Five For Friday – 3rd May 2013


Today is dreich – one of those great Scottish words I will never truly be able to use properly because of my accent. I can write it down though, and you can all imagine I said it right, if you wouldn’t mind. It’s really hard not to pick up the slang when you’ve lived somewhere as long as I have, even if you know you’ll never really be able to pronounce it correctly.

Anyhow, it’s the usual Friday drill: I link to five weird or interesting things I found on the internet this week, and you either contribute your own, or just take the piss out of my choices. It’s up to you. But no drinking before 3:30pm please, that would be decadent.  Actually, I have some Blackwoods in the fridge, now that I come to think of it… and some Caorunn. Actually, fuck this, fuck you all, I’ll see you on Monday with a rotten, rotten headache.

1. Who Let the Dogs Out by Matt Mulholland

I don’t really need to add anything to this, do I? You can subscribe to this fine fellow’s YouTube channel here. This one is particularly worth it – awful, excruciating brilliance!

2. Bye bye Cloud Sounds

Cloud Sounds wasn’t ‘THE’ inspiration behind Song, by Toad. I started years before I first discovered Ted’s sarcastic, curmudgeonly podcast, but when you do something like Song, by Toad for as long as I have one initial spark of inspiration isn’t really enough. You may not need it all the time, but every once in a while, when the ‘what the fuck is the point’ blues are starting to set in you need to be inspired afresh, and that is what Cloud Sounds did for me a few years ago when I first started listening. The music was great, and despite the cynicism it was somehow a hugely enjoyable podcast and it will be sorely, sorely missed in these parts anyway.  We will hopefully be giving it a vinyl-based swan-song however, so watch this space…

3. Song of the week: Corduroy by Pearl Jam

Like a lot of people, Pearl Jam sort of drifted off my radar after their early-nineties highs of Ten and Vs. It was Ten, more than Nevermind, taught me to love loud guitar music and Vs. was played amongst my immediate peer group more than almost any other album during my first year of university. Vitalogy, which followed these two commercial behemoths, didn’t quite catch with me however. The band were struggling hugely with the fame their previous success had brought them, and the recording process was a bit fractious, by all accounts. Anyhow, the album itself may not have been my favourite, but there are some brilliant tunes on it, and this is one of them.

4. Six-inch Human Remains Found


This is just weird. That skeleton above is apparently, despite its rather exaggeratedly alien appearance, entirely human. It is the remains of a person who was six inches tall, and who lived to the age of about eight years old. There are more images to be found on LiveScience here, but let’s go back to that last point again: eight years fucking old! I find it barely conceivable that a six-inch tall human being could possibly have lived that long. There is really is no shit we can possibly make up which nature can’t do bigger, bolder or weirder, is there.

5. Eyewitness Testimony About Drone Strikes

This is pretty grim listening, I have to confess, but it is important. Having a faceless, non-human controlled device flying about the place which might just fucking annihilate you if its operator so decides must be one of the most terrifying and enraging things which could happen to a community. I can see the attraction of drones, but they are evil, inhuman things – killing another human being is a serious business, and if we decide we have to do it then I still think we need the natural brake on the process of doing it face to face. Yes, it will traumatise the person given the task, but killing people shouldn’t be easy. Make it as remote as drones make it, and it becomes far, far too easy, and I don’t think it should be allowed. In all-out war, maybe, but not in something as delicate as the War on Terror.

5.5 One Last Funny, to Cheer You Up Again

THIS is how to complain!


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