Well, it’s a vulgar headline, but you know I will.  No-one wants to be that stupid prick at the world’s busiest music festival with not a fucking soul at his fucking picnic. So honestly, please come!

In all honesty, I think you’ll struggle to find a finer lineup for an afternoon’s entertainment.  Blitzen Trapper are headlining. Mute’s Big Deal are playing too, who I discovered courtesy of the brilliant PAWS covering one of their songs for our June split 12″.  Jonathan Meiburg from Shearwater will be playing a stripped back set with an electric guitar and a backing vocalist, we have the phenomenal Micah P. Hinson, the Twilight Sad and Brown Brogues.

This is all taking place at the Hype Hotel, which I think used to be the Pure Groove House, but I’m not sure. To get in and find out all the details and all that pish, just go here and fill in some forms and so on and they’ll be sure to let you in.

Actually, from my experience of SXSW you’ll get in whatever happens, but it might cost you $15 or so if you don’t register in advance or get a badge thingy. Anyway, see you there if you happen to around.  Otherwise, well, I’ll be sure to swear at you on the internet about something soon enough.  Happy March, hipsters!

Christ on a bike, is it that time already?  So much to impart and so little time in which to do it!  First up, a raging hangover and an incomplete Toad Session may have prevented me getting my gig listings sorted this week, but there are loads of things happening this weekend which you will enjoy, so I figured I might as well do a quick preview for you now, before the fives and the radio show.

Tonight:
- The Ides of Toad present: The Pineapple Chunk, Brown Brogues and Zed Penguin at Henry’s Cellar Bar.
- Sparrow & the Workshop and Bwani Junction at the National Museum of Scotland.
- Lach and Catherine Brogan doing spoken word performances at Neu Reekie, at the Scottish Book Trust.
- Rod Jones & the Birthday Suit at the Electric Circus.

Tomorrow:
- The Ides of Toad present: Louis Barabbbas & the Bedlam Six, Skeleton Bob and Lee Patterson at the Third Door.
- PAWS, Edinburgh School for the Deaf, Sebastian Dangerfield and Broken Records solo acoustic at the Wee Red Bar.
- Michael Kiwanuka at the Electric Circus (I think this is sold out, but it’s feasible there are tickets on the door if you’re really determined).

Anyhow, as per usual El, Brian and myself will be back on Fresh Air at half three, and this week El is picking the entire playlist so it should actually be some fun to listen to for a change.  There might even be enjoyable music.  And possibly some remixes. In fact, probably some remixes. But I’ll fill in the playlist at the bottom of the page as we go along so

On air from 3:30pm UK time – listen live here.

And in the meantime, Friday is de-lurking day on Song, by Toad of course, so come out of the woodwork and say hello by answering, as frivolously as you please, the following five silly questions:

1. Any festivals you’re looking forward to this year?
2. Suggest a movie mashup of two films you’d like to see combined into one.
3. Give us a good colloquialism you’ve been enjoying recently.
4. If you make a piece of toast for a snack, what do you spread on it?
5. Instead of ‘this vehicle is reversing’ what should we be teaching our vans to say?

Playlist for our Fresh Air radio show this afternoon, as chosen entirely by Miss El Parks.
1. Selector Dub Narcotic – Distorted Cymbals
2. Y’All is Fantasy Island – With Handclaps
3. Dum Dum Girls – Play With Fire
4. El Mato a un Policia Motorizado – Un Million de Euros
5. Louis Barabbas & the Bedlam Six – Away in a Manger
6. Brown Brogues – Don’t Touch My Hair
7. Dead Rabbits – I Think I Know
8. Mount Kimbie – Maybes
9. Bull Moose Jackson – Big Ten Inch Record
10. The Coasters – Down in Mexico
11. Mongrels – Massive C*nt
12. Plastic Animals – Ghosts (Demo)
13. Franz Ferdinand – Lucid Dreams

Ah, Tartan Shortbread, that most wonderful of sardonic Scottish put-downs.

For those unfamiliar with the term, this is the offhand dismissal used to describe the sort of mawkish, clichéd tourist tat which masquerades as Scottish heritage and culture for those with woefully little imagination.  Alternatively, I suppose you could say that Tartan Shortbread is a blanket term for Scottish heritage as a sort of motorway service station take on national identity.

Anyhow, given I work very much at the coalface of the DIY music world in Scotland, I find that I have been oddly unsupportive of a large number of Scottish bands who have emerged in the last couple of years to considerable enthusiasm from the Scottish music press, both professional and amateur.

