Just Fuck Off
Sometimes I really wish we had more poofs and asylum seekers and darkies and bankers and… well okay, maybe not bankers, but benefit cheats and single mums and immigrants in this country. Because I’d rather a country filled with all those people than one filled with Daily Express readers.
In fact, I think the best way to solve the pressure on the country’s infrastructure which all these gay immigrants seem set to exert would be to organise a swap system. For every asylum seeker we take in we should be able to ship a Daily Mail or a Daily Express reader off to somewhere like Kabul or Darfur or pretty much anywhere the fuck else but here.
Because the one thing we all know is that the primary reason for abandoning your family and the country of your birth only to wash up somewhere like this with absolutely nothing to your name but the clothes you are wearing is so that you can go to Kylie concerts and drink fucking cocktails.
In some senses you almost have to applaud the Daily Express for this headline. You really couldn’t make this shit up. But how the hell can you possibly satirise something so brilliantly insane? Then again, why waste your time satirising the cunts – why not just tell them to fuck off.
I died a little inside when I saw this today.
What was the actual news story that they’ve – ahem – reinterpreted here?
I think the problem is that the readers of these ‘newspapers’ simply cannot comprehend hardship out width this country. I don’t know about other folk but I often freak out at how lucky I am to have been born in Britain rather than, say, Kabul, Darfur, Zimbabwe or a multitude of place where horrible things are the norm. This will never cross their minds because it is all about self interest. The world is becoming an idiocracy and it sickens me. Only now when Cheryl fucking Cole (a glorified racist chav) gets malaria do people take notice of how fucking easy it is to get and how fucking dangerous it is?! The thing that makes me most sad is that hardly anyone of my age gives two shits about anything. I went away to Madagascar to teach kids and my mates berated me for not being able to afford to go to Zante because of that. I mean, WHAT?!
Fuck off.
Well that was an incoherent mess. I could edit the Daily Mail/Express!
Paedo terrorist homosexual Muslim illegal imigrants in Diana Murder Scandal
bunch of cunts
Shocking. I sometimes adjudicate asylum claims in my job here in the States, and a claim by an openly-gay Iranian man is not particularly hard from a legal perspective. I’m actually surprised it took the UK this long. You’re usually ahead of the game on these things. People have been getting asylum in the States based on LGBT identity since the 1990s.
http://journalism.nyu.edu/pubzone/livewire/politics_society/gay_asylum/
The Daily Express also happens to be owned by a man who owns several “adult” publications and channels. Many of these are aimed at a gay audience and host gay advertising.
Clearly, men fucking men is okay aa long as they aren’t a bit foreign looking and he is making money off it.
I can’t mention his name as he is a fan of the UKs most arcane libel laws but he is a regular delight to the pages of Private Eye Which I heartily recommend to anyone who wants to understand the plutocratic and incestuous nature of UK media.
As to this, well it’s right up there with supporting the black shirts which the Express also did enthusiatically.
A few years ago, the wonderful Charlie Brooker produced a series of fake TV listing guides called TV Go Home. In this, there was a show called Daily Mail Island, which was reality TV at its finest. The attached publication ran headlines such as: Black islanders ‘refuse to turn white’. Now this sort of shit, pre-empted by satire, has become the norm with these shit rags like the Express and the Mail. This is terrible for satire because, as you point out, the reality is already off the insane scale.
Anyway, for anyone who enjoys horribly offensive satire, try this:
http://stdisland.wordpress.com/2009/04/19/get-set-for-the-launch-of-celebrity-std-island-gotta-catch-em-all/
and
http://stdisland.wordpress.com/2009/10/
Had an interesting chat with Olaf & Derek of Born To Be Wide this afternoon about the press and I was telling them about some advice given to me years ago by a pro PR woman.
