The thing I hate the most about Satnavs is that although they do find wherever it is you’re going, but you tend to have absolutely no idea how you got there.  So you are no less lost, in a sense, you just happen to be in the right place.

Well, I am getting a bit like that with my calendar.  I write so much in my calendar that I tend to assume I put everything in it, which I don’t.  The only problem with this is that I make no effort to memorise appointments or events anymore, assuming them to be in my calendar.

Previously, I used to just remember stuff.  That wasn’t entirely failsafe, but I was generally pretty good at keeping things in my head.  Now, once I write things down (or even when I don’t, but assume I have) they just vanish from my head altogether, leaving me entirely at the mercy of the computer.

And frankly, it’s unsettling.  When I do forget something now I feel a bit like you do in those dreams where you’re entirely naked in a public place, or when you’re suddenly on stage, expected to give a grand performance on a musical instrument you never learned to play.  Other people get those dreams, right?  It’s not just me.

Umm, so it’s time for our traditional Friday de-lurking amnesty, time for you shirkers to step out of the shadows, and talk utter pish on the internet.  Friday, after all, is not really for doing work, is it.

1. Are you early, late or completely punctual for appointments?
2. What is your most embarrassing memory failure?
3. What piece of technology would be like a helpless child without (‘your phone’ will be accepted, but please bear in mind it’s a pretty poor answer – not that this is supposed to be all that challenging of course, but a better answer will win you so much more respect, and let’s face it, that’s what it’s all about, eh)?
4. Which dream is the most disconcerting – the falling one, the public nudity one, the crumbling teeth one, or the on stage with no idea what to do one?  Or even a different one, if you like.
5. What was the last question again?

The Mountain Goats – You, or Your Memory

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Bob Dylan – I Forgot More Than You Will Ever Know

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The Last Battle – Photographic Memory

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Micah P. Hinson – I Still Remember

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The Men They Couldn’t Hang – A Night to Remember

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Having spent the week driving Loch Lomond around the country I figured that some sort of driving-themed nonsense would be in order for this week’s podcast.

Driving music (NOT in the Top Gear sense) tends to stick in your head, probably because when listening to it there is nothing else to do but sit and absorb the whole album.  I know most musicians would probably blanche somewhat at the idea of having their work enjoyed over the thrum of wind noise, tyre noise and a grumbling engine, but a long drive is still probably one of the best places to listen to music.

Oh, and the ‘character’is supplied by all the fuckers outside having fun while I DO FUCKING WORK FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF YOU UNGRATEFUL INTERNET BASTARDS.  Erm, sorry.  I’m tired.

Toadcast #123 – The Drivecast

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01. The Twilight Sad – The Wrong Car (01.53)
02. Bear Driver – A Thousand Samurais (09.12)
03. The National – Terrible Love (14.37)
04. Band of Horses – Infinite Arms (19.11)
05. The Wedding Present – Drive (25.07)
06. The French Wives – Me vs Me (28.54)
07. Manfred Mann’s Earth Band – Davy’s on the Road Again (Live) (35.01)
08. Foon Yap – Gabriel Moody (41.49)
09. The Goodnight Loving Supper Club – The Pan (50.14)
10. The Men They Couldn’t Hang – A Map of Morocco (54.27)

I get more than a little jumpy writing things about stuff like this, because I am far from knowledgable and, as someone who is almost always against the wars that ‘we’ have fought recently, it can seem a bit rich to me, writing about the people who fought in them.

My Granddad was a marine in WWII though.  He drove a landing craft in the D-Day landings, he pitched up in Singapore and Madagascar, fought in the Pacific and, erm… I don’t know much else to be honest, because he doesn’t really talk about it.

He’ll tell us funny stories when they occur to him, and it’s not like he avoids the topic, but I’ve never heard him tell any kind of tale about the war which I would describe as all that harrowing.  It’s possible that he’d rather not bring it up because the memories are a little hard to face, but I suspect it might be because, for all we would listen attentively, we actually would not be able to truly understand what the tales he would be telling actually, deep down, mean to him.

