Friday is Caturday
And not just any cats, those two fuckwits in the picture up there. Yep, Mrs. Toad managed to keep her despair at the loss of Floyd under control for just about six months before she decided that not just one cat, but TWO fucking cats was the answer.
I think the idea is that because I work from home they will keep themselves entertained and not pester me the whole fucking time, but I honestly think this is ambitious. I think they are going to be climbing all over the keyboard all the time and making a right fucking nuisance of themselves to be honest. And the second I complain people will call be a bad person because wook and the wickle darlings, they’re SO KYOOOOOOOT!
So while you are sitting uncomfortably in your offices today, Mrs. Toad and I will be driving up to Aviemore to meet the lady who’s selling them to us and then driving back with a van full of mewling kittens. Splendid.
Anyhow, if those two little fuckers don’t tempt you to de-lurk and say hello, then nothing will. This is the internet, right? Pictures of kittens is just what people do here.
1. Name the girl (on the left, she’s a menace, apparently).
2. Name the boy (the gormless one on the right).
3. Which of the various internet memes since the cute pictures of cats obsession have you enjoyed the most?
4. What would be a better way of delaying your mid-twenties-onwards parenting instincts which people seem to salve with pets these days?
5. Pick a weird pet for someone you might not expect to have one.
PAWS – Kitten
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Squirrel Nut Zippers – Fat Cat Keeps Getting Fatter
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Willard Grant Conspiracy – Cat Nap in the Boom Boom Room
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
1. Mildred
2. Marvin
3. I liked the Kim Il Yong blog. Looking at things.
4. Salsa classes (not really though, yuck)
5. Komodo dragon
Ha first!
1. Min
2. Wally
3. The ones with the cats on wheels
4. a football manager style game, where you take charge of sprogs, train them and monitor their performance
5. I’d quite like to give Ed Sheeran a pet pirhanna for his bath
1. You told me this. Is it Mollie?
2. Ohhhh god. I am a terrible friend. I’ll say Toby, maybe? I need to listen to Mrs Toad more.
3. Sad Keanu
4. Collect taxidermy.
5. Lana Del Rey has a pet grey squirrel. Looks nice, but harbours diseases which kill the lesser. And cooler red squirrel.
Mildred and Marvin?! Fucking hell, I was right off! I can’t wait to lie on you kitchen floor and let the jump all over me. Erm….
1. Etta
2. James
3. Hmmm. Is this a meme? I don’t know. http://feministryangosling.tumblr.com
4. Don’t live til your mid-twenties?
5. Justin Beiber
1. Minnie (as in Minnie The Minx)
2. George
3. http://thathipsterporn.org
4. Become a serial killer
5. Get Bon Iver a pet tiger, just to make him a bit more edgier and interesting.
Im sticking with Mark, Martin or Gerard for the boy cat.
I think the missus should choose the girl’s name.
Have a nice trip
1. Grizabella (the Glamour Cat, from T.s. Eliot)
2. Gavin (Gavin’s are almost always gormless. You know it, I know it).
3. Lolcats
4.The bank balance (and the precarious state of it) meant I put off pets until I was 29 and children until I was 34. This might work for some people
5. I think a pack of foxhounds for Ed Sheeran. After all, don’t they like to tear ginger things apart limb from limb?
I too have two cats. It’s a bit of hassle but now you have a shameless way to increase the number of hits you get here, by randomly attaching kitten photos to every post. Like you’ve done here.
1. Cathy
2. Tom
3. eh?
4. go to uni at 27
5. ants
I think Mrs Toad might have already decided. Personally I like the idea of giving pets footballers names; not names of your favourites like dicks do, I prefer the idea of long-forgotten also-rans. This is harder for females…
1. Izzet/Minto/Fjortoft/
2. Beardsmore/Harkness/Hadji
3. Anything by Joel Vietch. Once all his ideas got nicked, it got boring.
4. Look at your friends who do have kids. See how often they go out/have fun/smile/sleep.
5. An eye-eye for George Osborne. If you don’t know what at eye-eye is, look here: http://www.sciencemusings.com/blog/uploaded_images/Aye-aye-759013.jpg I also like Ed’s comment about Ed Sheeran, the bland prick.
1. Name the girl (on the left, she’s a menace, apparently).
Basement cat
2. Name the boy (the gormless one on the right).
Ceiling cat
3. Which of the various internet memes since the cute pictures of cats obsession have you enjoyed the most?
Lolcats or my own sad Caturday series starting soul stealing basement cat
4. What would be a better way of delaying your mid-twenties-onwards parenting instincts which people seem to salve with pets these days?
Spending a few nights looking after a child. It’s the sleep deprivation that truely crushes
5. Pick a weird pet for someone you might not expect to have one.
jackal for Toad
i like your thinking Ed, i reckon a whole tv programme could be made around animals attacking the Sheeran
1. Smoochy
2. Fluffington
3. It’s part of a Youtube compilation. It’s the one where a cat jumps out at a black bear and the bear turns and runs off pissing itself in fear.
4. There is no better way. Cats are awesome and your sarky demeanour cannot mask the fact that you too think these guys are kyoooooooooot!
5. A pool of sharks in the holiday home of Professor Brian Cox for anyone who disagrees with his theses about how handsome he is.
5.
