Friday is Coked off its Tits

No, not really.  My standard excuse for not doing drugs, and I think it’s a good one, is that I struggle enough to contain the one in which I do partake, which is alcohol.  Adding another self-destructive pharmaceutical to the list would just be plain fucking silly. And so I have never partaken of anything more horrifying than marijuana. I think this would make me a shit parent.

“Don’t do drugs”
“Why, Dad?”
“Umm, I dunno, but mostly because they’re a pointless waste of everyone’s time.”
“Oh right, so they’re not evil or anything?”
“Well no, but they’re kind of like sugar and salt – mostly fun but best avoided in general.”

It’s not exactly a chilling message of horror, is it.  Don’t do drugs because, more than anything, if you get caught doing them bad things might happen.  Otherwise, who fucking cares? But some of them are quite ropey.  Dammit, I want to write a brochure for teh Gubmint.

Anyhow, it’s Friday, so time to snort coke off a teenage Hungarian hooker’s backside and get so drunk you fall asleep in a gutter in a town you’ve never been to before.  Like Livingstone.  And please don’t go to Livingstone, because no disrespect, but it really is fucking shit.

Umm… so yes, the Friday Fives. Sorry ’bout that!

1. If you were to buy a teenager off eBay for sexual tasks, where would you buy them from?
2. If you were to be king or queen of some kingdom or other, which would it be?
3. Christen your dragon protector.
4. If someone had to set Nick Hornby on fire for being one of the worst authors in living memory, to which part would you put the taper first?
5. If you owned a record shop, which album that no-one would ever buy would take pride of place in your window display?

This week’s five songs were taken from the High Fidelity soundtrack.

The Jam – Town Called Malice
[audio:http://songbytoad.com/tunes/TheJam-TownCalledMalice.mp3] 

Smog – Cold Blooded Old Times
[audio:http://songbytoad.com/tunes/Smog-ColdBloodedOldTimes.mp3]

The Beta Band – Dry the Rain
[audio:http://songbytoad.com/tunes/TheBetaBand-DrytheRain.mp3]

Elvis Costello & the Attractions – Shipbuilding
[audio:http://songbytoad.com/tunes/ElvisCostelloandtheAttractions-Shipbuilding.mp3]

Bob Dylan – Most of the Time
[audio:http://songbytoad.com/tunes/BobDylan-MostoftheTime.mp3]

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