Friday is a Pencil-Pusher Extraordinaire
You know those coppers in police programmes who stop worrying about catching criminals and worry more about box-ticking, stats and generally keeping within the process and staying out of trouble? For the last couple of weeks I have been the record label equivalent of exactly that.
For the last couple of weeks I have been going through two years of paperwork, trying to add up costings for releases, getting the overall accounts in order for my tax return, and even sorting out our domestic filing. We are so shit with post that I found Christmas cards from 2008 unopened at the bottom of one pile – we just don’t open stuff, ever. I’m not sure what we’re thinking; maybe that if it’s urgent someone will phone us eventually.
Anyhow, the label’s sums have been condensed down to one gigantic spreadsheet with a page for each release and a summary page of each year’s overall accounts. I’ve got every receipt for everything I’ve ever spent neatly ordered into folders and filed away in a big old ring binder. Even the stationery and boxes of stock in the office are stacked away neatly and clearly labelled.
Anyhow, as desperately banal as that little story sounds, believe it or not I feel brilliant. I feel organised. I feel ready. A little like that copper I alluded to in the first paragraph, irrespective of the actual music we’re releasing, just being this ship shape and Bristol fashion makes me feel like a proper record label. Yes, I know. Sad, sad stuff. I am off to iron my underpants just to feel better about myself.
So now that I have confessed to my dirty secrets there can surely be no reason to be shy about this week’s Friday Five, so please de-lurk and say hello. As ever, once you’ve added your five feel free to talk as much bollocks as you please for the rest of the day. Sorry to anyone running a company, but that’s just what Friday is.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
2. And which one can you still not stand?
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
The Detroit Cobras – He Did It
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The Von Bondies – Shallow Grave
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Ian Dury & the Blockheads – The Ballad of the Sulphate Strangler
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1. Currently, getting the finances into a nice, neat spreadsheet. And ignoring the amount of red in the balance columns.
2. Going through the Hype Machine blog list to find blogs who *might* like the music we release. One blog after another after another after another.
3. Now there is none. Last week the oldest was probably about three years old, which I think it impressive.
4. Typing of any sort. Or ‘this is not a circular’, which means it’s serious, which means I don’t want to read it.
5. Mrs. Toad still gets the job of changing the bed which for some inexplicable reason I just cannot stand.
1. Killing moths. Is anyone else infested with them at the moment? I just can’t work out where they’re coming from, and Wilf’s away, so it’s not like he’s been secretly opening his wallet or anything.
2. Removing hairs / other unmentionable detritus from the bath plug-hole. I’m gagging just thinking about it.
3. Something from the Institute of Antiqaries which arrived on Tuesday for Himself.
4. The word “guaranteed”
5. Going to the supermarket.
I’m actually feeling quite smug now about getting my five in before midday. It’s like a signal for the weekend to begin or something.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Hoovering. I fucking love hoovering.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Ironing. I fucking hate ironing. It really is genuinely pointless.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
A year old letter from my bank, with my address stated as “Leiph Walk, Leiph, Edinburgh”. If they’re not spelling my address correctly, they can fuck right off if they think I will open it.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
“Leiph Walk.”
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Colleagues? Manning the merch desk. HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT.
But Phil, you’re the only one I would fucking trust to man the merch desk.
I Are – we have a major moth problem in our house, and it drives me nuts. Fortunately, my wife is psychotic, so they are probably doomed in the long run.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Tagging ripped video for iTunes. Meticulously adding actor/director/writer credits to Mad Men season 3 episodes is my secret shame.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Cleaning the bathroom. Horrible, horrible job.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
I shredded a ton of stuff the other week, so there’s not much lying around. That I know of.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
The council consistently mis-spells my name, no matter how many times they’ve been asked to correct it. I bet they’d get it right if there was a parking fine involved.
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Anything I can get away with. Especially if it involves checking work I’ve already spent more of my life than I’d care to on.
1. Hanging out the washing. I know.
2. Doing the dishes. I fucking hate it.
3. Umm probably three or four years – most of my official looking mail, like bank statements and stuff, gets shoved onto the top shelf in my laundry cupboard.