The world moves incredibly fast.  The things my Granddad does tell us which do make an impact are the tales of living in Wales and Manchester immediately before and after the war.  He talks about trying to get fired by his foreman at the steelworks just to prove he could face the man down.  He talks about his brother fighting their father, and running off with him to fend for themselves and make a living whilst he was in his early teens.  He talks about how he and my Grandma tried to keep the house warm, and how he would steal coal from work to put on the fire in the evening.

It’s difficult enough to know what the people who fight in modern wars really experience, despite some excellent films which try and get it across, but as much as anything when I think about my Granddad and his role in the Second World War and in particular the combination of that war and the society in which he lived at the time, it really strikes me that increasingly no-one understands what these guys went through, not properly.  Apart from a desire to fight Germans, one of the reasons he was so keen to get into the forces, in whatever division, was because working in the steelworks in Manchester was so incredibly shit.

The perception of the threat of someone bent on ‘taking over the world’, which in itself seems like a quaint concept these days, the lingering strength of the concept of England or Britain as an Island Empire, the overwhelming industrialisation, family life being so massively different and social standards radically so… it’s amazing how quickly people forget what life used to be like, even in their own childhoods.

For the best part of six years my Granddad fought in the British army against someone trying to conquer the nation, and indeed the whole continent.  Six years.  I don’t think that it would be possible for me to truly grasp that and more than anything else on Remembrance Day, that’s what I find myself thinking.

The Men They Couldn’t Hang – The Green Fields of France (No Man’s Land)

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The Waterboys – Red Army Blues

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Sooo… the BNP are going on Question Time are they?  That should be interesting.

I know there’s been some complaining from Anti-Fascism sorts and other parties about this ‘legitimising’ the party in some sense by actually bothering to engage them in debate, but I think I am in agreement with the broader consensus which says that you really have to get their opinions out in the open and debate them in public.  I was raised in Austria and the general refusal to engage with the somewhat euphemistically-named Freedom Party* led to their ideas and propaganda going so entirely unchecked that they were actually legitimately elected to power a few years ago – to the sudden horror of everyone who had hoped to make them go away by ignoring them.

Now, I take Hain’s point about the BNP being quite simply illegal because they don’t allow non-Caucasian members but basically it’s too late: the BNP have been legitimised to take place in national political debate, not by anything the BBC might be doing, but by the fact that an awful lot of people have voted for them.  That’s one of the things which I think people tend to ignore – the problem with the BNP is not so much the pernicious nature of their policies or their tendency to lie about just how racist they actually are, it’s the fact that so many people in Britain might just actually agree with them.

There are a few reasons I think we really need to get these weasels out in the open: Read the rest of this entry »

Well, only if you are Nicolas Cage.  And actually, if you were Nicolas Cage, then some of the films you have made in the last ten years or so might well merit a rampaging witch-hunt by some of the more embittered members of the acting community as you comically jam your two facial expressions (grim determination and spastic incomprehension) into one tedious, one-dimensional character after another for millions of dollars in reward, while they subsist on the breadline only by waiting table and selling their tender little chocolate blossoms in the backstreets for an insulting pittance.

Actually, maybe Song, by Toad should be looking to start some sort of ‘Burn Nicolas Cage campaign’.  It would be a righteous mission and I think we could get a lot of people on board.

Erm, not sure how that started.  Oh yes, Wickerman.  Myself, Mrs. Toad and several of Scotland’s finest young bands will be heading down to the Wickerman Festival this weekend (that’s why I was thinking of burning Nicolas Cage).  I am trying not to work too hard, so I haven’t arranged an awful lot of interviews, and I will not be taking the video camera with me.

