Friday is Sulking
I’ve been in an awful mood this week, for some reason. Things have been fun, and stuff has been motoring along happily enough, United trounced Schalke and the sun has been shining… and still I’ve been grumbling away without ever really knowing what’s been annoying me.
Anyhow, the centre of Edinburgh is deserted today, which made the trip to and from Penicuik to get the Toad Van serviced relatively painless. IKEA and Stewart’s Brewery, where we get the kegs for our house gigs, are both out there so I make the journey quite regularly, but on the way back in today I sat on the top deck of the bus, and it was kind of interesting.
With that extra bit of height you get a strangely different vantage point, particularly out in the suburbs where houses are rarely more than two floors high, meaning you can actually see quite a lot. Don’t get me wrong, there were no killer insights to be gleaned or anything, it was just kind of interesting.
And I do hope you are all planning to come and help us collect for the lifeboats tomorrow. Our house from about eleven am, for those of you intending to chip in. There will be plentiful booze and food provided.
Anyway, I have a lot of artwork to organise and email to send, so I guess I better get on with the Fives. As almost everyone else in Edinburgh is out drinking all day, though, I might indulge myself and knock off early.
1. Where on the bus do you tend to sit?
2. What is your most rage-inspiring public transport etiquette transgression?
3. Something that’s irritated you this week.
4. What do your neighbours do which winds you up the most.
5. Give us a happy thought to banish all the rage.
These five are from a collection of pre-war American gospel I found on eMusic this week, tracking down an older version of Wouldn’t Mind Dying from the Honorable Worm’s album, which I reviewed last week.
Blind Willie Davis – I Believe I’ll Go Back Home
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Blind Mamie Forehand – Honey in the Rock
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Rev. I.B. Ware with Wife and Son – You Better Quit Drinking Shine
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Rev. I.B. Ware with Wife and Son – I Wouldn’t Mind Dying (But I Gotta Go By Myself)
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William and Versey Smith – When That Great Ship Went Down
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1. Top deck at the front if at all possible. If not, then about three-quarters of the way back.
2. Sitting in the outside seat with your bag on the inside when people are standing. FUCK YOU, I am sitting next to you.
3. Booking tours. I hate booking tours with a passion and can’t stand having to do it.
4. If those dogs continue to bark I will go round there with a sack, some rope and a couple of rocks and solve the problem myself, permanently.
5. Sounds From the Other City in Salford on Sunday.
1. Near the back downstairs
2. Bus drivers in Edinburgh who park their buses in such a way as to allow the traffic to fuck off those off us in our cars.
3. The Royal Wedding. Nuff Said.
4. The students who live upstairs from us make a lot of noise at 3 in the morning when they come back from clubbing, particularly on Sunday nights. What with a six week old baby an’ all. this is annoying.
5. The new collaboration effort between Aidan Moffat and Bill Wells…just brilliant!
1. Where on the bus do you tend to sit?
Roof or rear fender, depending on the driver’s vigilance.
2. What is your most rage-inspiring public transport etiquette transgression?
When guys plant explosives on the bus that will detonate unless we stay above 45mph, resulting in a taut chase through the freeways of Southern California.
3. Something that’s irritated you this week.
The elastic waistband of my tighty-whiteys.
4. What do your neighbours do which winds you up the most.
They trim their grass to look like an Augusta Fairway while looking at my comparatively unmanicured lawn with stricken faces.
5. Give us a happy thought to banish all the rage.
I had a fantasy that zombie Dickens and zombie Darwin rose up through the floor of Westminster Abbey and ate the Queen’s brain.
“I had a fantasy that zombie Dickens and zombie Darwin rose up through the floor of Westminster Abbey and ate the Queen’s brain.”
That must have been some time ago, because the old trout’s been looking like a zombie herself for years.
P.S. Nice 2.
1. top deck, front seat if possible, so I can “drive”
2. Playing your ipod/phone/etc through THE SPEAKERS. Argh!
3. Actually a pretty irritation-free week. It’s been a bit annoying that it’s not actually as warm as it looks in the sunshine, so I keep popping out without my usual layers on and finding it pretty chilly..