4. Bills, all bills.
5. Topping up the paper in the photocopier.
I Are Scientist:
2. Removing hairs / other unmentionable detritus from the bath plug-hole. I’m gagging just thinking about it.
These hairs are invariably long girly hairs, but they invariably fall to the short-haired male partner to remove from the plug hole.
Gary, how can the council possibly get Gary wrong? I am with you on the hairs though.
1. Dishes.
2. Shaving. It hardly seems worth it, but if I don’t I look about 17.
3 & 4. What’s this post thing you’re going on about?
5. Recently managed to unload summarising a provincial departmental budget speech on the new guy. Was quite pleased with that.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Got to be last.fm scrobbles, anything unscrobbleable like car cd listening gets added to a spotify playlist to play in to nothingness.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Dishes, I try fool myself I find it therapeutic, it never works.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
Amnesty international, Wateraid, Oxfam magazines. Please someone tell me how to stop them wasting paper sending this stuff to me, I promise to read emails or something.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
Thick letters from the bank, it means it’s a boring sales booklet of some sort, or that they want me to vote for their board members.
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Formal CAD drawings, off to the apprentice they go.
Ooh, I am pretty bad with my mp3 tags. Not LastFM scrobbles though. I don’t get much satisfaction from sorting the mp3 tags though, I just can’t have it not done.
1. Re-organising cupboards so as to fit all the same rubbish into 3/4 of the space as before, in order to squeeze a bunch more rubbish in as well. I am also noted for taking more than average pleasure in a finely-honed excel spreadsheet.
2. This much is probably obvious to anyone who’s met me in real life, but I just am not down with the ironing thing. About once every couple of years I have a job interview, and only then will I even consider doing any.
3. Shamefully, we have a load of stuff addressed to previous occupants that we never got around to return-to-sender-ing. And they moved out at least three years ago. It’s *mostly* just spam, I think.
4. Someone else’s name on the front?
5. I am actually quite a responsible chap, I guess. Or at least, I spread my laziness over a number of bases, as nothing in particular springs to mind.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Chopping vegetables
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Ironing.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
Superannuation statements, I have at least 10 years worth. They go straight to the back of my one-day-I’ll-find-an-accountant-to-explain-this-shit cupboard.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
The words “Congratulations!! You have won $370,000.”
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Cleaning the fish tank.
In general, Matthew must be my hero this week. I am looking forward to that ‘I am organised’ feeling in the not-too-distant, as I am moving house, and the new place has a small boxroom that is going to make a fine office. I can finally buy that filing cabinet I have been threatening to buy for ages.
FILING CABINETS
1. Carefully folding my clothes after they’ve been washed, knowing that I’m getting steadily later for an appointment.
2. Checking emails after several weeks away on fieldwork.
3. What sort of person knows how old the oldest piece of unopened post in their flat is, but can’t bear to throw it away? It’s a short step (well, several hundred short steps) from that to compulsive hoarding:
http://www.criticalcarebiorecovery.com/grossfilth.html
4. Erm, anyone with else’s name on it (especially if it’s to someone called “The Occupier”
5. Washing the team’s football strip. Cycling to and from matches is my weapon of choice.
Filing cabinets are cool. There’s something about that *rumble-rumble-rumble-THUNK* sound they make as they open that is really quite satisfying.
I’m shit at actually filing things though.
It’s a tough one, but Edinburgh’s wonderfully efficient council have me down as a Cary. Like Cary Grant, I hope, not Cary Fisher.
I have all sorts of problems in the USA where, on account of rolling my Rs, I am ‘Gotty’. Like John Gotti, maybe.
Who knew that Gary was such a troubling name? Wolfram Alpha tells me that its usage peaked in the States in 1950, so that might explain a few things.
http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=gary&a=*C.gary-_*GivenName-
Muptup, yes, thick letters from the bank! Do they seriously think anyone reads that crap?
I’d rather star blankly at a wall than iron.
Hahaha, that’s hilarious Gotti. I mean Gary!
I marvel at how wrong people can get the simplest of names. I work with a John who’s been called Roy, Joe, Ron, and my favourite was an email that began: “Hi Geoff…”
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
I love a good hoover. Also, cleaning out drawers full of random items and going “ooh” when I find yet another kinder egg toy/badge/arty postcard/bit of blu tack/old photo.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Washing up and changing the sheets on our bed. I swear to god, if there was some way I would never have to do these things again…
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
Stuff for the landlord who lives in Dubai. Quite frankly, if he’s chosen to live over there he can stuff his fucking mail.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
‘This Is Not A Circular’ does it every time. Anything official looking from the council.