What I will try and do though is record a podcast, or maybe two, while we’re there.  I’ll be taking our wee Tascam voice recorder and my Blue Snowflake microphone and will try and get some bits and pieces from the bands and some chat and so on and upload it all on Saturday and Sunday mornings.  I have no idea about the press facilities though, so god knows how successful this little plan is likely to be.  If it all fails, I will simply upload a podcast on Sunday afternoon when we get back.  So you’ll have to wait, but it will happen, promise.

In the meantime let’s get Five-tastic… no, sorry, that’s a disgraceful turn of phrase, I can’t countenance that sort of garbage.  Come on then, spit out your Friday Fives and remember that Fridays are de-lurking amnesties, open to all and sundry and especially encouraged for those who have never commented before.  Could this be your day?  Go on, there’s nothing to be afraid of.

1. Most hated pointless remake of a classic film.
2. Mostly guiltily loved pointless remake of a classic film (no, Star Wars as a remake of The Fortress does not count).
3. Favourite Nic Cage film.
4. Most abysmal Nic Cage film.
(I’ll even help you with those – no need to know much, or even to care, just click here.)
5.Name another wooden beefcake actor who irritates the living shit out of you.

Is this post sexist?

Bonnie Prince Billy (fuck his fucking quotation marks) – You Will Miss Me When I Burn

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Sargasso Trio – It’s Hot in Hell

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Bruce Springsteen – I’m On Fire

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The Men They Couldn’t Hang – Hellfire & Damnation

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Fortunately, the festival will be over by Sunday, but rain is never a bad bet in Scotland:
The Groove Farm – It Always Rains on Sunday

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Nah don’t be daft, of course it doesn’t.  Friday loves you. It loves your Mum too.  Does your Mum have great tits?  I reckon she probably does.

Today technology is King.  I remember my first few days being properly employed and how far away the things we take for granted really are.  I was working on concepts for this kind of stuff years ago, and it may not have ever come into production,  but it’s amazingly exciting to see the future actually happen, right before your eyes.  Honestly, we would sit and have meetings on just how feasible video calling was and how much the ubiquitous ‘do-it-all PDA’ would be able to do for you.  It’s odd to look back on because now, pretty much all of it is here.

Yesterday I saw my silly old folks on Skype.  I have an iPhone too, which means that despite the mild embarrassment of being an iPhone person, I can always reach people.  It’s downright bizarre – basically technology has overtaken the popular imagination in the last few years, and now all these things which seemed downright stupid a year or so ago now seem kind of sensible.  And many of them exist already.

Had it not been for technology like email and SMS messages Mrs. Toad and I might not be together at all.  For the first two and a half years of our relationship I lived in London and she in Edinburgh, so texts and emails pretty much held us together during the week, as we waited for the chance to travel 400 miles on the weekend to see one another.  I know social networking sites have their critics (mostly idiots) but their capabilities are pretty amazing, when you think where technology was even just five years ago.

So, erm, good luck with the rest of your lives and hopefully this week’s technology-based five will be up your street:

1. Name your favourite scientific theory.  Or just name one – any one.
2. Favourite gadget.
3. Do you know what the term ‘anecdotal evidence’ means?  Why the FUCK NOT?
4. Most Star Trekky bit of technology in common use today.
5. Which technology on the ‘coming soon’ list are you most looking forward to?

1. Trips & Falls – In Real Life He Wears Corduroy Pants

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2. Clem Snide – The Dairy Queen

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3. Maxwell Panther – Too Many Magazines

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4. The Men They Couldn’t Hang – Going Back to Coventry

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5. Enfant Bastard – Gremlin

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Well as you read this I will be in a day-long meeting with one of Proper Job’s most important clients.  The product, about which I really can’t divulge all that much, is a really interesting one.  It’s one of those things which may well in some form be essential in about five years time but at the moment is really rather embryonic and still basically on the drawing board.  It makes for a very interesting day’s work however, albeit a very argumentative one.