4. One of our neighbours is a right racist old trout. We actually hide / walk reeeaaallly slowly to avoid her if we’re coming in at the same time so as to avoid another rant about the (perfectly sweet) Chinese students and their foreign cooking / high pitched voices / slitty eyes (okay I made the last one up there, but not the first two..)
5. I met 2 dogs in the park yesterday who (each) weigh far more than I do. St Bernards. Very cute, but kind of slobbery..
1) In the special one seat next to the driver, screaming “ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET!!!”
2) Totally agreed on the spare seat/bag thing. Personally though, it is fucking bams in tracksuits who feel that playing shite techno through their phones at full blast is acceptable on a bus. I mean seriously, if my music was as utterly awful as that, the least I would do is get some fucking headphones – why do they want to share this filth?. The most I would do is get off the bus and throw myself off the nearest bridge onto the biggest spike I can find, hopefully spearing my phone and heart in one neat, swift and poignant transaction.
3) The wing mirror on the Audi I was trying to bypass while racing my bike through Rosemount.
4) The German’s next door seem worried that I don’t have enough work so often offer me shifts in their hardware store – in Arbroath. This is actually quite sweet, but fucking Arbroath?!!!!! Oh dear lord no. Help me. Things could never be that bad. I’d rather play shit techno on a bus then throw myself off a bridge.
5) Barack Obama has claimed Irish ancestry through a fellow called Falmouth Kearney, which means we are probably related. The hawks may also wish to know that there could therefore be a relation between Obama and gay serial killer Patrick Kearney, who killed 35 men and dumped them in the desert. Sorry, you said ‘happy though’….We’re having steak tonight.
I wrote German’s instead of Germans and thus turned a plural into a possessive. For this, I am disgraced and shall throw myself off a bridge. The utter shame!
Mmmm… steak!
Christ almighty, everyone really is out royaling it up today aren’t they. Jesus wept.
1. Round about th middle. The only time I’m on a double decker is the night bus back from Glasgow to Paisley after midnight, and the top deck is always full of the higher grade nutters, so I don’t venture up there unless I have to.
2. Playing utter, utter pish through your phone’s crappy, tinny wee speaker. The Black Eyed Peas were shite to start with but well done pal, you’ve found a way to make them sound worse and more annoying. That and the inevitable incredibly drunk creepy guy that tries to hit on the pretty girl on the previously night bus and causes my misplaced sense of chivalry to get me into a fight.
3. Everything, I’ve been in a mood all week. Most recently, losing the league in Fifa by a point because my player was injured for a month and we lost a few games cause I couldn’t play.
4. Most of my neighbours are fairly alright. The kids next door swear a lot though, I don’t like to hear swearing children. I don’t like hearing their Mother then swear at them for swearing either.
5. I just scored a 35 yard free kick, it was glorious.
1. Where ever there’s a seat, preferably on the right hand side so that see the street signs and not miss my stop.
2. 1st: taking up more than your fair share of the seat because some guy has to sit with his legs spread out
2nd: people who stand in front of the door when it’s crowded during rush hour
3. You know, nothing much this week. Check back next week.
4. The upstairs neighbors play their music at insanely loud, floor shaking i have to shout so that i can be heard in my own apartment levels on weekends. Its so loud that you can’t hear
5. I am wearing the awesomest hat today.
If that doesn’t work: COFFEE!
1. Top front if its nice outside, lower back next to the engine if its cold
2. Not only those who think its fine to blast out the newest, incompatible mashup created by deranged, tuberculosis ridden techno badgers. But those who invest in a strap that enables them to wear their phones as an annoying necklace of tinny douchery.
3. the event which must not be named – see Ed’s 2
4. The geriatric, stockbridge collonies exhibitionists that live across the street from me. ‘shivers with disgust’
5. noise insulated headphones- if you can’t hear it its not there!
