Fuck Off, Friday Will Not Keep Calm

 If there is one joke which is wearing irritatingly thin for me at the moment (apart from the recent development of all sorts of fucking idiots reworking Gangnam Style and in doing so making me despise them with a fucking passion) it is the tedious and seemingly endless number of people filling the tat shops of the UK with ‘humourous’ variations on the Keep Calm and Carry On poster.

This particular loathing caught me by surprise, actually. Let’s face it, it’s a brilliant poster, and the slogan so perfectly summarises the British psyche, as well as a healthy dose of nostaligia and aspiration. Graphically it’s fantastic as well.  Simple layout, good font choice, not too fussy, plenty of impact.  I can easily see the temptation to try and join in.

The thing is, they are all terrible.  All of them. Particularly given the part of town in which I live – one riddled with shops selling over-priced, twee and fucking pointless rubbish – I have seen hundreds and hundreds of these fucking things and not one single one of them has been remotely funny.

I don’t know why, either.  Maybe the phrasing of the original was too perfect.  Either way after an initial failure to chuckle, I have slowly become more and more irritated by these endless attempts to appropriate something cool, despite the consistent, abject failure to do so with any success. Now they irritate me like lemon juice on an open wound.  It’s all so woefully lacking in originality – there are millions of these things out there – and all of them are crap, too.

Just give it up people. It is NEVER, EVER GOING TO BE FUCKING FUNNY.

Anyway, I will be spending this afternoon hating stupid slogan-ridden tea towels, arranging courier services, and mostly wasting my time on the internet.  Join me.

1. What is the lamest ongoing attempt at a joke you’ve seen?
2. Keep Calm and…
3. Something from stupid tat shops which annoys the fuck out of you.
4. How much of your Christmas shopping is real presents and how much just some token shit from tat shops?
5. Actually, come to think of it, have you even started Christmas shopping yet? My birthday is over now so, y’know, you’re allowed.