Why You Should Never Give a Fuck About a Bad Review
This post can be shortened to one sentence, if you like: “It’s just one random arsehole’s opinion, that’s all, so who fucking cares?”
And the thing is, that’s all it ever is, no matter who writes the damn thing. Me, you, the editor of Mojo, God al-fucking-mighty himself, it makes no difference, it’s just one arsehole’s opinion.
I know there are differences in the precise pucker of each specific arsehole. Some arseholes write for very influential publications, so it can be frustrating and in some cases quite damaging if they don’t like something. And journos, whether professional or amateur, can be incredibly herd-minded, so a couple of negative early write-ups can definitely produce a cascade effect, which is incredibly annoying.
But still, really, it’s just one arsehole’s opinion. Now, of course, some writers and some of the better publications will put that random arsehole’s opinion into exquisitely well-researched and knowledgeable context, but there are plenty of derivative, badly played, badly recorded albums which add nothing new to the world and yet which people love, so whether or not their painstaking analysis emerges in a positive or a negative way is still down to whether or not they, personally, instinctively like or dislike your music.
And more often than not, even for a lot of the bigger publications, that random arsehole is some kid fresh out of college, or still in it, who isn’t being paid, and who in a year or two is almost certain to have quit the music writing business in favour of something that pays at a slightly more dignified level.
Alternatively it might be some jaded old fucker whose years of experience have almost certainly served more to entrench their pre-existing opinions than to open their minds, and honestly, would you care what your mate’s mum or dad thought of your album? Would you fuck, so why care now, it’s just some random arsehole’s opinion, so who fucking cares?
Even if a whole bunch of random arseholes don’t really like it, does that lessen the enjoyment of the ones who do? Would you be discouraged if you handed your album to a random person on the street and they didn’t like it, as if that would in some way render the enjoyment of your actual fans less meaningful? Would you fuck, because who fucking cares about some random arsehole’s opinion, but that’s pretty much all that happens when you send your work out to be reviewed or submitted for radio play or anything like that.
If I was on the Mercury panel would PJ Harvey have won the prize this year? Would she fuck, because I find her work boring. I have no idea why, although I could probably go into great detail about all sorts of post hoc excuses, and loads of people whose music taste I respect and tend to agree with love her, I just happen not to. Does that make her work less good, because I happen to find it dull? Of course not, and I would no longer be arrogant enough to think so. Because that’s all ‘something being good’ actually is – more people like it than don’t.
You can bet your life that for every single classic album there will be a handful of high-profile, well-respected, expert critics who think it’s secretly rubbish. And loads who think it’s great. Does that make the naysayers righter or wrongerer than everyone else? And what happens with the next classic album, when the exact same thing happens but the love it/loathe it hats get switched around a bit?
And as for the fucking internet, well Christ on a fucking bike, if you need to be told not to give a fuck about what some stupid fucker writes on the internet then you need a slap. Any wanker can write a blog, and as you well know by now, any wanker frequently does. But even at the high-profile internet rags, they rarely ever pay their writers a cent. Even in the world of print this is increasingly common, so why would you worry about the opinions of someone whose writing and whose insight are so incredibly special they can’t get anyone to pay a red cent for the privilege of actually publishing it?
And while we’re at it, did I mention that paid or not, any review is just one random arsehole’s opinion, so really, who cares anyway? People enjoy things, or they don’t enjoy things, and this is an instinctive, emotional response which can’t be argued away. So everything anyone writes about your stuff stems from this instinctive enjoyment, or lack thereof, of your music.
No music writer anywhere is ever capable of telling you the intrinsic value of your stuff. Partly this is because music is too personal for that anyway, and partly because the cultural impact of something, which is pretty much the only way we can measure quality in the long term, is much more dependent on commercial factors and blind chance than it is on artistic merit.
So the next time your album gets butchered in Q magazine (if you’re lucky) or just plain ignored by some ignoramus like myself (if your aim is a lot, lot lower) then just remember that this is still always just the opinion of one random dude they happened to hand the album to. Look at everything else they like. If they love music that you hate, and vice versa, which is bound to happen because no-one in music agrees entirely on anything, then why would you necessarily expect to agree with one another on the music you yourself produce?
So bad reviews can be hurtful, they can be annoying, they can be inconvenient and they can be commercially harmful. But deep down they mean absolutely nothing, and really, they are no more than just one random arsehole’s opinion, and why the fuck would you ever care at all about that?
Correct.