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Emptying the nappy bin in Oskar’s room. It’s super super stinky and I always get Scott to do it. Eww.
1. alphabetising my CD collection, honestly I get hours of enjoyment from it
2. irnoning, it bores the living hell out of me
3. I have a letter sitting next to me from October last year//
4. When it’s a bill
5. Changing the sheets, I just can’t do it. I always end up inside the sheets making a mess of the duvet
Princess Diana, eh. Glad we’re all over that one at long last. Well except for certain publications of course. Her death interrupted me watching the fucking Muppet Show one fine morning in Holland and I have never forgiven her.
Matthew- i felt exactly the same except it was V festival I was supposed to be watching and she made me miss Placebo…. in hindsight, maybe not such a bad thing.
But the Muppets though!!!
1. Spreading. I’m not like a master-spreader or anything, I often just get it wrong and make a mess of it. But it feels great when you get it just so.
2. Cleaning / tidying
3. I don’t tend to open mail.
4. My name and address on it.
5. Anything grotty. Things like emptying the hoover. “There’a bag in there?!”
Well-spread Marmite is one of life’s great satisfactions. Partly because the density of coverage is so instrumental to one’s enjoyment.
Indeed.
Philadelphia cheese on a Digestive biscuit is another one that can be used to achieve an almost zen-like state of contentment.
Or in my case butter and a chunk of cheddar on a digestive. The amount of butter and consistent coverage are both crucial.
Sorry, carry on everyone, I’ll get me coat.
i always think the ratio of cheese to biscuit is important… 3:1 for example
1. Blogging. ;p Or balancing my check book.
2. Dishes.
3. There is none, I either open it or throw it away.
4. Anything addressed to my maiden name.
5. Taking out the trash.
Cant be bothered with the 5′s as I cant think of anything funny or, indeed, interesting. However – I would like to canvass all you lot to see what you thought of Inception. I have only seen it once but I am aching to see it again. Personally I can’t get enough of Nolan and I think this is his best yet. Mmmm Hmmm.
I have admin rights, Madcow.
I can log in, edit your last post, and make it look like you submitted a five, and then you can carry on and talk about Inception.
Alternatively you can do your own five…
1. Generally just Sorting Things Out. I’m get all warm and fuzzy when all the CDs are back in the right boxes, books are on the shelf instead of the floor, and the legion of DVDRs have a wee note written telling me what is on them.
2. Going through all the terminally dull emails in the hope that there might be a good one.
3. A 13 year old letter welcoming me to the Institute of Electronic and Electrical Engineers. I have one from two years later cancelling my membership cause I dropped out of my degree too.
4. Pretty much anything addressed to James instead of Jim is going to be crap, or wanting money off me in some way, so those get ignored, unless it feels like there’s a CD or something in there. If my middle name is involved it goes straight in the bin, no one good uses my middle name.
5. Eh, not much. My Mum hates ironing, so we both leave it for my Dad.
1. Love to tidy up my desktop on my computer and put everything into nice, labeled folders and align them. And the dishes.
2. Hate, Hate, Hate to do the laundry. Just thinking about it makes me angry. The entire process is stupid.
3. I tend to not open anything if I possibly can. It is all neatly arranged though, do like to do that.
4. Anything from anyone claiming to be Important.
5. Anything I can get away with really. But, it is usually trash or recycling collection.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Filing/sorting cd’s/books/dvd’s etc… In fact, just general organising. If it involves a spreadsheet then I’m happy as Larry. I fucking love spreadsheets.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Ironing. Self explanatory.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
Open everything as soon as it comes in. I panic too much that there’s something in there chasing me for money or something.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
The words ‘Alliance & Leicester’, however, now it’s just ‘Santander’.
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Changing the bed. I get needlessly stressed out about it. Always ends in an argument!
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Drumming.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Drumming.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
There is none. I am always prompt and efficient. Like all good time keepers. Ive got rhythm and Ive got punctuality. The spam goes straight in the bin. Ok – sometimes it stays at the front door getting stood on.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
Sun drenched morons on the front and a giant £50,000 header.