So whilst I am choking on shit sandwiches and bursting with excessive coffee intake, please sit back, relax, gently stroke your mouse and fire in your five frivolous Friday fuckwitticisms.  It’s not about being first, funniest or anything like that, just chip in.

Tonight there will be monumental levels of drunkenness for myself and my darling girl Mrs. Toad.  We are going to the Bowery to see Rob St.John and Broken Records singe everyone’s eyebrows with all sorts of raucous nonsense.  Well, maybe not Rob.  But he’ll still be good, I can promise you that – I’ve never sen Rob play live and not been impressed.  Broken Records will be different.  In a room that small they might just make your ears bleed.  I, for a change, will not be reviewing or filming or anything like that.  Mrs. Toad and I will be down the front enjoying ourselves and nothing more.  We will be drunk, we will be grinning like fools and staggering about like muppets and in general we will be warming up for a splendid weekend.  There are still tickets available, should you want to join in, just swing by the City Cafe some time tomorrow.

Now, in case you were intending to be so foolish as to attempt anything productive on a Friday, stop right now.  Before you go any further do you love me.  Will you love me forever; do you need me?  Will you… oops, sorry, that was a Meat Loaf lyric.  I’ll stop.  Right now.  Delurking is required, and the filling in of five of the most frivolous answers you’ve ever produced in your life.  Have a good weekend, Toadlings.

1. Best blag you’ve ever pulled off.
2. Most fortuitous ticket.
3. Biggest waste of an expensive ticket purchase.
4. Most unexpected brilliant day.
5. Forced participation which actually turned out okay.

The Decemberists – Mariner’s Revenge Song

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The White Stripes – I Want to Be the Boy to Warm Your Mother’s Heart

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Fanfarlo – Fire Escape

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The Men They Couldn’t Hang – Island in the Rain

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Barenaked Ladies – One Week

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For those of you coming along to help collect for the Lifeboats tomorrow, that you so much.  If you know where we live, then just swing by and we’ll give you a tin to shake for an hour (or more if you like) and then you can stick around for tea and cake (or beer as the hour grows later) or go about your business, as you please.  If you don’t know where to come along to, then just drop me an email and I’ll tell you.  I’m not too keen to just type our address out in the middle of teh internetz, although god knows it’s hardly a secret anyway.  Thanks so much for everyone who has agreed to help, it really is good of you.

Now, on to the more frivolous business of the day: it’s Friday and hence time to get silly.  We had our first real expedition in the mighty Toadmobile yesterday, driving through to Glasgow for the Hinterland Festival.  Honest to goodness, that van fucking rocks.  I stopped to ask a copper where the best place to park it was and he – yes, a policeman – said “This is Glasgow, mate, nowhere’s secure.”  Then we embarked on a ten minute conversation about how cool the van was, then he recommended I do a massive great illegal u-turn in the middle of the road.  Glasgow cops: tremendous value!

In honour of the Lifeboat collection effort tomorrow, I thought the five this week should have a vaguely nautical theme, so here we go.  It has become a most sociable post in the last couple of weeks, with all sorts of reckless de-lurking and far more people than the usual suspects taking part, which I think all of us appreciate, so go on, go for it.  Step out of the sordid intershadows and reveal yourselves.  Actually, that sounds more than a little wrong.  Just chip in, that’s all.  Then talk pish to your heart’s content.

1. Best name for a kind of boat.
2. What’s the most camp, being in the navy or riding a motorcycle?
3. When was the last time you actually went swimming in the sea?
4. Coolest boat-based movie.
5. Ever been on a boat journey where you feared for your life?

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds – The Ship Song (Live)

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The Men They Couldn’t Hang – Dover Lights

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The Pogues – South Australia

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Van Dyke Parks – Greenland Whale Fisheries

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The 6ths – The Sailor in Love With the Sea

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Apparently you can still read a sentence quite easily if the letters in the words are completely jumbled up, as long as the first and last letters in each word remain where they belong. Isn’t that nice.

