And not particularly ashamed either, so fuck off. No, not the poor people with coloured skin, nor the ‘alternatively abled’ spast… whoops, sorry, or even the gays, lesbians, trannies, hermaphrodites and other Belgians.  No, it’s the beautiful people.  Really, they just make me suspicious.

I got a CD in the post this morning from a promotional company and on the front was the picture of a pretty blonde girl.  Hmm, thought I.  Dubious.  I opened the CD to find a half-dozen more pictures of this same fetching blonde lass looking alternately sultry, or ‘natural’, or god knows what else.  In her ‘normal’ shots she was wearing jeans (very normal) with stilettos (still sexy, oh yesh).  To be fair to her, she looked very appealing, but this is a music CD and anytime I see cover art that makes much play of the firm breasts or, alternatively, rugged jawline of the musician in question my marketing department radar goes right off.

Tarting up your musician implies that their music won’t do the trick by itself – or at least that you think it won’t.  It shows a lack of confidence.  One look at this album cover and all my prejudices kicked in and I was certain it was going to be shit.  Hollywood Strings three-quarters of the way through the song?  Check.  Gratingly soulful X-Factor vocals?  Check.   ‘Real’ singer-songwriter marketing?  Check again.  And was it dreadful?  Yes it fucking was.  Of course it was.

Fuck.  Right.  Off.

Suede – Beautiful Ones
Neko Case – Pretty Girls
Elvis Costello & the Attractions – All This Useless Beauty