Song, by Toad


Oh Dear God, Bryan Adams

Yeah, sorry to disappoint you, but I am afraid that this post is heading exactly where you feared it might from the headline.

I think most of the truly embarrassing skeletons are out of the closet by now when it comes to my youthful music taste. I’ve been writing this damn blog for over ten years now, and most stuff has ended up spilling out and one time or another: Hootie and the Blowfish, Erasure, Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley (and sadly not ironically), The fucking Dave fucking Matthews fucking Band, the first couple of Meat Loaf albums, hell I think I’ve even mentioned an shameful partiality to a bit of Phil Collins from time to time.

But until now I haven’t quite had the flaps to mention Bryan Adams*.

And no, don’t be ridiculous, of course not that Robin Hood abomination song, fuck me, I’m not a monster.

It’s pretty much impossible to overstate quite how bad every single thing about this video is. There’s not even a fabulously malevolent Alan Rickman to save the day.

Anyhow, my local coffee shop has, by way of music provision, a ghetto blaster (and what a gloriously eighties term that is!) and a pile of tapes about as old as you would imagine, given when mainstream artists finally stopped releasing things on cassette. I was in this morning and Bryan Adams was playing, and of course my mind went right back to when I was twelve or thirteen living in Singapore and only just starting to develop a music collection of my own, but generally spending most of my time listening to my parents’ records. And Reckless, Cuts Like a Knife and Into the Fire by Bryan Adams were amongst them.

I’ve said before that I don’t really care about whether it’s nostalgia or indoctrination which casts such a warm glow over music you might otherwise consider toe-curlingly awful if you hadn’t listened to it an awful lot when young. It doesn’t really matter, does it. Embarrassing as some of it is, for whatever reason you like it, and that’s about all that needs to be said.

Maybe we’d like more utterly embarrassing shit if we didn’t have our ideas of what is good, bad, indifferent or apocalyptically horrendous so strongly shaped by our peer groups. Who knows. Given what we’ll dance to in a club when shit-faced, I reckon our tastes would be broader than we think if we didn’t use music as such an important tribal identifier.

And there we go: I’ve fallen into the trap of using long words in a Bryan Adams post, probably just to give the impression that this is some sort of serious, scholarly piece, when in actual fact it’s really just ‘holy shit, I forgot how much I used to like Bryan Adams as a kid! Thank fuck no-one on the internet know about that, or they’d have a fucking field day.’

*Or the balls, if you prefer, you big old sexist you.

7 witty ripostes to Oh Dear God, Bryan Adams

  1. avatar

    (Everything I Do) I Do It For You does have the Best Guitar Solo Ever™ – it’s cheesy as fuck and hits all the right notes. And it’s really fun to play in a particularly over-exaggerated way.

  2. avatar

    Do you have to make massive Guitar Face when you do it?

  3. avatar

    Yes – and it’s enforced by the cosmos or something. One time I tried to not do and just couldn’t.

  4. avatar

    There’s a missing “it” in that post.

  5. avatar

    Sorry, but the fact is that Everything I Do is a stone cold classic. It’s a wonderful song, brilliantly put together from Michael Kamen’s theme, and the Mutt Lange production is to die for. It suffered from over exposure at the time, but that’s not their fault.

    The same trio pulled it off again on the arguably even better Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman? a few years later (with one duff collaboration – All For Love – inbetween the two). Of the three of them, Adams was/is the least talented, imho.

    The Fatima Mansions cover of Everything I Do is great too.

  6. avatar

    The Fatima Mansions cov… *BOOM*! Brain explodes!

  7. avatar

    (Everything I Do) I Do It For You is just so many middle school slow dances and it is classic material just for that reason. But have you ever heard the version where someone included the sound of a bow twanging during the chorus?

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