Another entry for #2, though not just limited to buses, but also streets, shops, or anywhere – people with bags who have no spacial awareness. Your bag makes you much wider, you can’t fit through that space as easily as you could without the bag. Oh, you’ll try ignorantly anyway? What a surprise, you’ve just SMACKED ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD WITH YOUR BAG. Now you look pissed off that I’ve made a noise of pain. I hope you fall under the bus.
Benjin, that’s what I’m calling it too. Whaddaya mean? It’s just Friday innit?
Matthew.
I honestly don’t know, they seem to be getting very much worked up about some sort of event. Putting out flags and memorial posters to make sure I don’t forget and share their joy. Fortunately, my trusty headphones and book cancel out their meaningless noise. My personal theory is they must have been listening too much a song by a certain youtube child singer who also must not be named.
Was it the 15 you were on? If so, those suburban houses are where I live!
1. Top deck, about midway.
2. I once got in an altercation with a middle aged ned who refused to give his seat up for an old lady. The whole bus turned on him, problem solved. It was like an episode of Jeremy Kyle, whoever THAT is.
3. Nothing. Seriously. I have started going on runs and working out everyday, got me some nice vinyl, I even complimented Kate Middleton and her dress (tits).
4. Be Hibs fans.
5. Had some Berocca this morning, it had NOT fizzed properly so it went up my nose and shot out my nose. Silky.
It was the 47 I think, but I didn’t really check.
Right, fuck this, I am bored of being at work while everyone else is on holiday, I am going to the fucking pub.
1) At the front. Unless it’s a double decker in which case I go upstairs and sit at the front.
2) Move into the damn carriage. There is space but people have to shove past the arseholes who just get on and then stand there. Gah!
3) The inability of people to express an opinion and take responsibility for it. “Well, so-and-so thinks this. What should we do?”. “Hmm, will the audience get upset about this”?
4) Mismanages the finance of our condominium association costing me thousands of dollars.
5) Just put on a really really good show.
Poor old Americans – no pub yet and no day off!
No desire to celebrate THAT!
Also, I’m writing this from my kitchen, with a cup of delicious coffee. They threatened to make me a guest of honour at a Royal Wedding party in the office. I was to wear a crown.
Thanks… but no thanks. Thank, excuse me, see you bye.
1. As far away from the guy that looks a bit fighty/smelly/chatty as possible.
2. People not moving up the bus when there’s clearly room to do so. FUCKIN MOVE!!!!!
3. Blanket coverage of something insignificant on the telly. But I can’t remember what.
4. Leaving their dead Xmas tree outside their door, poking into our garden. 125 days and counting, motherfuckers.
5. Boris Johnson fisting George Osborne.
STU
Comrade! Let us raise and army, and march for the back of the bus/middle of the carriage! Let us take back publik transportation for the people (with spacial awareness). Join me brother!
Sorry. it just does really really bother me. Watching people get turned away from getting on bus/train while people stare blankly at them sends shivers down my spine and the bile rushing for my throat.
Ben, I don’t care in the slightest about that ridiculous wedding, but the day off would have been nice. That’s what you get for being self-employed though – days off and holidays kind of lose their meaning. It all just represents work being put off, not avoided altogether.
1. Top deck, front. I like battering into trees and stuff.
2. The bags on seats really gets me. But I was once on a packed train and had to stand despite my reservations, and some woman who was sat down kept shouting at me for resting my foot on her suitcase. I asked if she’d like to switch positions to protect her baggage, but she declined. Idiot.
3. The usual being hideously undervalued for trying to do something positive for society. I need to grow up and realise that life is not, and will never be fair.
4. My neighbour has very, very heavy feet, and he always, always arrives home five minutes after I lay down to go to sleep.
5. It is finally sunny here in New England! After weeks and weeks of grey drizzle.
Actually, the royals remind me an awful lot of religion – something I was quite prepared to diplomatically ignore, and hence tolerate, until it became so insistent that it was impossible to pretend away. At which point I went from condescending indifference to scornful dislike, and can never go back.
Becky, is that where they got the England bit in ‘New England’?