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Washing, washing up, tidying, driving, cooking – I dont know why she still loves me.
Lets talk about Inception nowz.
Better.
Haven’t seen it.
Bumface. See it.
1. Every morning before leaving the house I tidy the kitchen. It gives me a great feeling leaving the house.
2. Checking voicemail. It fills me with dread before I dial.
3. I don’t open paper mail.
4. Being printed on paper. Grow up world!
5. Planning everything.
True actually, actual post is a waste of time. Utilities companies are such liars though, I’m not sure I’d trust them to keep my records honestly.
Think of the cost to the environment of driving all that paper around. It’s totally fucking arcane. And it’s not as it it’s harder for them to screw you if the data is sent on paper as opposed to digitally.
Apart from when they only half-arsedly commit to electronic systems, with no failsafe procedures in place.
Last month I wanted to pay my mobile phone bill to O2 in cash after a glitch in my bank account meant I didn’t have any means of electronic payment for a few days, and I didn’t want O2 to cut me off or restrict my service.
They no longer issue paper bills, so I didn’t have a giro slip. If you phone them up and ask for a giro slip, they don’t issue them anymore. If you go into an O2 shop on the street and try to pay they can’t help. If you phone up O2 customer services from the O2 shop on the street and try to explain that you’re standing in premises that their organisation owns, in front of a bunch of shop assistants manning tills, with a handful of legal tender you would like to give to the organisation, there’s nothing they can do.
Although the shops can accept Visa to pay your bill.
WELL IF I HAD A WORKING FUCKING VISA CARD I WOULDN’T BE IN YOUR FUCKING SHOP TRYING TO PAY IN FUCKING CASH WOULD I, RETARDS?
1. Wiping down the counter tops and putting the salt and pepper back in its proper place. So simple and yet it makes everything look better. Also, doing the dishes.
2. Remembering to mail back the Netflix DVDs and putting whatever book I’m finished reading or have brought home to read away.
3. Um… some junk mail back from April, probably from Oxfam or else a reminder that I need to renew a magazine subscription.
4. My internet company has started sending promotional ‘if you sign up for a phone and television service you’ll only pay X amount of dollars per month’ letters in courier style envelopes.
5. Dishes, if my roommate hasn’t done here’s in a few days and I’m feeling put upon. Taking out the trash for much the same reason.
Oh my Lord! Have I picked a boring fucking Friday to come back to the bosom of the Toady or what???
you’ve quit your job and gone all domestic now, dearie?!
fine…
Yes, it’s a hairy house of sin here.
1. I quite agree with you on this bill sorting/organizing thing. And I’ve got a stack of mail a month and a half old to get to over there in my desk. LOVE the end result!
2. Hoovering, I hate it. It’s big and clunky and there’s way too much furniture in this apartment with teensy victorian spindly legs that shouldn’t be damaged and there’s soooo much dog hair everywhere that when lovers come over we just scoop up their clothes before they hit the floor and hang them on the coat rack outside the bedroom. They’re grateful, believe you me.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
4. I don’t know what a giveaway sign is…. do you mean the advertising on the outside of the envelope? oh well then it’s the “You’re already a winner!!” crap… ugh.
5. definitely emptying the garbage cans – especially the downstairs bathroom where “guests” stay. ewww!
Anywho, it’s good to pop back over and see how you’re doing. I *just* heard from Geert at Black Atlantic about the Pitchfork review of ACWBM and that he’s booked Meursault for the Netherlands, yay!!!
kissesssssss!
ooops for got #3
ha, we’ve got a package from her mom on the hall table from two years ago… a birthday present to me, a book which I should read for my dissertation which I’ve not mustered the courage to even unwrap yet! eeek!
Hi Tart!
I remember you from the old days!
5. definitely emptying the garbage cans – especially the downstairs bathroom where “guests” stay.
Who do you have staying at your house if you have to refer to them as “guests” in quotation marks?
Are these “guests” there under their own consent?
Oh and “hoovering”.
That’s our word.
You colonials probably have some other term for vacuum cleaners like whiz-o-suck or rug-wagon.