She said if you have success as an artist and you made a point of NEVER talking to the scum press, particularly the Sun & the NOTW then they tended to leave you alone. But, in a kind of satanic pact, if you ask and get given coverage when you’re on the way up, they will want their pound of revealing pics-as-you-get-out-of-a-car drooling drunk when you’re a star.
The point being: there’s not a lot you can do about this kind of racist crap as an individual, but as someone running a label you can make a point of not dealing with the shit rags. They might not notice if you don’t, but others will notice if you do.
The news story is that a judge has decided not to send a gay man to Iran to be strung up from an industrial crane by his government, and this act of basic mercy makes the Daily Express angry.
I am thinking very carefully about who I send promo material to actually, both in terms of where we want to be, bit also in terms of trying to reach an appropriate audience. Fewer promo copies sent to more suitable people.
FUCK OFF, the Daily Express.
[img]http://cdn.images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/comments/nocomments.gif[/img]
Quelle sur-ruddy-pris.
I don’t know why I thought that would work.
No doubt the same mentalism that made me write this, my third post in a row.
Thanks for listening.
The Express and The Mail are nothing to what will be on tap if Fox News or similar ever gets allowed on our screens. Lobby your MP now because Murdoch didn’t sink so much into the general election out of the kindness of his cold twisted heart.
The street of shame is a street of hacks
The men behind the men who do deals behind our backs
The fourth estate is a house of hate
Media pimps with scant regards for facts
Like flies in search of shit to swarm around
They nail their victims with a telephoto to the ground
Feed the people on scraps of evil
They should be grateful for small mercies
And their daily diet – a plateful of hateful
Might be almost 30 year old lyrics but still true, unfortunately
What are you, a fag lover?
All those queers need kllling!
There’s a nice Fry & Laurie sketch (A Bit Mad) in which Hugh Laurie fails to convince Stephen Fry (as the psychiatrist) that he’s mad because he puts slices of bread in his shoes, but just as he’s about to leave it transpires that he’s a regular contributor to the letters page of the Mail, whereupon Fry immediately asks him what size he is so a straitjacket can be arranged.
Sadly, we have unanimously cryto-xenophobic political parties over here in the Antipodes, both at their worst now with an election coming up.
The BBC is where it’s at…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/10556179.stm
Imagine having a wank on a trampoline.
The world has indeed gone totally bonkers………..I’m beginning to wonder if maybe the pear cider I had last night was a bit strong
and for good measure fuck off from me too
Almost makes me pine for the days when they had a government they hated and attacked on a regular basis…
A vile headline from a vile publication
Thanks for updating me on the story, Alex Higgins.
Does the paper provide any evidence to suggest whether or not the gay Iranian man in question is actually a Kylie fan?
They all are Dylan, they all are.
Sorry for the fives – mid-session at the moment with the Tapeheads.
Lack of fives more than made up for by wanking trampoline man, frankly.
Just trying to decide which of the three quotes at the bottom of the story is the best – they are all clearly touched with genius.
However, if the guy’s in his own back garden (he was wasn’t he, or did I miss something here?), isn’t it up to him what he does on his own trampoline?
The mail / express / their ilk fill me with so much depair I can’t even bring myself to tell them to fuck off. Not that I’d imagine they’d be interested in the thoughts of a vegetarian public sector worker in any case.
Lame excuse, Matthew, not buying it. We still managed to get a five out the day of the Pictish Trail session and there was only one of Johnny.
You’ve got three Tapeheads there to think up a question each.
Looks like it’s Friday can’t be arsed.
1) 22 hours
2) 3 days before the landlord arrived over 700 milk bottles
3) John Pertwee
4) Lazing on a sunny afternoon
5) Some cocky git at Cambridge who managed to slide down the punting stick in front of an audience of at least 50. He was very arsed.
time to go out
1. Never less than a week
2. By jumping off the side and furiously flapping their arms
3. Tony Blackburn maybe?
4. Haha! No.
5. No more strange than having cheese for dessert when you think about it, is it?