Song, by Toad


Friday Has Made Friends With The Cats

 I’ve always felt weird whenever I’ve been asked to cat-sit as I’ve always been a dog person. I’m not sure if it’s because of their doe-eyed obedience, endearing stupidity or general loyalty but I really do love dogs. I’ve never been the type of person who hated cats either, they just seemed to hate me. Now this has proven to be a challenge whilst looking after Mr and Mrs Toad’s cats (Marvin and Mildred). At first they seemed weary of me, with Marvin being the more ‘dog-like’ of the two due to his craving of attention, whilst Mildred would silently sit in the corner and look as though she was plotting my downfall. After a wee while I’ve really grown to love the wee guys, and they seem to kinda like me back too. Mildred is far less weary and has started wanting cuddles, whilst Marvin has now promoted himself to chief head-sitter. It’s kind of weird as I would always think cat folk were daft when they spoke about their cats having such unique personalities, but it’s true. So here is to my two new pals. De-lurk please, and all that shite.

1. Cats or dogs or neither or both?
2.Which animal can you absolutely not stand?
3. Do you think animals have personalities or is that a load of all bollocks?
4. Cat Stevens or Cat Deeley?
5. Which animal are you most frightened of?


23 witty ripostes to Friday Has Made Friends With The Cats

  1. avatar

    1. After this week, both! (but only if they like me back)
    2. Yappy dugs.
    3. I wouldn’t say something like a snake or a giant african snail has a personality, but generally, yes.
    4. Cat Stevens, obviously.
    5. Swans, I’m absolutely terrified. There is a painting in the top hallway of a swan and it scares the shit out of me every time I look at it.

  2. avatar
    rampant chutney consumerism

    1. Dogs then cats
    2. i don’t understand people making pets of snakes or rats……i mean what is the point!
    3. pretty much bollocks
    4. Cat Deeley, obviously
    5. Horses

  3. avatar

    1. Cats
    2. None spring to mind.
    3. Yes.
    4. In what situation? Although in the half dozen that initially sprung to mind it was Cat Deeley by a mile.
    5. Geese. They’re evil. They’re also tasty and so make a completely guilt free meal.

  4. avatar

    1. Cats

    2. I despise mice. Cats tend to agree with me here, so another reason they trump dogs.

    3. Definitely have personalities.

    4. How about KATniss?

    5. When I am running, dogs are a complete menace. Was bitten a few months ago so now am frightened of any off lead canine.

  5. avatar

    1. Just the dogs, cats are nuisance scratchy things.
    2. Cats and pigeons. Dirty things.
    3. Mostly a load of crap, just varying degrees of instinct.
    4. Pre America Miss Deeley.
    5. Any bird taller than me. Just dinosaurs in disguise.

  6. avatar

    2. One has now sprung to mind and it’s Seagulls. They suck.

  7. 1. Cats no dogs
    2. Horses. Don’t trust em (semi permanent shoes. creepy)
    3. My budgie had personality in bags; talked, gave me kisses, did the crossword, went down the shops….
    4. Cat Stevens. Cat Deeley annoys me somewhat
    5. Great White Sharks. They terrify me and intrigue me equally. They are my favourite animal/mammal thing, but I would shit it if I found myself in the ocean with one.

  8. avatar

    1. Cats.
    2. Pandas. A lazy, stupid waste of charity funds.
    3. Some have personalities. Particularly apes/monkeys.
    4. Cat Stevens. Cat Deeley is nowhere near as attractive as some guys think, in fact, she’s boss-eyed and annoying. Cat Stevens on the other hand….
    5. Pit-bulls or any of those nasty, angry dogs that could rip your arm off.

  9. avatar

    1. Both, but cats first.

    2. spiders. and many other terrible bugs.

    3. Of course animals have personalities. Sorry, shall clarify: of course warm blooded vertebrate animals have personalities. Ravens are able to pass down warning to their offspring to avoid particular humans. The off spring has never seen the human in question who has done the worrisome thing to the parent. There’s that dog who has learned so many toys by name, and can reason what a new toy’s name should be by comparing it with the toy’s he knows.

    I’m going to stop now.

    4. Cat Deeley

    5. cows.

  10. avatar

    Scott, I remember I was swimming in the Solway Firth (as ye do). I felt something brush against my leg. I looked back to see what it was, it was a fucking great big basking shark with it’s mouth wide open. Unbeknownst to me, they are placid creatures who feed off plankton and other microscopic shite. It’s still the most frightened I have ever been. Bastarding basking sharks.