1. Bloodfang
2. Shithead
3. Goths up trees
4. Sterilization
5. Tapeworm for Oprah
1. Mungojerrie (on the left, she’s a menace, apparently).
2. Rumpelteazer (the gormless one on the right).
3. http://hipster-animals.tumblr.com/
4. collecting books and plants. at least no one will make the ‘oh is this your practice child’ comment.
5. an armadillo for Wes Anderson
Here’s another kitten related gem of a song: http://youtu.be/oOfb9XgYlk4
Tree goths would be awesome. The Lesser Eyelined Emo
Mrs. Toad – check the website out: http://gothsuptrees.net/
A whole pack of creatures attacking Ed Sheeran? What else could we have – Lions and Tigers? Wolves (about to be re-introduced to Scotland, so might put off the doom-mongers by saying they’ll do some good)? Runrig chasing after him going ‘You give bland music a bad name?’
Ed Sheeran being eaten by a shark: http://i41.tinypic.com/dxn0om.jpg
1. Name the girl (on the left, she’s a menace, apparently).
kira
2. Name the boy (the gormless one on the right).
oliver
3. Which of the various internet memes since the cute pictures of cats obsession have you enjoyed the most?
the one with the pictures of trees blossoming in spring.kind of vintage.
4. What would be a better way of delaying your mid-twenties-onwards parenting instincts which people seem to salve with pets these days?
live with a pet that needs constant care for a week. then think again.
5. Pick a weird pet for someone you might not expect to have one.
a dog for my mother. that would be more than weird for her, most probably unbearable.
Or perhaps Bowie and Eno
70s vibe
1.Mogwai
2.Gizmo
3.Never seen any
4.Manage an ‘artist’ for three days.THEN think again
5. A tiger for Eno
1. Lucrezia
2. Howard
3. Privilege Denying Dude
4. Playing the Sims
5. Prince William, Brain Slug
1) Bessy
2)Fuckwit
3) Running into walls
4) Borrowing someone elses for a couple of days
5) A snake
1. Lana
2. Del Ray
3. Prozacs I Has It
4. With three kids of my own, can’t argue with the earlier comment about seeing how much fun/going out those with kids have….
5. Some crabs for Katie Price. Eh, you mean she has them already?
1. Beryl (the Peril).
2. Henry.
3. I like the Damn You Autocorrect stuff.
4. How about one of those polar expeditions which people seemed to find so irresistible in the nineteenth century?
5. A blue-footed booby for David Cameron, just to regularly remind him what he is and stop him getting too full of himself.
I like the idea of the TV show in which Ed Sheeran is attacked by a variety of wild animals once a week. I’d pay to see that. Then, if they commission a second series we could pick someone else, assuming of course that watching Ed Sheeran being horribly mauled had stopped being fun, which is unlikely.
This site should have a LIKE button like Fudface. Matthew’s last entry is particularly likeable.
1. Sybil
2. Basil (Is the names’ reference obvious enough?)
3. lol cats at first, that hipster cat meme has turned out a few good ones too.
4. Babysit your friend’s kids.
5. Prime Minister Stephen Harper (of Canada) gets a cat named Cheddar … oh, wait http://richardlevangie.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/stephen-harper.jpg
1. Boo Boo Kitty Fuck
2. PhillipJoshMatthew, after PAWS.
3. Nyancat
4. Be repellent to all women. Worked for me.
5. Hypnotoad, for everyone.
Sybil fucking Faulty. What a brilliant call.
Great! When can I expect my prize?
CATS. CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS.
I’m sorry, what was the question?
Ducky’s Friday Five questions:
1) are they long-haired?
2) moggies?
3) you will be posting videos of them, no?
4) you do realize that you wouldn’t technically have a van filled with mewling kittens unless you have a very, very, very small van or a lot more than two kittens?
5) how long will it be that they realize that you are better than any toy?
1. Marie Antoinette, Lacrimosa, Alela, Nico or Maude (but only if the boy’s Harold)
2. Voltaire, Figaro, Ziggy Stardust, Bob or Harold (but only if the girl’s Maude)
3. Giant Pandas Rolling in the Snow
4. That would be the pot calling the kettle black. Like Mrs. Toad, I replaced 1 departed beloved cat w/ 2. :/
5. Kids are the weirdest pets I can think of.
Also I thought of you when my husband cringed and asked if Lana Del Ray’s painful performance on Saturday Night Live last weekend was a bad skit.
I love your husband!
Ducky, them realising I am one big, bad-tempered toy is what I am afraid of. My office door may require a functioning latch.
Just saw on the news that Etta James has died. My naming your cats after her was not me being rude! I believe it could now be seen as a rather touching tribute. Or something.
I thought you were just being callous, frankly.
We didn’t fucking know her, there’s no need to walk on eggshells here people.
Fjortoft is perfect if your cat has long arms and scores every 6 months
http://www.infinitecat.com/
1. Steve
2. Alice (Fuck with their tiny little minds)
3. Turtle noses
4. I’m with jim scare off women that’ll work.
5. A mongoose for that snake Piers Morgan.
Also on the old footballers front if I was getting myself cats they’d be attilla Serkelogoue, Kernaghan and Dasovic
Bonnie & Clive.
Seriously, don’t ask me though, my current cat is named Mewsli, and his predecessor was Mogwai (yes, named after the band, deary me)
Clyde not Clive!
Nope, not Clyde – CLIVE!! Clive is a way better name for a cat than Clyde, who calls a cat Clyde fercrissakes?!