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
I love everything to do with cleaning; sweeping, hoovering dusting- the lot! I have a little magic dust cloth thing which makes everything dead shiny! Especially the mirrors and taps in the loo. I love knowing that everything is super clean. Ooh and I love doing the recycling as well, especially when you get to smash the bottles! Terribly sad I know.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
Have to agree on the plug hole one, and I did have to call my ex flatmate to ask where the iron lives… I don’t believe in ironing.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
Nothing, I love getting mail! Plus I love filing it. I have special filing drawers.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
The peoples postcode lottery, leave me alone!
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Sweeping the floor at work! I hate it, its not my mess, when should I have to sort it out!
Hi Dylan! xo
well, “guests” in that they don’t stay very long
and who wants to type vacuuming? what an ugly word.
oh and I did that “who do you write like” from last friday, hahahah I got Cory Doctorow. How do they know??!!!!
I posted in my post from here: http://www.loveshackbaby.net/2010/07/come-to-the-chopin-theater-tonight-for-black-atlantic-and-pitchfork-festival-day-one-recap/
weird. and wonderful.
Ooh just back from Asda, recycling is done! I smashed up those bottles good!
I know how to rock out on a Friday night….
Heh, I do get great satisfaction from doing dishes, that is putting them in the dishwasher and pushing the “play” button. You know how in movies they show new parents peeking into the rooms of their sleeping children? I get that same feeling just peeking in the dishwasher of clean dishes. Sigh… so peaceful and cleannnnnnn!
Driving or even being stationary in Traffic Jams as long as I’m in the car by myself, I like smiling at grumpy people to see if it freaks them.
Anything to do with garden maintenance. except maybe a one off tarmacadam treatment
We have unopened Avril Lavigne tickets which are still used to taunt my younger child with….a bit like baby photos.
Any crest or stamp on it. These either mean official and therefore pain or unofficial pretending to be official and therefore shite.
Peeling stuff (with the exception of mushrooms as that’s fun)
Back to Rock n Roll rather than domestics next week Matthew?…eg what’s the biggest vomit you ever did? would be a top start
1. What is the most ridiculously lame task from which you derive the most satisfaction?
Has to be tidying the flat and putting all our records in a neat and tidy order. It looks nice for about half an hour then Oskar throws his food and anything else he can get his hands on all over the place.
2. And which one can you still not stand?
I hate hate fucking hate hanging up washing to dry. I’d rather go out in wet clothes and let them dry naturally.
3. What is the oldest piece of unopened post in your house?
Has to be the Virgin media tv box and broadband package that I signed for about 6 months ago that looks quite expensive. We didn’t order it and the name on it ain’t anyone who’s lived in our flat before. The temptation to take it down cash convertor’s has been strong for a while.
4. What giveaway sign makes you ignore a letter?
Scottish Power. We owe them a good chunk of money. May sell that Virgin Media Box now that i think about it…..
5. Which boring job do you guiltily always allow your partner/mum/colleagues to do, despite knowing that they hate it too?
Picking up my smelly pants after me. (Sorry Ella)
Cogstar please teach me! Teach me how to hold my temper in traffic. I tend to spend a lot of time smacking steering wheel and shouting things that rhyme is duck, bunt and bourse flock!
You have loads of great music with you (podcasts for the M6 jams), essential foods – grapes, apples, minstrels and american hard gums. Water , pop and no-one to disturb you….phone off.
it’s free time….. which is pretty rare these days.
oh and smile at the grumpies. enjoy and sorry if you get thumped
Saw Inception yesterday, loved it. Will probably see it again before the week is out. Very cool.
Yay, Tart! Hellllloooooooo!
Brutalgoose and his/her scarily organised house make me a little bit nervous. There are probably guests from last Christmas still locked in the basement because they were making the place look untidy.
I am with Ducky on quick-win cleaning. Mrs. Toad is horrified at how little time it takes me to clean anything. She prefers a Shock and Awe approach.
1. whacking off.
2. unpacking.
3. i open all the mail, whether i take action on it is a different matter.
4. it has Hackney written on the front.
5. i never make a round of coffee/tea at work, but the dumbfucks keep asking me if i’d like a cuppa, and of course i always say yes.
I love my tidy flat!
I think it stems back to my childhood, 10 people living in a 3 bedroomed house makes for a lot of mess…
So now I’m super tidy, as are most of my brothers & sisters!
And no Matthew they are not in the basement, they are in the loft!