might be easier for people to get on their side if they cheered the f**k up.
1. right now today, it would be one of the following, The National, Pavement or Broken Biscuits
2. Pete Way
3. To tend to sheep
4. You only like us cos you’re thick ITV watching scum
5. U2 at Glasto, oh they have already done that!
the owl do get angry…….the niceness is all a front……they are a bunch of see you next tuesdays!
This is something I had to see. I mean, I can imagine Bart getting eloquently angry, but in a kind of ineffective way.
1. Gorillaz. The cartoon one, not the meat one.
2. Alex James. Favourite bass player/only bass player I can name, it’s the same thing really.
3. Buy a tropical island and turn it into a Bond villain fortress, with uniformed goons and cowering local populace.
4. “Thanks for the tropical island you tasteless bunch of fuckwitted fashion victims.”
5. Oasis. What a bunch of cocks.
Actually, Vampire Weekend for number 5. Smug fuckers the lot of them.
I could have named the bassists of most of my favourite bands when I was 15/17 ish, but now I only ever know who plays what in the bands I see regularly. It’s interesting how an obsession with music progresses with time. Or maybe bands like Blur and Elastica were simply more image conscious than the stuff I tend to listen to now.
Whilst sorting out my stuff for moving, i gave one of my basses away to an up and coming bassist, from an up and coming Edinburgh band. Maybe i should have kept it and applied for the BR vacancy and showed them a thing or two about rock n roll debauchery.
1. Which band would you most like to join?
I would like to be one of Mr Caves Bad seeds please
2. Favourite bass player of all time.
Paul Slack of the UK Subs is a very long standing hero of mine
3. If you were quitting a successful rock ‘n’ roll band, what would it be to do?
make Cheese (oh hang on thats already been done). Be a good looking corpse after living very fast f course
4. What one spiteful comeback would you direct at press/fans/band mates (careful!)?
I’m far to polite and crap at comebacks (until long after the event) for this question
5. Which band would you most like to storm off from in a massive flounce? Motorhead, now that would be funny
1. Which band would you most like to join? Kings of Leon, so I could bang their heads together every morning, and say “knock it off you knuckleheads” a la Moe from the Three Stooges.
2. Favourite bass player of all time. John Stirrat from Wilco
3. If you were quitting a successful rock ‘n’ roll band, what would it be to do? Age gracefully….
4. What one spiteful comeback would you direct at press/fans/band mates (careful!)?
Whatever, I wasn’t even plugged in half the time. Suckers.
5. Which band would you most like to storm off from in a massive flounce?
One who takes themselves too seriously…U2? Nine Inch Nails?
Welcome back Becky
1. Any that needs a triangle / tambourine player / Bez-style dancing figure, as that’s about the limits of my musical ability
2. Kim Deal
3. Breed alpacas. Actually, it’s what I’d quit my real job to do.
4. I said you’d need more triangle / tambourine / dancing
5. Like Toad, some successful-but-shit band like Coldplay or Razorlight at the peak of their popularity. However, with my woeful lack of judgement it’s more likely to be someone like Arcade Fire before they were famous with a “you’ll never get anywhere”
I reckon an angry Bart would be a Very Scary thing indeed.
“Arcade Fire before they were famous with a “you’ll never get anywhere””
Hahaha! So many people must have done this to so many bands over time. The classic, all-time musical D’oh!
There must be some correlation between science ability and woeful musical ability I think Scientist. Are you going to be labwards on Tuesday afternoon?
Hi Wilf!
Is there anything fun happening on Tuesday or Wednesday night next week? I am music starved!
1. Presently Efterklang, if only for the moustaches.
2. Hooky!
3. To sell Joy Division oven gloves.
4. You lot can go and suck a plum. I’m off to sell oven gloves instead.
5. Not a band as such, but I’d join the touring group for Roger Waters’ forthcoming rehash of The Wall. Then during the first performance, I’d ensure said wall was built around him, strongly, with roof. My work would then be done and I could leave.
Hurrah for having a Friday off work so I can join in.
Wilf, The Bad Seeds. Yes! To be one of them would be fun, especially with Nick Cave on a rampage up front.
Hi Becks,
Unfortunately, I’m at a conference next week, but it’s at Pollock Halls (oh the glamour!), so if the celebrations go on into the evening text me and I’ll meet you..
And if I don’t sign the card it’s not because I don’t care, it’s gone awol as per the usual (oops! – just act surprised…)
can i change/add a band to my first answer, i would love to play bass for Guided by Voices……..
awesome……
Yes I wouldn’t mind being a lady Bad Seed, but I think I’d be a bit scared of Nick cave on a rampage, but even more scared of Warren Ellis..
