So here were are once again on another distinctly mediocre morning in one of the most utterly unremarkable months of the calendar.  I was born in November and at least November is pretty reliably completely shit, whereas October doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be.  It’s not even consistently rubbish enough to hate.

So far so fucking splendid.  I have been driven away from Facebook today by an over-abundance (i.e. one person) of grown fucking adults talking in fucking babyspeak.  “U cud of come 2 [insert name of some shit club or other].”  Dear lord, that makes me want to stamp on something fluffy and cute.

How much fucking time can you possibly be saving yourself by deliberately spelling things like a fucking clueless, infantile fucktard?  Just suppressing the urge to commit suicide for being such a shallow, vapid, hateful cunt must take more energy than just using the English language properly in the fucking first place. The universe will catch up with you twats, you know.  That kind of imbecility won’t go unpunished in a just world. Karma hates adults who think they’re illiterate twelve-year-olds, and you will get yours eventually.

Fuck it, that’s all I’ve got this week.  Here are some gigs.  Go to them.

Tuesday 11th October 2011: Lach performs at the Storytelling Night at The Stand.

Having hosted an open mic night in New York for the last thirty-odd years Lach not only has a lot to tell, but also has developed a knack for telling it.  He the kind of guy who can be funny without actually having to tell jokes – just a natural storyteller, really.

Lach – Blue Overcoat

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Thursday 13th October 2011: Men Diamler at Henry’s Cellar Bar.

Men Diamler, for those of you who live in St. Andrews, will be playing on an amazing bill on the 11th, with Jeffrey Lewis and Withered Hand, but for those of us Edinburgh-bound you can catch him here on Thursday at Henry’s Cellar Bar. Rich plays solo acoustic music, but that doesn’t really even begin to describe it – he can be singing tragic ballads one minute, and bellowing in your face the next.

Men Diamler – Naughty Songwriter Blues

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Thursday 13th October 2011: Vic Galloway presents Bwani Junction, Miniature Dinosaurs & Blank Canvas at the Electric Circus.

This is the first in a series of monthly gigs hosted by Vic at the Electric Circus. He’ll be introducing and interviewing the bands from the stage as well, so you’ll get to hear the voice of Scottish music radio coming from an actual person for a change, instead of a set of speakers.

Friday 14th October 2011: Michelle Shocked at the Caves.

I genuinely have no idea what Michelle Shocked is up to these days, and I haven’t listened to her music in ages, I have to confess.  But on hearing she was playing here I happened serendipitously upon a copy of Short Sharp Shocked in a secondhand record shop, and it reminds me how much I enjoyed her early records, which I discovered back when I first moved the UK in the early nineties.

Michelle Shocked – Black Widow

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Sunday 16th October 2011: Alasdair Roberts, Aileen Campbell & Wounded Knee at the Scottish Storytelling Center.

This is the Edinburgh leg of the Archive Trails tour, which I believe is a project organised by the artists and the ever-impressive Tracer Trails, creating new work inspired by the contents of the archives at the School of Scottish Studies.

 And so the madness begins. The Edge Festival this year is still looking for something special, beyond Sebadoh and The National, but there is nevertheless an unbelievable shitload of stuff happening in Edinburgh over the course of the next four weeks.

Personally, I am going to have much more involvement this year, for two reasons.  For starters, last year I spent two weeks of August on holiday in China, and another week up at Haarfest in Fife, and this year I’ll be here the whole way through.

Secondly, of course, we will be releasing the Best of the Antihoot at the end of the Festival, meaning I will be spending an awful lot of time actually at the Antihoot, trying to figure out what I think is actually the best of it, and that means 12-3am most nights, and then a normal day’s work the next day.  Helloooooo coffee!

Monday 1st August 2011: Lady North, PAWS & Vasquez at Sneaky Pete’s.

I’ve been looking forward to the single for which this gig is the launch night for ages now.  Out on Gerry Loves Records, it is a 7″ split between PAWS and Lady North, and given the raucous excellence of the former and the reputed excellence of the latter, this should be a mightily excellent gig.

PAWS – Summer Wipeout

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Wednesday 3rd August 2011: Lach: The Waitress, the Walls and the Weirdos at Cabaret Voltaire.

This is the opening night of a run of solo shows Lach will be performing over the course of the Fringe – all part of the Free Fringe, with admission being on the basis of a voluntary donation.  The Waitress, the Walls and the Weirdos is named after the people Lach tended to find himself playing to at the end of the night at the Sidewalk Cafe in New York, when running the Antihoot over there.

Lach – Baby, I Don’t Want to Go

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Thursday 4th August 2011: The opening night of the Antihoot at the Gilded Balloon.

This show is also running throughout August (more of this later) and in September we’ll be releasing The Best of the Antihoot on Song, by Toad Records – compilation chosen by a combination of audience acclaim and executive decision.

Friday 5th August 2011: Avital Raz & Little Egypt at Henry’s Cellar Bar.

Those of us who were at the Avital Raz and Alex Cornish Song, by Toad House Gig in June were pretty much unanimous in thinking Avital’s stuff was absolutely amazing.  Well on the back of that gig Claire has booked her for Henry’s this Friday, with support coming from a band I have to confess to not knowing, called Little Egypt.

Sunday 7th August 2011: Edinburgh Independent Record Fair at Summerhall.

Scotland’s best independent labels, promoters and bands will be gathering in the Dissecting Room Bar at Summerhall, and combining live music in the lecture theatre with a series of stalls selling all sorts of bits and pieces of musical joy, soundtracked by DJ sets from all sorts of Scottish musical muppets luminaries.

FOUND – Anti-Climb Paint

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Sunday 7th August 2011: Born to Be Wide Edinburgh Night at the Electric Circus.

Born to Be Wide is also hosting in-stores by Rachel Sermanni and Withered Hand at Avalanche Records on the Grassmarket, and then moving to the Electric Circus for the evening, and short performances by a huge variety of new Edinburgh bands, interspersed with ‘celebrity’ DJs.  Already confirmed to play are: Chasing Owls, Austen George, Capitals, Bwani Junction, Withered Hand, Rachel Sermanni, Church of When The Sh*t Hits The Fan and Lady North.