For some reason, the recent bands who have shown some likelihood of cracking an audience wider than the relatively narrow confines of the five million or so people in Scotland itself just haven’t appealed to me, with a few notable exceptions.  However, sitting down to assemble the playlist for this week I noticed that there were something like seven of the ten songs which happened to be by Scottish bands.  Oh, I thought to myself, I appear to be Scottish again.  How nice.

Direct download: Toadcast #212 – The Tartan Shortcast

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01. Django Django – Default (00.17)
02. Andrew Bird – Eyeoneye (08.41)
03. Lower Dens – Brains (12.47)
04. Randolph’s Leap – Bile (26.17)
05. Clean George IV – XP Avenue (32.51)
06. Dumb Instrument – Reverse the Hearse (35.57)
07. The Occasional Flickers – When the Sky Looks so Grey (41.11)
08. R.M. Hubbert – Sunbeam Melt the Hour (with Marion Kenny & Hanna Tuulikki) (50.20)
09. The Twilight Sad – Don’t Move (55.49)
10. Brown Brogues – Anyone But You (62.04)

Alright, I know that by the end of January you are supposed to stop using terms like ‘new year’ but I reckoned it was about time for an update on these matters, and that seemed the most appropriate way of phrasing it.

So, with a flurry of album launches coming up in the late Spring/early Summer, we have a small but exciting fistful of gigs to tide us over until then, which I will list below.  Apart from the aforementioned launches, which we’ll generally try and do somewhere a bit strange, I am looking at putting on as many of my events as possible at Henry’s this year.

This is for numerous reasons, but chief amongst them Nora and Claire have been there at every gig and have been a real pleasure to deal with.  When you’re a relatively rookie promoter, having sound engineers and venue managers who just take care of shit in the calmest possible way makes a huge difference, leaving you to panic about attendance at your leisure.  Also, I just kinda like the place.  It’s scruffy, sure, but in many ways it’s a classic dive bar – it’s where gigs should be taking place.

Anyhow, our first gig is in a few weeks and it will be Armellodie Records’ Chris Devotion and the Expectations but umm… well, I’ll write down a handy list for you because, maybe even more than it loves kittens, the internet just loves lists doesn’t it. And as per usual, all tickets will be available from Brown Paper Tickets, and from Avalanche Records down on the Grassmarket.

Saturday 18th Feb: Chris Devotion and the Expectations, My Tiny Robots & Morris Major.

Chris Devotion and the Expectations have a new album out on the brilliant Armellodie Records, and will be playing some dates to support the release.  Their smart, slight stylised indie pop should work well with My Tiny Robots, who are also rather stylish indie poppers, albeit in a rather different way.

Friday 24th Feb: The Pineapple Chunks, Brown Brogues & Zed Penguin.

Er, ramshackle and idiosyncratic – is that the best way to describe this lineup?  I think it might be.  Zed Penguin have a new EP and a new full band lineup, and Brown Brogues a new single on the way, so this should be perfect timing.  All these bands make a bit of a racket, and none of them seem entirely right in the head, which er, well, should probably make for a brilliant night I reckon.

Saturday 25th Feb: Louis Barabbas and the Bedlam Six, Skeleton Bob (I think) and Lee Patterson at the Third Door.

Louis Barabbas were absolutely mental and absolutely brilliant when they last played Edinburgh, in the middle of last year.  They’ll be joined on the bill by Lee Patterson, who I first happened across at this year’s Antihoot in the Summer, and hopefully Skeleton Bob.  Actually, for all they said ‘yeah, awesome’ when I asked them to play, I have yet to get proper confirmation from Skeleton Bob actually, so I’d better get on top of that, now that I think about.  Also, please note that this gig is at the Third Door, not Henry’s.

Friday 9th March: So Many Wizards and LeThug.

This will be a pop night, sort of.  All the bands take their pop and make it weird, be it by fuzz or by skewed eccentricity.  So Many Wizards are over touring from the States, and LeThug are a really promising new Glasgow band I wrote about on Song, by Toad recently, and if you haven’t already checked out their stuff then you should.

Saturday 24th March: Post War Glamour Girls, Dolfinz and Slowcoaches.

Two Leeds bands accidentally ended up on the same bill here, so I hope they get on. Dolfinz are favourites of ours already, as you know, and they are touring with Slowcoaches, so you can expect some fine, garagey racket from those two.  Post War Glamour Girls are just a tad more restrained and stylish I think

It’s no secret that a lot of my favourite bands this year have come from Manchester.  And coincidentally enough, four of them seem to have come up with new releases pretty much simultaneously, so given how rarely I mention single releases on this blog I thought that made for pretty much the ideal opportunity to compile some sort of Toad vs Manchester Funtimes Omnibus.