I’d also like to be in Devo, so I could wear a red pot on my head. (Too obvious?)
Warren’s great! Love his song introductions. eg. “This is a song about getting up in the morning…and you can’t find your slippers…and you’re out of cornflakes… It’s called “Everything Is Fucked.”
1. Anyone lucky enough to be able to indulge their artistic freedom, have time to explore sonic possibilites and have limitless access to cool vintage and cutting-edge equipment. Or Girls Aloud.
2. Got a lot of time for Peter Hook for rebooting the genre, but almost for opposite reasons I’m going to go for Mike Mills.
3. Dick about in a low-lit room with all that cool vintage and cutting-edge equipment. Or Girls Aloud.
4. Three stars?!! THREE FUCKING STARS?!!
5. Eagleowl.
Or Girls Aloud.
1. Which band would you most like to join?
Parliament.
2. Favourite bass player of all time.
Tina Weymouth.
3. If you were quitting a successful rock ‘n’ roll band, what would it be to do?
To be in a more successful rock n’ roll band.
4. What one spiteful comeback would you direct at press/fans/band mates (careful!)?
I always enjoy: “Hey, I’ve got a question… fuck you.”
5. Which band would you most like to storm off from in a massive flounce?
Mercury Rev. Not because of how they’d react, just because I don’t think they’re very good.
Following Bart’s number one I might change my number two to Bootsy Collins.
my number two is always shite
1 – Margot & The Nuclear So & So’s – I always wanted to be a so and so!
2 – Martin Hewes – Redskins bassist
3 – Professional Competitive Food Eater
4 – I hate you all………………………..please come see my comeback tour when the money runs out………….
5 – Muse – except they’d probably turn it into to some shitty never-ending soul-destroying rock opera………
Oh and Bart, we’ve discussed the Mercury Rev issue before, and – if you recall – we found that you were wrong.
I don’t remember that particular discussion.
Certainly not that outcome, anyway.
see Bart can be wrong as well as an arse!
1. AC/DC. All those years of air guitar on my bed in my pants. Plus, my school uniform still fits.
2. Who needs a bass player.
3. chemotherapy.
4. I’d rather be doing jazz funk bass tuition DVDs with flea than be in this band anymore.
5. Coldplay while Chris Martin is doing that stupid thing with the lamp on a rope… But it wouldn’t be a strop off, it would be a quiet slink off. Then I would actually come back on while he is still doing the spinny lamp on a rope thing, you know what i mean, every one has seen it…what is that even for??? and proceed to batter him stupid with a lamp on a stick.
We were walking down Lauriston Place from the Wee Red towards Brauhaus one evening, and you mentioned that you thought you didn’t like Mercury Rev. I explained that you must have been mistaken, we agreed and went into the bar for a drink.
All those years of air guitar on my bed in my pants.
Is that actually Little Bear or has somebody Fraped his Song By Toad profile now?..
i think it must be, cos it’s funny but only ish so
Fraped? Is that like Fraggle Rape or something?
sorry Dylan. With no pants on. Better?
Fraped is something all the cool kids are saying. I’m really not sure what it means. I was hoping it would just slip by without being picked up on.
“Muse – except they’d probably turn it into to some shitty never-ending soul-destroying rock opera………”
This has not done their career a fragment of harm thus far.
Sounds like Facebook rape to me.
That is much more feasible.
Although less amusing a mental picture.
I once saw nick cave give some unofficial t-shirt seller outside Bradford Uni a right impression of Mr very angry indeed fuck off before i stick those t-shirts somewhere dark and uncomfortable Cave. That was before the gig which I have to say was fucking ace. One very scary man when he’s not happy,
Ps if my spelling’s crap today its cos i,ve been to the hospital and had an inection IN MY EYE!!!. It wasn’t nice- All sympathy accepted
At least I got the day off work and can half watch Logans Run on telly
Erm, in your eye?
I assume it didn’t burst, but how no?
Logans Run is awesome.
1. Which band would you most like to join?
Gogol Bordello – just for the mental-ness of it all.
2. Favourite bass player of all time.
I love Alex James, he’s not even anywhere near the most proficient bass player of all time, but I admire his style. And he’s sexy.
3. If you were quitting a successful rock ‘n’ roll band, what would it be to do?
Scott and I are planning to open a 2000′s themed pub called ‘The Nathan Barley’ in our old age. Aged hipster indie kids can come and watch Bloc Party videos and we’ll have ironic bingo. So probably that.