  11. avatar

    1. Dogs, though in general me and animals don’t get on.
    2. Sloths. Lazy cunts.
    3. The most famous ones do, like Roland the Rat and Basil Brush.
    4. Cat Deeley has those cold dead eyes, you can imagine her crying as she strips for someone to land her latest bit part acting role. Her then.
    5. Jaws.

  12. avatar

    1. Cats. Cats Cats Cats Cats Cats Cats. CATS.

    2. The pigeons nesting in my roof that keep shitting in my garden.

    3. Of course they do. My cats seem to have a similar dynamic to Matthew’s – the boy is a stroke-craving fuckwit and the girl is aloof to strangers (unless they have food).

    4. Well, I’d rather shag Cat Deeley than Cat Stevens if that’s the question?

    5. Not particularly, but I wouldn’t fancy trying to outrun a lion or outswim a shark…

  13. avatar

    1. Dogs (cats are evil)
    2. Cats (see above)
    3. Dogs have personalities. Cats have evil personalities
    4. Cat Power
    5. Cats

  14. avatar
    i are scientist

    1. Dogs mostly, but cats are better at warming you up when it’s cold by sitting on you (not that they care about you, they are just trying to warm themselves up)

    2. Lapdogs / handbag dogs

    3. Ah. See answer to 1)
    With my scientist head on, I think it’s probably just bollocks (not to mention a way of getting fed), but then one will do something adorable and so obviously sentient that you can’t help but invent a personality for them.
    And everyone talks to dogs, right?

    4. Stevens. I don’t think I know who Cat Deeley is. I’m possibly not her target demographic though.

    5. the aye-aye. (but I think we’ve done this one before?)

  15. avatar

    1. Cats. CATS CATS CATS. Love them. I don’t have one you understand, because I am allergic, but I love them. I am wearing a ring with a cat made out of fuzzy felt on it right now.
    2.I used to really hate dogs but I love a) my mother in law’s dog (see evidence); and b) the puppy down the stairs in my close. So I don’t know. Little brothers? I like the panda answer. Sometimes I tell chuggers that they taste delicious.
    3. YOU’RE a load of all bollocks.
    4. My daddy used to sing me a Cat Stevens song called “Sad Lisa” to help me sleep, or so he says – I don’t remember, and I fucking hate the name ‘Lisa’ so I would doubtless have decked him if it was true. And isn’t he like some weirdy beardy creep now?
    5. Anything bigger than or running towards me. And anything with more than two eyeballs.

  16. avatar

    1. Neither. Shit factories best left alone.
    2. Pets.
    3. Load of Bollocks.
    4. Cat Stevens.
    5. Rats.

  17. avatar

    5. Actually probably seagulls. Those huge ones you get in Aberdeen with the evil eyes and the vicious beaks.

  18. avatar

    1. Cats, they are more cool and cunning.

    2. Toads! Ahaha, no not really, don’t particularly dislike any particular animal.

    3. Hmm… I would say so. Every animals different right?

    4. Cat Stevens

    5. Ferrets. Viscous buggers.

  19. avatar

    cats aren’t stupid enough to go jogging with you.

  20. avatar

    cats aren’t stupid enough to go jogging with you.

  21. avatar

    1. Cats, absolutely completely and entirely cats.
    2.Don’t like dogs at all. Not in the least bit tolerant of spiders/bees/wasps.
    3. I think animals that I like have personalities – my two cats were very different, for example, although they were brothers. I suspect that animals personalities are things you only notice when you spend lots of time with them and that perhaps therefore they are more about you than they are about the animal.
    4. Both, but don’t bother about the bread.
    5. Still not at all fond of dogs. Or spiders.

  22. avatar

    Dogs….they eat more bones than cats

    Wasps ….no contest

    No they’re animals..get over it

    Stevens chap as he has a modicum of talent

    Horses evil fuckers

  23. avatar

    1. Dogs!

    2. Cats and wasps.

    3. I doubt that that bugs and worms and alike got personality but definitely mammals.

    4. Deeley.

    5. There are some but mostly sharks. Since I watched “Jaws” as a little boy I’m really afraid of open water…the movie “Open Water” didn’t make it any better. Glad I don’t live at the sea.

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