Lana Del Rey – Born to Die
 You might not believe me, given how much Lana Del Rey’s ubiquity began to irritate me towards the end of last year, but I was actually rather hoping I would like this.
You see, when people get an almighty slagging I automatically end up pulling for them a little even if, as in this case, that kind of means pulling against myself. And to be fair, Del Rey has received some almighty slaggings both from anyone with any sense at all as well as, a little less enjoyably, from quite a few people with none. I don’t mind people disliking almost anything about her, or indeed saying so, but some of it has been pretty cruel and delivered in pretty significant quantities.
So there was a part of me who sort of hoped this might end up being really good, just to stick two fingers up to everyone who had been slagging her off. Yes, including me.
It’s not though, it’s really, really bad. In fact it looks an awful lot like her label decided to capitalise on her sudden surge in fame and get the damn thing out as soon as possible before it went away. They have displayed a total lack of confidence in her ability, in other words. Apart from the timing, what suggests this might be the case is the utterly one-dimensional pop by numbers production applied to most of these tunes.
The singles – the songs which were ready and planned for – have a distinct and well-executed style to them. The Lana Del Rey Show may have pissed me off, but I will quite happily confess to thinking those are both pretty good pop songs, delivered with character and style. Listening to the album, they are pretty much the only ones with this kind of fully-developed character to them.
She described herself, I believe, as a gangster Nancy Sinatra, and Blue Jeans and Video Games bear that out quite well. They manage an odd combination of sultry and vulnerable. Now, they may also display the rather more worryingly submissive side of her caricature – the side which seems to imply no self-esteem whatsoever – but the retro-fetishist crooner mixed with the pouty sex kitten and obedient, doe-eyed girl next door was a definite and coherent image, both for her and for her music. It annoyed me personally, but in a crucial way it worked; it was pretty well-developed and people bought into it.
That style has either been abandoned for the rest of the album, or the production team simply didn’t have the time or the courage to work it out properly. So presumably either through a lack of time, or in a desperate play to capture the absolute maximum proportion of the mainstream market while they had the chance, she and her label have delivered a colossally tedious record of mid-level, by the numbers pop dross of the sort similar dead behind the eyes, scrabbling ingenues sing karaoke alongside on the X-Factor.
National Anthem might be one of the worst songs I’ve subjected myself to in a long time. It’s a bit depressing actually, I kind of like being proved wrong, and I thought she had a chance of doing just that. But whether she was always a mainstream pop act who accidentally crossed over into something more interesting with a couple of songs, or whether she never really had any talent to begin with, just a desperate craving to be famous, this is still a flaccid travesty of an album.
If they had retained the courage of their convictions and released an album true to the original style of the wounded barroom seductress then this might conceivably have ended up being interesting. It might have even ended with me eating my words. As it is it is so utterly middle of the road I can’t even hate it – it would seem cruel to hate something this crap. What it does though is demonstrate decisively that we never need to mention Lana Del Rey ever again and can safely put this tawdry little episode in our collective musical history behind us once and for all.
Lana Del Rey – Blue Jeans
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Lana Del Rey – National Anthem
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