4. What one spiteful comeback would you direct at press/fans/band mates (careful!)?
“What do you mean you didn’t like our experimental album of layered washing machine noises??!? You obviously have no ears.”
5. Which band would you most like to storm off from in a massive flounce?
Queen. Just to see if I could out-camp Freddie Mercury.
The Nathan Barley. Nice. Very nice.
I doubt it would be tricky to out-camp Freddy Mercury just now. Seeing how he’s dead and all.
Yes my EYE. An I haven”t a clue why it didn’t just pop but i’m bloody glad it didn’t. Un fortunatlly i’ve got two more injections to get through !! Not something i’m looking (ha ha see what I did there ?) forward too
1. The blockheads, just for the fun factor
2. I’m with Bart – Tina Weymouth, quite sexy in a weird way too.
3. To be successful publican of a them pub with the missus.
4. ” I made this album for myself, if the fans don’t like it they can go fuck themselves.”
5. Joy Division just as Ian Curtis is wobbling about in a frenzy, I would yawn on my way off.
3. *theme
Fraggle rape! Hilarious*.
*Not if you’re a fraggle, obviously.
Down in fraggle rock
grab a fraggle by the cock
swing him round your head
now the fraggles dead.
all makes sense now
If I am ever in court for anything this thread will clinch my conviction, no doubt about it.
1. Which band would you most like to join?
- The Doobie Brothers.
2. Favourite bass player of all time.
- I always rated Mani, but to be honest/sacrilegious, I can’t hear the bass playing most of the time.
3. If you were quitting a successful rock ‘n’ roll band, what would it be to do?
- to do some freelance selling, work in a haberdasher, or maybe a chapeau shop. Depends on the hours.
4. What one spiteful comeback would you direct at press/fans/band mates (careful!)?
- Turn left at Greenland.
5. Which band would you most like to storm off from in a massive flounce?
- The Bee Gees. Les Tossers.
Best bass player in the world? The one we named our cat after, because of the similarity of whiskers:
Although that picture is very awesome, I’m having trouble looking at it. I had a bit of a traumatic incident with ‘The Muppets Take Manhattan’. The fact that it was when I was 18 is just plain tragic.
Good ‘tache though.
1) Tom Waits.
2) Er, God no one cares about bass players.
3) Hmm. My own dating show? No that doesn’t seem to work. Drinking myself to death seems a decent plan.
4) Paul McCartneys last six world tours would be hard to beat as a massive ‘fuck you’ to band mates. Basically just rape their back catalogue and have at it…
5) U2. When will they finally finally just go away!
Hurrah for the internet! That’s the “how was it darling” conversation taken care of..
“I had a bit of a traumatic incident with ‘The Muppets Take Manhattan’.”
Frape?
friday is so fucking hot
ha ha… Frape indeed. no no, I got a bit over-emotional when Miss Piggy and Kermit got married at the end (was going through a bad break up) and my little sister who was 10 at the time came in and laughed at me.
Still can’t quite look at Muppets for the shame.
Friday is fucking roasting. Can’t wait to get home and spark up the barbie.
i think i’m going for a pint somewhere in london
Not many places to pick from down there. Hardly any pubs in London.
i know…..bit of a problem, it’s either the pub or get lost somewhere
1. Deerhoof
2. James Jamerson
3.Die
4. Umm…bye. (said in a spiteful tone)
5. The National (because they’re boring)
Can I change my number one to the Electric Mayhem?
“Umm…bye. (said in a spiteful tone)”
Yeeeahhh that’ll teach ‘em!
1. The Cure. Or failing that, to be in Bowie’s backing band for the seventies.
2. Peter Hook. Closely followed by Simon Gallup (The Cure). And Kim Deal, obviously.
3. A Philosophy PhD.
4. I’ve come to regard you as people I once met (I do wish I hadn’t said this to one of my teachers when I was 16, though!)
5. The Scissor Sisters, though I reckon it might well take some doing…
Down in fraggle rock
grab a fraggle by the cock
swing him round your head
now the fraggles dead.
all makes sense now
I’ve just spent quarter of an hour trying to fit the phrase “all makes sense now” into the Fraggle Rock theme.
2. Favourite bass player of all time.
Paz Lenchantin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJMdNNSE0KE
“I’ve come to regard you as people i’ve once met.”. Classic Rimmer from Red Dwarf quote there. Nice.
1. The Verlaines
2. Bruce Thomas from the Attractions
3. Open a used bookstore, complete with cats
4. “There’s nothing you’ll ever come up with that the Lovin’ Spoonful didn’t throw away as a crap idea 40 years ago”
5. Does Bright Eyes count as a band?
i’m with peej….paz!