As a punter I dont pay much attention to reviews. I prefer to find a stream of the album on Bandcamp or Spotify and I’ll make my own mind up thankyouverymuch.
That’s why we need reviewers, HP. If people like you are left to make up your own minds, thinkoftheconsequences!
I am like that very much with anything I have already heard of, although I still like to find people who are good at sniffing out unheard of stuff, just to help me filter out some of the noise out there, so finding trusted opinions still has a lot of value for me in that sense.
Not with album reviews of prominent bands though – why would you care when it’s so easy to just find out for yourself?
Absolutely f**king brilliant !
Very true. It can be a game of russian roulette as to who you will get reviewing when submitting to publications with a large amount of writers.
There are also a lot of writers who read too much (any at all) of the NME and just go out to bash a record to get some notoriety, and this should be easy to spot and ignore.
It’s the lottery of who things happen to get handed to which I find amazing. Get lucky and you get a great review, get unlucky and you get slated, and all down to chance.
I mean, we’re pretty lucky in that we’re not really big enough for anyone to really bother writing a bad review of our releases, but as you get to understand the process a bit it becomes increasingly clear what a lottery it is.
At least with a blog you know it’s just one person’s opinion, and you can value or ignore it accordingly.
Remember to ignore all the writing parts of the review and just look at the big number at the end, that’s the most important part.
Half Man Half Biscuit’s Bad Review dealth with this quite well
http://www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/voyage-to-the-bottom-of-the-road/bad-review/
Heh heh heh heh! 4/5 for that comment, Jim.
Dealt I mean not dealth. They’ve got a new album out I’ve just realised. Am stupidly excited, but know I can’t buy it until payday (Friday).
Oh of course they do. Whoops, I’d forgotten about that, thanks for the reminder.
The new Half Man Half Biscuit album is rather good. Four biscuits out of five.
You’re not making my frustrated anticipation of not being able to get this any better. And don’t suggest downloading it- HMHB have to be bought in a physical format, preferably from Probe Plus.
Surely that should be four and a half biscuits?
Four biscuits, half a man. Now a nonsensical rating system like that I could maybe get behind.
I hereby award this album three biscuits, half a man, two steam engines and the English language. Well done.
nonsense, some albums really are just shite.
and sometimes folk need to be told.
Our household is looking forward with bated breath to your review of The Florence and the Machine album on 31st October. I ‘ve bet you can make her cry
Florence and the fucking Machine are an exception. That’s just an offence against humanity.
I had a really old song on my myspace (it’s probably still there – must delete) and Chris Barron off of The Spin Doctors commented on my page saying he really liked my music. This is the only review I will EVER care about!!
1-2, Princes kneel before you!
(he was clearly just being polite)
It still counts!
I take it you disagree with Uncut’s slating of Noel Gallaghers solo album then?
*mischievious giggle*
As the great sage Mick McCarthy once said,
“Opinions are like backsides. We have all got one but it isn’t always wise to air them in public,”
Pretty apt for those amongst us who spend too long on t’internet trolling. Instead, use the time and make something yourself that you do like.
I’m with Cogstar.
Q greet every new piece of shit released by that irish band as the second fucking coming when anybody with an ounce of intelligence knows that it is just the latest in a long line of steaming Alsatian turd.
Hey, I didn’t say that negative reviews were wrong, or that it was even bad to write them. I was just saying that there is no need to take them particularly seriously, particularly if you are in a band.
… the exception might be when they are of a more personal nature. It does happen.
Yeah, that’s true. I have read a few where the reviewer seems to be showboating their ability to delivery pithy put-downs at the expense of the band, and a few which get really unpleasant. Generally, though, they just make the reviewer look like a dick. I’ve never known anyone read reviews like that and think ‘gosh, they might be right’.
This is a great article Matthew but, with something as personal as music I feel you bump into the problem.
Everyone I know on an intelectual level would agree with you but, can still not avoid getting their feelings hurt when someone writes something mean about them. Especially when they know the reviewer and know if they are a friend or have an agenda.
This works both ways though.whilst you shouldn’t take bad reviews to heart, you also shouldn’t let good reviews give you an ego.
there are some writers out there who should possibly not be allowed to write reviews about certain records due to their association with the labels or bands.was speaking about this just the other night and like any industry it’s most commonly about who you know, how in with these people you are etc, how established you are, that gets you the good reviews.
True but sadly a bad review of one’s work always hurts.
Yeah, that’s true. I wasn’t saying that I don’t understand it, just trying to train myself to brush it off, more than anything else.
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