Okay, We Can Start Talking About Christmas Now

Yes, seriously, I am prepared to allow Christmas talk from now on. You must all be so grateful.

Generally I am pretty pro-Christmas, actually, it’s just that I have a list of demands about how people are and are not allowed to celebrate it. No houses festooned in idiotic lights, for example. And most particularly, no starting before my birthday. My birthday is in late November, so it shouldn’t be a fucking trial to keep the Christmas shit on hold before then, but in the fucking UK it’s starting before the end of fucking September in some places.

At least in the States they have Thanksgiving, an annual celebration of the glorious genocide of their indigenous peoples, to delay matters until November, but here we have no such restraint. Ideally the whole business should take place only in December, as far as I am concerned, but I am a generous and open-minded man and am prepared to tolerate some overspill into the later days of November, but absolutely NOT any earlier than the 20th.

One of my other rules is absolutely no Christmas music. It just doesn’t work, frankly. Mostly the music itself is saccharine, shit and completely unlistenable. Alternatively, if it’s the kind of stuff I might actually enjoy listening to, the generally air of glumness, needle and morose bitterness doesn’t really suit the Christmas spirit. Or worse, you get the kind of bands who make music I like completely ruining their sound by forging this unholy alliance with chirpy wholesomeness, either in the forced, awkward lyrics or a horrific bastardisation of their normal sound to incorporate the sort of hellish elements which make Christmas music so unbearable in the first place.

There is music I prefer to listen to around Christmas time, but it is not Christmas music in any sense, more stuff which suits the dark and the cold and cosy evenings indoors with Mrs. Toad.

Where am I going with this rather misanthropic ramble, you ask? Well actually, believe it or not, I am going to recommend a Christmas record to you. You all knew that was coming, right?

If anyone was to make a Christmas album and have it not packed full of cringeworthy awfulness, my bet would be the DIY music pals I have made in Manchester over the last few years. Haus of Pins, which is a label run by PINS the band, are releasing just such a compilation and for a change I am genuinely intrigued by the promise of some festive tunes. Post War Glamour Girls, Brown Brogues, September Girls and PINS themselves are all contributing to it, and if anyone can make this good it’s that lot.

There is still, I have to confess, a slight sense of trepidation, but fuck it, it’s Christmas, let’s see what it’s like shall we!


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