Last year, I would have said no. This year, the weather has been waaaay more English than England it seems.
What gets me is that both the Royals and Church (of which they are in charge) seem to get all huffy if you fail recognize or question their obvious worth.
A bit like Russell Brand.
1. On the left, next to the window
2. Loudly having an argument on one’s cellphone on an otherwise quiet bus. I don’t want to know that she cheated on you.
3. Donald Trump
4. They just sold the house and left, so nothing at all!
5. The wedding is over and we can all stop hearing about it! (I hope)
1. Never been on a double-decker, not often on buses (part of suburban sprawl problem). Loved the very back seat as a kid on school bus, of course, for the occasional “toss you in the air” bump.
2- Generally people being unaware of other people around them and not being polite. Spout some manners already, who raised you?!
3- Let’s see, I’m so irritable… my 4-yo’s taking one bite of their apples and leaving the rest, that’s minor. The silliness of the Obama birth certificate thing and American politics in general, combined with the willingness of people to believe in things so easily just because somebody said so on TV… And I’ll 2nd the Donald Trump thing. He’s just full of hot air. Major Doofus.
4- No really irritating neighbors right now. Yay! Sometimes noise in the early am on summer nights, not as big an issue now that the twins are 4 and not infants. I’m inclined to join them at times.
5- I was going to say what Christina said: the wedding is over! Perhaps you all won’t have to hear about it constantly. Other than that my 4yo son was very cutely running around and singing “All the Single Ladies” yesterday. Hilarious. Perhaps not the best song, though not bad for pop. He’s got 2 sisters, you see. But what makes it funny is that he’s quite masculine, so when he sings a song like that, it makes for a laugh-fest.
I will join the chorus that Donald Trump is a wet fart of man.
1. Where on the bus do you tend to sit?
In the middle-ish, closer to the back than the front.
2. What is your most rage-inspiring public transport etiquette transgression?
Loud mobile phone talkers. I don’t care if you’re on the train/bus/tram and the person you’re calling probably doesn’t either.
3. Something that’s irritated you this week.
Having to go back to work after two and a half weeks off. Poop to that, I say.
4. What do your neighbours do which winds you up the most.
My neighbours are cool actually. The one on the right lets me use her recycling bin since mine was stolen and I refused to pay the council $125 for a new one, and my neighbour on the left I hardly ever see.
5. Give us a happy thought to banish all the rage.
There’s always somebody worse off than yourself? That’s only happy if you’re a self-centered git though, I suppose.
Umm…. gin?
I realise this is a touch on the late side but meh:
1. Top at the front. Its like a roller-coaster.
2. One time, on the way to practice, the driver slammed on the brakes and my guitar (in a hard case) went flying down the aisle and hit someone. They we not pleased.
3. Yesterday, while playing at the Grassmarket Festival, it rained ESPECIALLY FOR US. It began as we plugged in and finished as we did. It seems there is a god and he’s a dick.
4. The cat from the flat above us thinks it lives on our floor. I’m not sure how they could fix it though, its lived there for years.
5. (continued from 3.) We totally rocked though. And a five year old boy immediately dragged his dad down to Avalanche to buy our CD. Hurrah!
Gosh, I like you people. And I don’t mean anything when I say “you people”.
And I meant to say “sprout some manners”, not “spout some manners”. Ahem… I’m trying to figure out now what ‘spout some manners’ means…
Steven, we now have a cat who was confused about which home was his. He chose us because I kept letting him in from the pouring rain and feeding him. His original family didn’t apparently. Then they moved away and left him behind. Cold.
I sit behind the stairs up stairs.
People playing black eyed peas on there mobiles.
Not much I guess 3 4 5 are all the same
My neighbors are fucking scum man, They piss all over the stairwell, They cant leave or enter there flat without singing irish drinking songs, They throw, food, glass, fags, used condoms and even piss out of windows. Im planning revenge, Im gonna flip soon.
Happy thought…
eeeeeeer WHEN YOU DIE ITS OVER OK.