I am nearly at the end of the unspeakable ordeal that is generating the Toad Records blog spam list. This entails going to the Hype Machine’s blog list, looking at what every single blog is posting and if they post stuff I like, emailing them with links to the Toad Records releases with a nice note saying something along the lines of ‘I hope you enjoy these and it would be lovely if you were interested in reviewing them’. The problem is that there are fucking thousands of blogs and going through this list is so tedious it’s untrue. Still, I’m as far as ‘t’ now, and it needs to be finished by this weekend because everything is officially released on Monday. Fuck I’m tired. I’ve been up until 3am every night this week working on this, with the exception of the Snow Patrol Frightened Rabbit gig on Tuesday (thanks Euan).

In other news, we just invested in a really, really nice vocal microphone for the Toad Sessions. When I say nice, I do mean nice as well, not just ‘slightly nice’. It’s supposed to be a bloody grand’s worth, but we got it for under half that, so roll on the next Toad Session.

If you want to suggest the next Friday Favourites, just get in touch and let me know. This week the Five Friday Favourites come from our own dearest Tart, who left the following comment: “how about a Friday Five on what actually did help you all get sex: music, dialogue, scent, substance etc?”

1. Best pulling music.
2. Worst pulling approach that actually worked.
3. Apart from rohipnol, what should you give someone (food, drink or drug) to get into their underpants?
4. Best bit of chatting up you ever managed.
5. Coolest first date successfully executed.

Willie Nelson & Family – Good Hearted Woman

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Tom Waits – Burma Shave

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The Men The Couldn’t Hang – Dacing on the Pier

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The Lemonheads – Into Your Arms[audio http://www.matthewjamesyoung.com/sbt/TheLemonheads-IntoYourArms.mp3]
Alabama 3 – Bourgeoisie Blues

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Gak. Too much beer. Once more I stagger into work feeling fuzzy-headed and furry-tongued after a night of beer and song. It’s so fucking hard to concentrate on anything when you really just want to curl up on the floor under your desk and catch up on another six hours of sleep.

Tonight, however, instead of sleep, there will be podcasting and then a trip to the Withered Hand, Ish Marquez and Stanley Brinks gig at about eleven. And tomorrow we all get up nice and early and spend the whole day putting together Meursault albums. This involves screen printing front and back, folding the poster with the lyrics on it, applying a Toad stamp and an orange felt tip to the inlay card, and putting a barcode sticker on the back. Oddly, it is also going to involve watching Wales and Australia play at egg-chasing on the telly. It’s also going to take ages, but should be worth it in the end.

I forgot to mention a couple of gigs earlier in the week (like there weren’t enough already) but Sunday could end up panning out very nicely if you all do as you are told and follow my advice, which is this: potter along to the National Museum of Scotland for three o’clock, when The Pictish Trail will be playing a free set, then go to the pub for a couple of hours (there’s dozens within easy walking distance) and potter along to the Jazz Bar to see Candythief between about nine and half eleven. Candythief have a new album available and if it’s anything like their previous EP I will be absolutely delighted. So there you go – that’s your Sunday planned out for you.

As for Friday, however, there is still some serious business afoot: Five Friday Favourites, as pinched from GUT. It’s been very local on the site this week, so this would be a fine chance for all you lurkers to show the local gangs that you’re not afraid of them and get stuck in on your own account. Go for it – what’s the worst that can happen – public humiliation? Pish posh.

1. Favourite sweetie (in the candy sense, because of Candythief – nothing saucy please).
2. Best work-dodging tip for the terminally hung over.
3. Longest spell spent successfully on the wagon.
4. Soap of choice.
5. Coolest old TV program to search for on YouTube.

The Pictish Trail – I Don’t Know Where to Begin
Candythief – Junk
The Jam – All Mod Cons
The Zincs – The Moguls’ Wives
The Men They Couldn’t Hang – Hush Little Baby