Now, if any of you ungrateful cunts had bothered to come along to the Electric Circus on the last weekend in August you would have seen awesome performances by two of these bands, and you would know why I am so excited by them.  But you didn’t, did you.  Twats. I am almost too embarrassed to invite them back now, but I will try if you promise to turn up this time, because you really should see them.

First, up there at the top of the page, we have Ghost Outfit, whose debut single is now out on Salford’s brilliant Sways Records. The deluxe edition includes all the amazing things in the picture below:

And Tuesday sounds like this:

Ghost Outfit – Tuesday by sways

Also on Sways are the excellent Louche FC.  We also happened to have them booked to come up to play Edinburgh last year, but work commitments prevented that happening unfortunately, which is something I would like to put right this year, if at all possible.

They have their second single out around now, which can be pre-ordered from here. If you want a listen the video is below, as well as a Soundcloud embed of Hands, which they are giving away as a free download.

The Louche FC – Hands by sways

Next up we have the fantastic Brown Brogues, who have a new single out on a Swedish label called Kenrock Records.  For obvious reasons I can’t give you any free downloads here, but the band are streaming the single on their Bandcamp page, and it is available to purchase here. For those unfamiliar with their sound, it’s a bit like Oscar the Grouch singing rock ‘n’ roll songs from inside his dustbin, whilst a wind-up monkey plays drums on the lid. And it’s awesome.

And finally, after all these singles, a whole album at last, and this time from Former Bullies. The band make dreamy, lo-fi pop music, have a penchant for DIY but nevertheless excellent videos. The album is going to be available in relatively limited numbers, and can be purchased either direct from the label or from Soft Power Vinyl, who are a highly-curated online record shop based, I believe, in Livingstone of all places. Their shop is very much worth exploring. They don’t seem to stock much, but what they have is absolutely excellent. And if you want to hear more Former Bullies stuff, their Bandcamp page is here, and has all sorts.

So there you go. So many embeds and pictures and bits and pieces, the whole post is a bit of a mess isn’t it? Sorry about that. Still, there’s enough good stuff there to keep you busy for a few hours.

Sometimes things are lo-fi because people like to use old equipment, sometimes because they just prefer the sound, and sometimes because, as seems to be the case here, the whole business was thrown together quickly as a bit of a lark.

This is whatever you’d a call a combination of supergroup, side project, imaginary band and a bit of good-natured fucking around.  Ben and Mark from Brown Brogues join Luke from Sex Beet and Jerry Tropicano for a what turned out to be a weekend of writing and recording, and this is what came out of it: an EP of improvised vocals and rough garage rock riffs.  Splendid.

Its provenance suggests it’s not something to be taken too seriously but, second song Trendy apart, this is actually a bloody good listen.  The whole EP is downloadable for free from Bandcamp, so you can try it for yourself.

Toto & the Bad Eggs – Little Naked

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It’s the Gigpocalypse! Gigmageddon! A gigantic week-long party of musical funz! The final kick in the balls your exhausted, fading liver can’t quite handle before it gives up the ghost and implodes altogether.

After a pretty lacklustre musical showing thus far, the Edinburgh Festival finally earns its spurs this week with what can only be described as the inevitable descent of total and utter carnage.

Lach’s one-man show is back on (after illness) at Cabaret Voltaire, free every night this week at 8:45pm, and of course the Antihoot will be on every night this week except Tuesday from midnight to 3am in the Gilded Balloon.

Then there’s also the next two Toad at the Circus gigs, firstly an acoustic strummer affair, and then on Friday a thumping racket.  I will be DJing at these gigs, but don’t let that put you off, they might still be quite fun.

As well as conventional gigs, Avalanche Records have a full list of really rather excellent in-stores this week too, featuring the likes of Emily Scott and Edinburgh School for the Deaf – full details here. Oh, and of course the week finally stumbles to an alcoholic close with the return of the fantabulous Retreat Festival.  It will be awesome, and my liver will be begging for mercy long before the end.

Tuesday 23rd August 2011: Ulrich Schnauss & Jonnie Common at the Electric Circus.

This will be a carnival of electro loveliness.  I know less about Mr. Schnauss, but Jonnie’s album is pretty damn close to being the best Scottish album of the year, for my money.

Jonnie Common – Summer is For Going Places

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Wednesday 24th August 2011: Neil Pennycook, Benjamin Shaw & John Egdell at the Electric Circus.

It’ll be an all-acoustic affair for our third Toad at the Circus gig.  Apart from Meursault’s Neil Pennycook performing solo, we have the amazing Benjamin Shaw coming up from London and the equally excellent John Egdell from Newcastle.

Benjamin Shaw – 12,000 Sentinels

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Wednesday 24th August 2011: Sebadoh at Cabaret Voltaire.

This is a bit straightforward isn’t it.  Sebadoh are lo-fi indie rock legends (to paint with the broadest of brushes) and they are playing in Edinburgh.  I think this might be sold out though, so there might be little point listing it but umm… it’s Sebadoh, y’know.

Sebadoh – Nothing Like You

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Thursday 25th August 2011: Withered Hand, eagleowl, Woodpigeon (solo) & Meursault (solo) at the Queen’s Hall.

Something of an Edinburgh all-stars gig this one.  If you aren’t from here and want to know why those of us in Edinburgh have been so excited by our homegrown music scene recently, then this and Retreat are the ones to show you.

Withered Hand – Religious Songs

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Thursday 25th August 2011: Willy Mason at Cabaret Voltaire.

Willy Mason has sort of slipped off the critical radar since the pop smash (relatively speaking of course) of Oxygen back in about 2005 or so.  I saw him live back in London before moving up here actually, and it was absolutely brilliant.

Willy Mason – We Can Be Strong

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Friday 26th August 2011: Brown Brogues, Ghost Outfit & Rollor at the Electric Circus.

Let’s see the babbling hen sluts talk over this.  Fuck you, motherfuckers, tonight is going to be loud!  Brown Brogues are a clattering racket and according to The Pigeon Post Ghost Outfit are the best live band in Manchester at the moment.

Brown Brogues – Treet U Beta

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Friday 26th & Saturday 27th August 2011: Lach’s Antihoot Antifolk-off at the Gilded Balloon.

As the Antihoot has been taking place this year Lach and myself have been selecting, with the help of the audience, the favourite act of each night and we’re inviting them all back this weekend, where we’ll be recording the performances to release as The Best of the Antihoot on Song, by Toad Records.  It’ll also be a fantastic way to have a big fuck off party to celebrate the end of an awesome run at this year’s Festival which has, of course, seen me make my stand-up comedy debut.  But the less said about that the better.

Saturday 27th August 2011: The Machine Room, Land of Cakes & Plastic Animals at Sneaky Pete’s.

Continuing the excellence of their Festival booking, Sneaky Pete’s have three excellent new Edinburgh bands on on Saturday.   I’ll be at Retreat, but if it happens to sell out then this looks like an excellent alternative.

The Machine Room – Your Head on the Floor Next Door

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Saturday 27th & Sunday 28th August 2011: Retreat Festival at Pilrig St. Paul’s church.

There are a couple of events which define my musical calendar.  Most Fence events would pretty much be included in there, and the other would be Retreat.  The best bands in Edinburgh, fucking lovely people and the nicest atmosphere at any music even I’ve been to in the city.  Bart Owl is a hero. A sarcastic, ginger hero.

I don’t really need to add anything to the following, do I?  Apart from a big thanks to the Electric Circus for suggesting I put these nights on, thanks to all the bands for agreeing to play and umm… well, I hope to fuck you all turn up, eh!

The highlight of today was undoubtedly the Muzzle of Bees Backyard BBQ, which took something of a walk to find, but was nevertheless a very, very pleasant and absolutely wonderfully relaxing way to spend the day.  Then we had a shitload of seafood, got completely smashed and watched a lot of loud music!  WIN!

I really am running out of stupid names for these fucking things.  I’m sure I’m going to end up just numbering them in future, but for now you’re going to have to put up with the bloody silly names I’m afraid.

In my effort to squeeze eleven songs into an hour I actually don’t ramble very much on this one, only to find out that the podcast ends up being much less than the usual hour and a bit, for a change.  Do I really talk so fucking much the rest of the time?

Anyhow, this is a fucking ace podcast of new music.  I don’t generally pay too much attention to how cool (or otherwise) these things might be, but I reckon any haircut merchants out there might rather enjoy this one.  For the rest of you, those without Haircuts with a capital haitch, well, just get on as best you can.  Let’s face it, if I love it all, it can’t really be all that cutting edge, can it.

Direct download: Toadcast #164 – The Roadcast

01. FOUND – Machine Age Dancing (00.25)
02. Girls Names – Seánce on a Wet Afternoon (07.00)
03. Sonny & the Sandwitches – A. Grassley – Throw My Ashes From This Pier When I Die (12.19)
04. The Honorable Worm – Wouldn’t Mind Dying (14.46)
05. Li’l Daggers – Ya Tu Sabe (22.54)
06. The Louche FC – Back Bedroom Casualty (29.27)
07. Milk Maid – Such Fun (33.24)
08. Brown Brogues – Treet U Beta (35.56)
09. The Honey Pies – Hair of the Dog (41.07)
10. Zed Penguin – This Town (46.49)
11. Manners – Knives (56.44)